[amicyco2]

I couldn't help it the Monster was set free from prison and all I could think of was cutting myself. The pressure had been building up for days and then the phone call confirming my worst nightmare come true and well I went off the deep end. I felt a kind of high afterwards and a sense of peace which calmed me and allowed my heart rate to slow was beating rather fast earlier. I tried my usual stuff to keep from it but it had to be done to save myself from something worse. Now the hard part begins living in the same state with the monster paroled now that is a challenge I don't know I can handle. I'll need all the help in the world dealing with this one.

Lin-Lin

[Zenobia]

Hello Lin-Lin. Welcome to our little place. I am glad you found us. I am sorry it has taken me so long to reply to your post. I was out of town yesterday and worked all day today.

I can understand going off the deep end when you got the news. It sounds like you are frightened and overwhelmed by it all. I am wondering if you could call a victims support group of some sort to get information on how to deal with the emotions that come with the prison release of an abuser. Since your usual stuff didn't help to keep you from hurting yourself maybe taking proactive steps toward your safety from this person will help.
You are in my thoughts,
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[amicyco2]

Ozzie,
Thanks for the reply I do need all the help I can get. It's been a few days now and I still am in shock that they let him out and in a town so close to me (only 70 miles from me). I've talked to my therapist and were working on how to deal with this and flood of emotions that it has brought up. Sometimes I still feel like that little girl he molested and whats worse it felt good which totally freaks me out to this day. My therapist says thats normal but I feel so ashamed and dirty about it that I did something wrong to deserve it because it felt good I must be a bad person too. I'm working on this issue and him being free isn't helping any and god forbid if I ever see him again I can't promise anything.

Lin-Lin

[dalila]

Lin Lin

Our bodies are made to feel pleasure. It is not a matter of being dirty or deserving to be hurt. I can understand that you don't feel safe. You didn't deserve what happened you deserve to be treasured and kept safe. Be gentle with yourself.

Love in Him,
Dalila

[Zenobia]

I still feel guilty about the fact that I continued to go back to visit the guy who molested me. The fact was the molestation was not as bad as the loneliness that I felt as a child. He said he loved me and what he did didn't hurt and was to a degree exciting. So I totally understand what you are saying. For many years I blamed myself for being raped because I did keep going back until he raised the stakes and really hurt me. But you know what? It isn't my fault and it isn't your fault for feeling pleasure. Of course it takes time to work through all that stuff, as you well know. I still feel guilty darn near every time I pleasure myself and that was 24 years ago. On the other hand I didn't start trying to get over this garbage until about 4 years ago so that doesn't sound quite so bad.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft