[seesaw]

So I know most cutters try to cut in places to hide self injury. I have the additional nasty habit of focusing on cutting my face.

I was doing really well, had gone more than 30 days without cutting. I had lots of urges but managed to fight them. For me, something triggers me into a dissociative state, and then I cut. So I have to fight the dissociative state, but sometimes, I just lose.

I don't even think I resisted tonight. Of course, I've been in and out of dissociation for the past week probably. It was pretty bad--only two cuts, but both very deep and on my face. I remember at one point there was an intention to cut all the way to my cheekbone. Thank god I was able to stop myself from doing that.

I have to go to the Mental Health Urgent Care clinic tomorrow. It's at the hospital. I'm really freaked out that they will try to admit me or commit me. What I really need is for them to help me adjust my medication.

Any suggestions for how to act or what to say to make sure they don't commit me?

Seesaw

[jelly-bean]

I really think it might be a good thing if you did get admitted and stayed for a short time. It isn't going to matter what you say anyway. When they see your face they are going to decide for you. I hope that things work out in what ever way is best for you.

[seesaw]

jelly_bean,

I have already been in the hospital three times this past summer and a 30 day residential treatment center. I had a relapse. That's all. I am in regular therapy and starting a day treatment program on Tuesday. I really don't need to be hospitalized. I just need help with an adjustment to my anxiety meds, because that is what's really causing this.

Thanks,
Seesaw

[amayastar]

Stay strong.
I know it feels like a no win battle sometimes.
You can do it. Just because you get one flat tire don't slash the other 3.

[Raindropvampire]

I'm bipolar and I don't technically SI. I just get so mad or frustrated that it's me or the person I'm mad at so I try to knock myself out. I realize it's a bit different but I gave myself a concussion. When I went to the hospital I explained what happened. That I had a blowup. I'm mentally ill there are going to be hiccups in treatment. I'm fine now ask me whatever you want. They asked me a few questions told me I really REALLY need to be back on my medication and sent me on my way.

I can not guarantee that you will have the same experience but I have found honesty and not getting overly agitated or emotional has been the key to me staying out of the hospital.

[seesaw]

Thanks for the support everyone. I think I will be okay. Will let you know how it goes.

[seesaw]

So I didn't have to go into the urgent mental health clinic because I called ahead for an appointment and they said they don't take walk-ins and their next appointment isn't until the 15th. Well, my new pdoc appointment is on the 11th, so I didn't schedule anything. Finally broke down and called my GP, and she refilled my sleep meds and Xanax for a week until I get to see my new pdoc. I feel somewhat relieved that my meds are taken care of and I will be able to sleep.

I SI'd this morning, but not to my face, but I haven't SI'd since then. I'm hoping that this morning was the last time. It's really hard because it's not something I want to do. I don't want to be like this, but I just don't have control sometimes.

I'm hoping the new pdoc can help me adjust meds when I see him next week. I'm really hopeful that we can get this thing sorted out and hopefully help me feel better and more like myself again.

Seesaw

[Just keep swimming]

Hi Seesaw,

I guess I just want to say that it can get better. I wasn't sure that it ever would, but I started working with a trauma therapist who really seemed to understand when I explained what it was like sometimes. Anyhow, she seemed to know how to deal with my dissociating and things slowly got better. So, who knows, maybe your new pdoc will be able to adjust your meds so that things get better. I hope he or she works out.

[ifst5]

What is going on in terms of therapy? Sometimes a combination of both therapy and meds work best. I'm sure that's probably occurred to you too and i'm sorry if accessing possible treatment is difficult right now.

If there was the potential for you to be admitted - as in, you have the chance to speak to a pdoc before such a decision is made - would they be better able to assess the med situation so you feel a bit more confident before seeing your usual doctor? I know there isn't long to go before you do see them, but these situations have the potential to change quite quickly - sometimes taking the risk of seeking potentially more appropriate advice pays off. But not always. So that's something you may wish to think about over the course of your symptoms etc. I wish you all the best.

[persevere]

I am sorry you feel the urge to cut yourself anywhere.

I don't know much about the reasons behind cutting, but just only coming from my heart place I feel bad that you or anyone would want to hurt themselves.

When I was a little kid I used to bite myself whenever I was mad at anyone or any situation, but I guess I outgrew it. (my family took pictures of it and that's why I remember it)

Is cutting similar in that you hurt yourself instead of someone else?

[touchingthestars]

Hi Seesaw,

I'm sorry to hear that you SI on your face... I know how addictive that can be. I used to cut my arms but managed to stop that about 4 months ago- and didnt realize I had been cutting my face instead. I only realized last week that I had just switched the location...

Its really hard... But possible. Good luck!

[seesaw]

I am in ongoing therapy with a great therapist who has helped me identify triggers and such, but the one thine we haven't really figured out is when the **** storm hit like this, how to predict that one small aggravation is going to grow to push me well beyond my limit of what I can handle in a day...So it's just a different kind of trigger response to deal with, when you're dealing with multiple triggers at a time. Right now I'm just trying to be mindful of my thoughts and were they are coming from. Hah, I just came up with a great premise for horror story based on cutting. But anyhow, I appreciate all your suggestions and helping me get through this tough time.

Seesaw

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( seesaw ))))))))
I'm sorry for your pain. Sometimes (part of me) wants to do this too, to my face

multiple triggers suck.......