[lil_bit]

I am so so SO freaking disappointed in myself right now! I lost control the night before last...I grabbed a razor for the first time in over a YEAR. A whole freaking YEAR! and I ruined all that success in less than 30 minutes. I suck. I just plain suck. So obviously I feel horrible right now. I seem to be falling back into all my old habits.

Tonight I did it again...BUT...this time won't be like before, not like a year ago. I can handle this...I am so afraid that someone will see and freak out that I make only one cut...just one and go over it over and over again. It's not that deep, just enough to bleed...so I can finally breathe...Is it means for me to worry...about just one cut? I mean, one tiny line..not even that deep..can't be that bad...right?
HELP! I'm falling and I need a hand here!

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((lil bit))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Please don't be so hard on yourself. Can you try and see what an accomplishment it is that you refrained from cutting for a whole year? Cutting can be such an addtictive action that I hope you try and utilize some of the other coping skills you used throughout the past year. Please try and be safe. I am here if you need someone.

BB

<font color="#000088">So you slipped, I know how frustrating that can be after going an entire year. You feel like that whole year just got flushed down the toilet ,right? Wrong! Everything you learned about controlling those urges to cut, and keep yourself from cutting, the coping skills,whatever you did to replace the cutting is still there! It's all inside your head, just because you slipped up and cut again, that doesn't erase everything that you had learned during the year you had gone without cutting. You still carry that knowledge inside of you, and can still tap into it and try to use some of those same coping skills that helped you keep safe before, or even come up with new ones if you have to! But please don't be so hard on yourself, it's very difficult to quit cutting completely. You did great just by making it an entire year! Slipping up is very common with anyone who is trying to stop. So it doesn't make you a bad person for making a mistake. You actually are more of a success for being able to hold on for as long as you did! Don't be so hard on yourself, we all slip when trying to stop at one point or another! Nobody is perfect! But great work on the year without!
Good luck with fighting this,I think you can do it, just remember what helped last time you stopped! </font>

[lil_bit]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
bipolar_bear said:
(((((((((((((((((((((((((lil bit))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Please don't be so hard on yourself. Can you try and see what an accomplishment it is that you refrained from cutting for a whole year? Cutting can be such an addtictive action that I hope you try and utilize some of the other coping skills you used throughout the past year. Please try and be safe. I am here if you need someone.

BB

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks so much...yeah I see that I made it such a long long way, and I'm happy that I made it that far. Right now it's just weird...like all of those old feelings have just suddenly come back and slapped me in the face and I don't know how to handle them..maybe that's why I resorted to the only thing I've ever really known to help me "handle" things that I am unsure of.

[lil_bit]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Justice said:
<font color="#000088">Everything you learned about controlling those urges to cut, and keep yourself from cutting, the coping skills,whatever you did to replace the cutting is still there!</font>

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks, this is what I'm trying to do. Before I just kept myself very very busy and immersed myself in other people's lives to pull me out of my own personal misery. I'm not sure that will work this time though...unfortunately...the lives I am immersing myself in, those of the people closest to me, are all going through this exact same battle right now. One of my friends (who had not self injured in a year or so) was triggered yesterday when he saw my own cuts. I hate myself for letting him see because now it is throwing him into a depressed state again. Now both of us are down...and hopefully not out...yet.

I am trying nonetheless though...

I did it again.
I suck.
I cut that same spot again twice more, every night I do it now. Every night a little deeper, a little more blood. Last night there were "x" cut into my ankles as well. I had to make myself stop.

but i'm trying..i'm fighting...

thank you guys..for listening to my rambles...and for offering understanding..thank you SO much.

((((lilbit))))
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. You had a slip but thats not a reason to give up. Just pick up where you left off and continue on. Think of it like a ladder. Your trying to get to the top along the way you will fall down before continuing up. Don't fall all the way to the begging just because of one slip. Hope you feel better soon.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( lil bit )))))))))))))))