i'm still here

hi guys. it's been a while since i've had anything to say, but now i've got a good story. i'm on summer vacation from school, and so far it's been pretty much boring, not helping with the si at all. so i used to come online a whole lot. so i'd go and talk to people on the aol chat rooms for si. i made a whole lotta friends and its helped somewhat, especially one guy i met. this guy, he's 24 years older than me, living in new hampshire, and just one of those nice guys that wants to help people. he made me promise to him that i wouldn't si, or else he would call the hospital in my area, since me being a stupid little 15 year old told him the numbers. at 4 in the morning last week, he calls half way across the country. that was fun. i just got into bed and the cops come up to the door and the hospital is on the phone. they just filed the report that they came, and finally after 3 years of hiding, my mom finally knows and i can wear the clothes i want to. i went to the doctor the next day to get checked out and they made a referral to the hospital. that's the army for ya. anyway, so now i'm waiting on a list to go and get evaluated by the actual doctor. anyway, that's my story an i thought i should tell someone since all my friends are either out of town, or my mom doesn't want me talking to them anymore cuz they're "crazy". she shouldn't be talking cuz she keeps callin me crazy, an it takes one to know one. so i'll shut up now. just wanted to tell people. so i'll leave you alone an see what people have to say. not that anyone really cares, but thats all right

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."
Johann von Goethe

Hang in there, maybe getting help will be a good thing. You might get the help you need and I do not know what crazy means anyway. Good luck.

aww hun *hugs* i'm sorry about everything thats going on. Getting help will be good for you. I know how hard it is to stop si, but it is possible. The hard part is getting to the point to where you do want to stop. I really hope that things go better for you, if you need to vent remember we're here. good luck

*~in my field of paper flowers, candy clouds a lullaby, i lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me~*

Thanks for telling us what is happening. I think that getting help is a good thing, so I really hope that you will give it a chance. Your friend called because he cares about you. I care too. I just wish that your mother were more understanding and supportive than it sounds like she is, but it's a difficult thing for parents to deal with too, because it tends to make them question how they might have failed you, and also because it hurts to know that someone you love hurts that much. So that often means that parents don't act the way they ideally should, because they don't really know what to do. I wish she hadn't cut you off from your friends or called them crazy. What do people mean by that word anyway? I do crazy things, including SI, but my T said I wasn't crazy. Anyway, I hope that getting help is beneficial to you and you don't have to hurt so much anymore.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

<font color=orange>"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill "</font color=orange>

well, my mom called the hospital a week ago, and i still don't know when the appointment is. that's the military. they could call back in a few days an say my appointment is in september. that helps a whole lot. they made me sign this safety contract so if i do anything that would piss them off i will be admitted to the hospital. kinda tryin to avoid that, even though it would be nice to spend some time away from my mother. been entirely too overprotective and won't leave me at home alone anymore. keepin me away from my computer, an i need my computer. but i'm doing okay. i've never wanted to si more than in the past week an a half an i still don't know how i've been stopping myself. but yeah. apparently life does go on and everythings supposed to be okay.

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."
Johann von Goethe

well...i just found out today. i have an appointment on thursday to go be evaluated or sumthin. i really don't wanna go. jus kinda scared. could anyone tell me what to expect? later

"We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe."
Johann von Goethe