It has been ___ days since I SIed -- Part 2

Up to 24 days now. Things have been really busy but that's probably a good thing!

i've lost count of the days, but over a month.

Four weeks and no urges anymore either.

just two days

Urges.

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Hang in there Breadfish! What often or usually helps you deal with the urges?

Been 1 day.

Self-harmed again yesterday. So today will be Day one again if I don't screw it up.

Thanks, Bill. I don't really know anything that helps. If I try to distract myself I just get annoyed by whatever I'm using to distract me. So I just sat it out and eventually went to sleep.

Urges again.

CrazyLo, maybe you're bisexual after all.

About Self-Injury and Recovery

Whoa! How did you even find out about that? Interesting!

Didn't give in.

Can I confess that I'm fighting urges right now? All I can think of is of someone beating me into unconsciousness. I want someone to hurt me, destroy me, torture me, kill me even. My heart's racing and I feel a bit ill.

Funny as these reactions are caused by finding proof that this exactly what I deserve. I mean, my problems aren't even problems, I have no right to ever feel bad anyway...

This probably doesn't make sense, but I'm trying to discharge these thoughts and make it go away. I'm such a pathetic piece of trash.

3.

and the place where i did it is still pretty sore as well

ugg

Good job Breadfish!

29 today, but it's all I want to do right now

Hang in there Mully! What has helped you get past urges in the past?

Gave in last night.

Well, rock botten mis a solid foundation for a new start.

I'm on 27 days, I think.

It's been a while since I have posted here.
It's also been a while since I last cut myself, but today I relapsed.
0 days.
Although I cried a little afterward, showing that I do care, now I don't feel particularly sad. I feel normal, as if I never SI'ed today. I don't think that's a good thing :/.

I could hardly play piano for months after mine. I remember trying to raise my crippled hand in the mental hospital, failing to extend my fingers. That was 3.5 months ago, and I've only done really minor stuff since. I've gotten some ideas, but I didn't want to be locked up again and charged another seven grand ($3100 after adjustments)...!

edit
Believe it or not, the one thing that seemed to help, in the moment, was vocalizing as if I were a girl. It relaxed me to act sweet and girly. I'm hetero and never wanted to be a girl, so it's odd. Then again I was reducing my testosterone to regulate sex drive, and the compounds might have also been estrogenic.

It's been nearly 8 weeks...but urges are really strong tonight, not sure that I can keep it up

Hang in there, secretwhisper! What can help you resist the urges?

I suppose I should just try to sleep... I think that's about all that will prevent me from doing it tonight