[LadyDragus]

<center>
I lent a hand and it got slapped
I meant for it to help not hurt
now I want to cut, I can feel the balde in my hand
I have triggerd myself into pian that I do not want to stop
I can taste the blood on my lips from the cuts
I can feel the pain ebbing and flowing down my arm into the sink
I can almost see the cuts.. oh it feels so nice to do it
THe senstation feels so good.
I feel off the wagon.
</center>
I never meant to hurt, but I did. SO NOW I PUNISH MYSELF TONITE..

I will keep to my hole I will no longer help.

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

[dalila]

Lady Dragus,
You are a helper here don't allow yourself to believe differently. Sometimes people hurt so much all they can do is self injure. If that is the route you must take tonight please know you can and will find your way back. It is not unusal to fall into old patterns of coping when stress becomes too much. I have benefited from your posts - I look forward to seeing you overcome this temporary setback.

Dalila

[collegefriend]

Lady Dragus- I just wanted to let you know that you have been a great help to me. You are always there with advice and even a laugh when i need one. I take your advice and thoughts that you have given me alot of thought. I just want you to know that. You are a great person and i am glad that i have met you here because you really have helped me understand.
~collegefriend

<font color=red> It's hard being a snowflake in a world of Cheerios!</font color=red>

[LadyDragus]

well this time, I feel off in a bad way..
I brought my knightmares into the 3d world..
I have cut, and cut badly..

I borke down and cried while I did this, and I have no idea why.. I am not under stress but because this time I hurt antoher person.. I could not take it anymore..
Why do I hurt others, when all I wanted to do is help

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

[LadyDragus]

Thank you..

I wll take your words to heart..

But I have fell off my wagon and I am not sure I will get back on it this time.. for this feels right, but oh so very wrong

<font color=purple>

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am sorry for your pain. I hope you didn't SI too badly. There is always room next to me for a good friend like yourself.

xoxoxox

[radio_flyer]

(((((((((Lady Dragus))))))) .. Just sending a safe hug, because I care..

"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
-George Bernard Shaw - (1856-1950)

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you feel so bad right now. I have every confidence in you that you will get back up again and will feel better. Reaching out to help someone is a good thing to do, and sometimes our best intentions don't get the results we want, but you are still a good person for trying, and for meaning well.

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If we are going to insist that people pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, we must ensure that they have boots."</font color=orange>

[LadyDragus]

i know..
Thank you

<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

thank you

<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

no.. it is hidden on my leg where no one but me and bryon can see it.. so I was safe where I hide it.. this time..


<font color=purple>

[alm15]

Dear, dear Lady. I'm so very sorry you are hurting so much. Your poem brought tears to my eyes. You wrote exactly how I feel. I knew exactly how you felt by what you wrote. I so hope you will be able to stop hurting yourself. You help so many people. If you did hurt someone else, I have no doubt it was a mistake and we all make mistakes. I pray that you will be able to forgive yourself. You've had enough pain in your life. My heart goes out to you. I am here if there is anything I can do.
Annie

[LadyDragus]

we are working through it..
We both made a mistake, but we are trying.. but this time, I have fallen, and it was just a tip of my iceberg as some say..

Other things are starting to surface and I am making headway to what is going on in my head..
I am writing again.. but not on the fourm just yet..
For it is triggering in my own mind, and I am not willing to hurt others by posting it just yet.. Till I am sure Doc will let me..

I love way to many others on here..
I will update in General tonite for all to see ok..

<font color=purple>

[alm15]

I have a lot of new stuff surfacing too. I know it's really positive but it's really hard to maintain at the same time. Thank you for your encouragement. Maybe we can help each other through this.

[Zenobia]

Dearest Lady,
Often times when I write here in response to another's pain, I worry and fret about whether or not I said the right thing. Sometimes I totally mess up and say exactly the wrong thing. When this happens I feel the hurt that I caused and that makes me want to exact a toll on myself for causing someone else the pain that I feel.

My therapist made an interesting point yesterday. She explained that I don't have that kind of power. I don't have the power to MAKE anyone hurt, be mad or feel any way at all. This is a strange thought to me. It is hard for me to wrap my brain around. But it is true. Elenor Roosevelt said it to. No one has the power to make you feel insignificant unless you let them. In otherwords, the only one who decides how you feel is you. And the same goes with those we communicate with. People can say mean hurtful words to me but it is only myself who can choose what to do with those words. Only you can decide what you feel. Only the person you feel you hurt can decide whether she wants to be hurt or not.

I think this is important to remember when we were talking on the forums. We must do our best be kind. We all must do our best to help. But we also must all do our best to realize that mistakes are made and in the end the only feelings we have any control over is our own. In some cases we have to also allow the people we communicate with to take responsibility for their own feelings.

Please, forgive yourself and be kind too yourself.
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft

[LadyDragus]

Yet again Carrie you have given me an insight I could not find on my own..
YOu are the best.. Thank you again.
I will head what you have said and think very hard on it..
Thank you for your words of wisdom.. I will def, read it over and over to make sure I fully understand it all..
WIth the way my mind is playing with me, I will understand what you have written to me..
*** smooches *** and hugs

<font color=purple>

[LadyDragus]

some of mine is postive but a great deal is things I have never had to deal with, and it is scary..

but yes maybe we can help each other..

Thank you ever so mcuh.,,,,

<font color=purple>

[(JD)]

Your post on the general made me go looking for what on earth you are being talked at for now!

(((Lady))))<font color=blue> I am so sorry that you are such a sensitive person and that you have not yet been able to guard against the ups and downs of ppl and life and the "wishes" of others! I wish for you to find balance, and to try to at least TELL yourself that you are valuable, and not a bad person....

it's too bad that sensitivity has become a handicapp in us, isn't it? We all need to work at not exposing ourselves to everyone...for not everyone has our best interest in mind.

you do your best. that's all any of us can do!

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[LadyDragus]

thank you ever so much sky..
It means the world to me that you went out of your way, to look for what I was talking about..

It had happend a very long time ago, and i wont bring it up agin..
I just wont post "triggering things' for I do not want to hurt others anymore..

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

thank you so much for lending a helping hand. So sorry you didnt get the response you deserved! I think everyone who loves enough to give help and compassion deserves something special.

[LadyDragus]

tis ok. now..
the person I have helped.. is doing better now, or so I hope she is..
so it is all good and better now..

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better

[kimboboo]

I'm glad things worked out for you.

[LadyDragus]

ya So am I..

I am looking at a brighter tommorw

<font color=purple>
take time to heal thyself before trying to help others, or you will never get better