Will it be like this forever

aI've been home from hospital for a few weeks now.I have been self harming for two years now but it has got really bad over the last 6 months.I ended up with septicemia after a wound I did to myself got infected.All my organs started to fail and I was in icu for weeks.I know I need to stop but I don't know how.I don't think talking to a counsellor or psychiatrist helps.Will I be like this forever?I'm trying really hard but I keep thinking about self harming again all the time.It's not that I want to end up in hospital again I just find it realeses so much pain and pressure when I do it.Will it be like this forever.

What brings you to believe that talking to a counselor or psychiatrist cannot help you?

Because I don't like talking about what happened and talking about it only brings back all the bad feelings again and every time you go to them you have to talk about things and I don't really like it and I'm not good at talking out loud I can type things or write things but I don't like talking.Basically I have bottled up everything for the last few years and it has been getting worse and worse now.I don't want to end up in icu again.

Thanks for your reply. It sounds like you definitely are not ready to talk about what happened. Good counselor can talk about other things though, like how to cope without SI. What if a counselor tried to look at the present with you and help you get/stay stabilized, and specifically avoided talking about the past unless you wanted to?

Hi Bill3,
Yeah I'm not ready to talk I don't think I'm ready to talk about anything just yet.I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I SI I just don't know what else to do.Yes maybe if she could just talk about the present but it's because of the past that I SI but it's also because of other things so maybe if we could talk about or maybe write about the other things first then maybe I might get to the past...oh the thought of it scares me!There's a lot going on at the moment but I really need and want to get better without medication.Thanks Bill for replying you are making me feel somewhat hopeful