[0xwaterx0]

about 2 years ago i started cutting myself. i never told anyone and tried my hardest not to let anyone find out. when i first started i was just experimenting, seeing what it was like. but after a while i felt that needed to do it. at the time, my parents were going through a lot of turmoil in their marrage. my dad was on a new medication and he was getting out of control. he started to beat me and my mom, not regularly, but if we said something he didnt like, or were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. my mom always forgave him afterwards, just blaming it on stress or something, then it would happen again...im so confused and im having to deal with a lot of new issues right now, and im constantly thinking of going back to cutting. i am just struggling everyday to keep myself from it, and i dont know how to handle this

[InACorner]

((((((water )))))))))))))) may i call you water for short??

Welcome to PC first and foremost....i am happy to see you were brave to join and share your story with us...you will find very loving and supportive people on this site....i am very sorry though that you had to go through all of this....i am a cutter as well going on around 4/5 years...more than that but i cant think of it at the moment....anyway....are you talking to a therapist??? id suggest you see someone for it..i also think you need to tell someone about your dad....its not a safe environment for you and your mom...and it isnt right for her to keep subjecting you to that and be ok with it. I also hope you saw the survivors of abuse forum ...you could probably go more indepth there about the abuse and seek some of their answers...how old are you?? Can you talk to a teacher? A counciler? Welcome...i am pleased to meet you...you can call me Inny.
hugs, Inny

[veritymoon]

i understand how you feel every day i battle not to cut its really hard. you need someone in real time you can confine someone you can trust.
verity x

[0xwaterx0]

thank u guys so much
but its so hard for me to trust people now
and my cousin(who is like my sister)
had to go through something similar, but not as...how to put it, intense
anyways, her family had to go through things with CPS
and my mom told me if i ever did anyhting like that i would be breaking up the whole family
i dont want to do that, i love my mom more than anything
ive talked to a school counselor about my cousin and my uncle (her dad. which is my dad's twin brother), but every time i tried to say something more, somethng about cutting or being hit, i just couldnt do it.
im 14 btw

[bipolar_bear]

Water I am so sorry for all that you have experienced. I hope you are able to resist cutting. While it seems like it will make things better it really doesn't. And it becomes addictive. I wish you could find someone to confide in like a counselor or someone who has some confidentiality obligation. Would your parents let you see a therapist? It worries me that you are in an abusive environment at home. Would your Dad be willing to see someone? Just something to think abut.

I willl be thinking about you. I know you will make the right deciison for you. Please take care and try and be safe.

BTW welcome to PC.

[0xwaterx0]

thank u so much for the support
i am so glad that everyone here is so kind
i really took your suggestion of therapy, or talking to someone to heart and i thought about my options, but there isnt anyone i can trust.i also know that couselors are required to tell your parents some things that you tell them (like SI) and one thing i dont want is for my parents to find out. i just would not be able to look at them knowing that they know what i have done and/or thought. is there any way i can see someone w/o my parents being contacted or involved? is there any other choice?

[Rapunzel]

Self-injury isn't a cut and dry issue for mandatory disclosure. If you are underage, your counselor may be required to inform your parents if you are in danger and they need to intervene. But a good counselor will tell your parents that your privacy is important to you and essential to your treatment, and will ask your parents to respect your privacy. If your parents insist on having access to information that isn't essential for them to have, or that you don't want them to have, a good counselor will help you to talk to them about it rather than just tell them behind your back.

There are exceptions too, such as for very mature teens, or if your safety would be jepeordized if your parents had access to the information. When you start therapy, talk to the therapist or counselor about confidentiality and disclosure, and find out how they deal with those issues. They will try to help you in any way that they can.

[0xwaterx0]

thanks so much for the advice
ill ask about the privacy issues
and see how it goes
once again thanx

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Oxwaterx0 ))))))))))))))

[Christina86]

Welcome