[Lexicon78]

After not cutting for 3 months, I finally did cut a couple weeks ago. I haven't been online in a few weeks. My friend OD'd and since I use her computer to get online, I haven't been on. My friend is ok now, but she was having a lot of trouble.

It was just one of many days where I was so sick of fighting the urge to cut. I went to my PHP one day and just promised myself I would cut. I've done that kind of planning before and not cut, but this day I didn't care. I just went home and cut. It was so pleasurable. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me...I just want to let everyone know what's going on with me. I have to start over again, like I have millions of other times in my life. No big deal there.

I got a new job cleaning a university grounds. Since I was hired I haven't had the urge to cut. Maybe this is the key to my recovery. I'm in a much better mood now. As long as I keep busy I'm ok.

[SweetCrusader]

I have been there, and I know you can come back from there again. Someday maybe you can come back for good. And even if you don't, that's okay. Life is not about perfection.

I am here for you!

Angela
(SweetCrusader)

[Zenobia]

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I am glad your friend is ok, that must have been frightening to you. It is understandable that you got to the place you did and just didn't care about the battle against cutting. You had other things that were needing your attention. Congratulations on the job. That is awsome. I run to my job to avoid life sometimes. It is a distraction from my inner world. It is a stage and I am an actor on it. I can pretend I am normal at my job.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[Fuzzybear]

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