Party's over let the cutting begin

I've been able to keep from cutting while planning my husbands b-day party but now that its over the overwhelming feeling to cut is back and I can't stop it. The voices in my head keep screaming that I'm a bad girl and need to be punished and my headaches are more frequent too. I just don't know how to handle this situation alone. I can't talk to my hubby cause he just gets frustrated and upset over my cutting and doesn't understand why I do it. My therapist is out of town and the emergency # I can't find so I'm alone with all this sh** going through my mind. Cutting is my only option and I know I'll feel better afterwards just to release the pressure and the pain thats built up. I'll deal with shame another day when I'm in a better mood.

Lin-Lin

Be careful, ok? Call a crisis line or go the ER if you need to.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

Lin-Lin,
What was it about planning your husband's birthday party that made it easier for you? Is there a way you could recreate that? I find that when I am planning spiritual rituals I feel better. Maybe you could plan a special outing with your family or put your energy into planning a garden or something. Could it be that since you were planning something special for someone outside yourself it made you feel like a good girl? Headaches were a major problem of mine for years and years. I would have them every single day. It never really went away. I took so many tylenol day after day. Sometimes I wondered if I had a tumor. They went away when I started therapy and got some stuff off my chest.
These are just some thoughts that went through my head when I was reading your post. Please take care of yourself.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft