[bipolarlady]

Hi. I am new here and live in the UK. For several months now our 13 yr old daughter has been hurting herself. She has had a lot to cope with in her life including having a brother with special needs and myself who has bipolar 2 disorder. Also extended family problems.

She actually came and told me at the beginning that she had hurt herself inside her left wrist with the end of her acne tube gel (its sharp) and felt so ashamed, but she could not voice exactly why she had done it. Now it has escalated. On Monday night, before going back to school after holiday she used a knife and cut deep (I don't know where on her body). I knew this because she had left her diary next to her bed and never hides it, almost like she wants me to see it. I went out of my mind reading this this morning as she said in her notes that it hurts like hell.

I have spoken to my counsellor today and took the diary with me, my husband came too. We are going to urge our daughter to seek help from the school counsellor who is very trained in this area. I just hope she goes this time, cos the first time she refused to go.

I have been reading up alot on SI and now understand why she does it, but she is in danger of really hurting herself now and its become a compulsion. I am at my wits end with worry for her.

Thanks for listening.

[Direction]

Welcome to PC!

That was a huge step she took in telling you...hopefully she won't feel violated regarding the dairy...then again maybe she wanted you to see it...hard call...

I'm glad you are reading up on SI...as you will find SI for a lot of us has to do more with coping...making the pain we feel inside phsyical...distracting the pain from within. There are many reasons...the actual act of cutting (in my opinion) is not the serious stuff...it is finding out what's going on inside...

Feel free to PM (private message) me...

Definately get her some professional help. Be ready to listen to her. Let her know you love her, but let her have some distance to heal. OFten buying books for teens that help them is a good sign you care if you arent pushy about making sure they read it. Also, apologizing for your role if you had any in her trials if sincere goes a long way.
ev

[katheryn]

(((((((((((((((((bipolarlady)))))))))))))))

sorry you are going through this at the moment,i understand how anxious this must be making you feel as we have recently been informed by the school that our 13 yr old was SI she still doesnt know we know because that is the way the school wanted to play this out and are keeping a close eye on her
i wish you luck getting het to talk to her school counsellor but if she refuses let them know so they can keep an eye on her

[Christine329]

I'm a new member here as well. Im 25 years old and I have SI since I was a young teen,13. I never told anyone about it until recently. That is excellent that your daughter was able to have the courage to tell you. I think it means she wants help and she trusts you enough to get it for her. I finally opened up and told my husband. He is working with me to get me the help I need. I agree that SI is most often the least of the problems, it truly is the emotional pain that needs to be dealt with. Of course SI can be dangerous so you need to closely monitor her and make sure she is ok. Professional help, caring and supportive parents, understanding and time will get you all through this. If you would like to talk more in detail about my SI, you may private messege me. I'm starting to open up about it all but do not quite feel I am ready to open up on a community messege board but if letting you in on my reasonings and what happens to me when I SI will help you better understand your daughter then by all means I want to help and am willing to do so. Best of luck with everything and hug your daughter for me, I know what she is going through.
Christine

[silver_queen]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is self-harming but it is great that you want to help her and aren't invalidating her in any way.

I agree with the others that the self-harm is a symptom of other things so maybe you could ask he at some point if there is anything that is worrying her. I don't mean to alarm you but maybe she has got into a gang or something and it is scaring her. Also this may sound like I'm using the 'attention-seeking' reason here but as I see it it is a bit strange that your daughter actively wants you to find out about the cutting. Has your behaviour towards her changed any recently? Could she be feeling unloved or like you are ignoring her or are angry with her? She might be wanting you to take care of her. How is she doing in school? She might be having problems there, could she be being bullied? I don't know how much you talk with her but maybe you could try chatting with her about if there is anything wrong, and if she doesn't want to say anything you could keep it open by saying she can tell you anything at any time and you wouldn't get angry (or whatever), at least that would leave it open if she gets any worries in the future.

[Rapunzel]

Some of us do SI in order to get help. If life is chaotic for her and she is afraid of being overlooked, when she is struggling, she may in fact want you to know. Attention-seeking seems like a stigma, but attention is very much a legitimate need. I hope that the school counselor can help her, and I'm glad that you are supportive. As has been said, this is just a symptom. There is a reason behind it that is more important, and needs to be addressed. Sometimes even asking for help in an unhealthy way can be positive because now she will get help.

Rap

[bipolarlady]

Thanks everyone for your replies they are very helpful. Well it has been an emotional weekend for me, my husband and daughter. We have talked with her alot, she has cried and said she wouldnt SI again. It was so healing for her to talk things through, she did a lot with my husband on their own. What touched me alot was when she showed him her wrist he kissed it and she just cried in his arms.

I am so glad and relieved to say that she has also been to the school counsellor for the first time today and apparently spent quite some time with her. She seems much happier and content in herself too.

Thanks again. I hope I dont have to visit again either, take care all

[Direction]

I'm glad that the journey has begun...It will take time and probably many more tears...hoping that it continues...

Feel free to visit back any time even if it's not during the tears...wishing you and your family the best.

[bipolarlady]

Well I think that my daughter cut again this evening, but I am not sure. Its 9pm here in the UK and she wanted her friend round our house NOW! So I said she could call her but obviously asked her what the matter was, she was in tears. I hugged her close and said its alright hunny you will get through this. She is feeling pretty down on herself right now. She was holding her arm under her other arm and she thought i didnt notice that she also has her wristband back on again. Right now they are talking upstairs............thank you all for your support here, really appreciate it.

[Direction]

I visited a friend today who saw old marks...asked me what the kids asked...I told the kids it was our cat...my friend new otherwise...Be glad that she has a friend that she go to...maybe tomorrow when thinks are less stressful you might be able to sit down with her...be careful...about the discussion...more reassurance about your care for her...and less about any SI if it did happen...It tends to be very embarrassing the day after when"you (I) realize what you've (I've)done...