I am a Monster

I couldn't protect a child! Why do I have to live with the fact that my ex made me into a monster?! I tried to get away...to protect a child, but he was too strong...he held me down, grabbed my wrist and forced me on that little girl! I hate him and I hate myself...I should've done more that kneeing him in the groin...I should've killed him! I should've killed myself! Now that little girl has to suffer, I have to suffer, but he doesn't suffer the pain we must endure!

I am so sorry you have to endure that. Abuse is one of the most unfair things in life. They will never have to go through the pain we suffer. They will never even comprehend it. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to talk to us here.

You are not a monster. You are a person who was taken advantage of in a most terrible way and forced to do things against your will. I am sorry for all the shame and guilt you are feeling. It is not your fault you were a victim as was the little girl. Please try to give yourself the kindness you deserve. Obviously you are a very caring person or you would not be so distraught over what happened. Give yourself the same kindness that you would someone else that was abused in this way. Please take care.

I'm so sorry that you had to go thru that. be gentle with yourself. keep talking if you need to.

I have read and re read this thread. Please hang in there and dont blame yourself in anyway!!!! You were under threat!!! You have shown amazing inner strength and courage by not harming firstly yourself (You are numero uno!!) and the sad person that MADE you into something that you normally arent. My biggest huggies to ya!!

Lexicon:

You're not a monster, far from it! Please take great care. We're all here for you.

Hugs,
Kimberly.

((((((((((Lex)))))))))))))