Not Sure What to do

i've been self harming since the end of seventh grade. I'm now a junior in high school. I was removed from school as a freshman, because my si had gotten so bad. I was given perfunctory help for it. I was in therapy for about six months, and had to stop due to a shifting school schedule. I stopped briefly out of guilt and because I wanted to stop and get better. Sometime near the end of freshman year I started again.
My mom has seen my scars again, and I had to lie and tell her it was something else. I don't think she believed me and am scared she will ask again. I don't think I can lie to her again, but I'm afraid of the consequences. Bad things happened last time, and i don't think that emotionally I can handle that right now. I'm lost for what to do.

do you want to stop? do you want to do something about it? can you ask to go back to counseling without telling your mother you returned to si? just tell her you are struggling.

there was a book I bought called the scarred soul. you can get it on amazon for under 10 bucks. its a work book of sorts to understand si. read a chapter answr 8 or so questions. it was a nice book as in it wasn't threatening to do. it didn't ask you to quit which was a scary idea for me. I wasn't ready to do that. it doesn't ask you to do that till the end of the book. I quit doing the book at that chapter because I wasn't ready. but I didn't cut for over five years after doing the work in the book. then I only cut twice during a complete mental breakdown. it has been nearly 8 years now since then that I still haven't harmed myself so something about the book worked even though I never finished it.

so even if you aren't ready, working thru the book will help. take care.

Hello gnomebella. I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there- lying about the scars to my mother. Seeing the pain and worry in her kind of scared me straight for a while. I wish bad things had not happened to you last time you deserve support not more pain.

It sounds like additional counseling would benefit you. I like kaliope's idea to tell your mother you are struggling without mentioning the SI.

When I'm at a public place I try to find a rubber band to put around my wrist- my way of acknowledging to myself that I'm hurting. I hope you will find alternatives that work for you.

I have asked to return to counseling, and for a dose check on my bipolar meds. She says she will look into it, but she never does. I don't really want to stop I willl have to look that book up.