[TaterChip]

So my anxiety has been building more and more over the past week or so. Yesterday I lost it when my girlfriend (over in England--I'm in the US) was drinking with a couple of her guy-friends.

I trust her, but I don't trust them. It might be my personal experiences, but I had an attack, and then later when I got home as well. She got totally wasted and couldn't even type to me, so her friends messaged me to tell me how she was doing.

Apparently she kept talking about how I was mad at her, over and over. I wasn't mad, but I did freak out a little because she knew how nervous I was with her staying with a bunch of teenage boys for 3 days, overnights too. I thought, "She knows how much I worried of them taking advantage of her.. so she goes and gets incomprehensibly drunk?"

I overreacted, and felt bad about it. I apologized to her repeatedly. She felt bad for not keeping my mind at rest, even though it wasn't her fault.

I was up til 12 or 1 because the voices in my head were saying awful things about me. All true, but hurts to hear, nonetheless.
I woke up at 4am and it got worse. They were yelling and telling me to hurt myself so I did, sobbing uncontrollably. I hit myself in the head a few times out of pure frustration at the situation.

I haven't felt like that since I tried to kill myself 6 years ago, at 14. It was kind of scary.

[jelly-bean]

It's kind of scary just hearing about it. Are you on any kind of meds or in therapy? maybe it's time to change things up a bit so that you get the help that you need. You should find a therapist or a new therapist before you hurt yourself any worse.

[Just keep swimming]

Hi there,

Wow, that sounds like you're having a really, really hard time. Do you have a therapist to talk to. I know it really helps me a lot. I also know that sometimes it is really good for me share what's going on with other people that understand, like on this forum. Talking to people reminds me that the voice that sometimes tells me I'm awful is a lying voice.

It took listening to people that cared and understood, for me to believe that I'm not awful or terrible. I was lucky to be in a support group. Anyhow, if you were in my support group i would tell you that you're not awful. No matter what, you're not terrible. You deserve to feel OK and not bad. Can you talk to someone to see if your meds need adjusting? That's really helped me when i got to feeling really, really bad.

I think dealing with relationships is pretty advanced stuff. As hard as learning physics or something. I'm still learning and pretty much a beginner. Please, take it easy on yourself.

[TaterChip]

Originally Posted by jelly-bean

It's kind of scary just hearing about it. Are you on any kind of meds or in therapy? maybe it's time to change things up a bit so that you get the help that you need. You should find a therapist or a new therapist before you hurt yourself any worse.

I just started both (again). I'm trying. saw a new pdoc today. he said some stuff that was mildly aggravating. added some new meds. i guess we'll see

[TaterChip]

Originally Posted by Just keep swimming

Hi there,

Wow, that sounds like you're having a really, really hard time. Do you have a therapist to talk to. I know it really helps me a lot. I also know that sometimes it is really good for me share what's going on with other people that understand, like on this forum. Talking to people reminds me that the voice that sometimes tells me I'm awful is a lying voice.

It took listening to people that cared and understood, for me to believe that I'm not awful or terrible. I was lucky to be in a support group. Anyhow, if you were in my support group i would tell you that you're not awful. No matter what, you're not terrible. You deserve to feel OK and not bad. Can you talk to someone to see if your meds need adjusting? That's really helped me when i got to feeling really, really bad.

I think dealing with relationships is pretty advanced stuff. As hard as learning physics or something. I'm still learning and pretty much a beginner. Please, take it easy on yourself.

I just started therapy and meds again. I hate when they get mean. Yelling at me and ****.
My girlfriend is completely aware of everything im going through so she's prettty understanding, accepting, supportive. That makes it so much easier.

Thanks to both of you for your replies