So Alone... "Trigger Warning"

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I would like to tell you I am doing well. That I am happy and hopeful. That I am looking forward to the wedding and my trip to Germany and England. I want to say I feel loved and wanted and accepted. That I want to continue this life but the truth is vastly different.

I am overwhelmed, I carry a burden others can not carry. I seek an end to the struggle. A peace that eludes me. A solitude that evades me. A hope that lasts. A life free from the desire to cut. The eternal sleep.

But all this still eludes me. I still live.

I feel so sorry for you. I wish you find the strength to be just happy with breathing in and out. All the best wishes!!!

I think when I am going through stuff it can bring me closer to God. But sometimes I tend to push God and others away when actually I need them the most.

If I set to serve God and do His work but get out of touch with Him the sense of responsibility I feel can be overwhelming and defeating. But if I decide to come closer to God with the burdens He has placed on me, He takes away that immense feeling of responsibility replacing it with an awareness and understanding of Himself and His presence…

Sometimes the best option is not the right option but when you are left with few choices maybe the wrong choice is the right choice...

Do you want to talk about it Amanda?

Thank you DaX15. Maybe we can talk today. Yesterday it would have been meaningless...

I just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. If you ever need to talk I am here.

Sorry you are so down. I hope you find a way to overcome. Good luck. We are here...

Thank you...

Hi Amanda

I'm sorry you've been struggling so much, but it is so good that you've felt able to share this in getting some support

I'd say that some "days", it's true, you might not be able to see/believe in the "light at the end of the tunnel" as in eventual peace, solitude, freedom from struggle however much you want to...........but in those times it may help to try to look/hope for/dream of the snippets of those things......that may be easier to see/believe in..........and some snippets can/will come......and we can hope that in time or gradually they will last longer/build into more/overtake the.........so more about taking things one day at a time and really focusing on making it through the day the best way you can.........knowing that there can be more

As for not looking forward to the wedding or trip (or maybe much at all??).........well depression can take those feelings away............but how about looking at it differently for now/today...........there is no law that says that you have to/should look forward to those things especially if you're depressed...........but if you can accept that they are coming up and bear in mind there's a chance that you might enjoy something of them when they happen and for now/today.............try to think of something you might look forward to...........plan yourself something, however tiny, something that might help even just a tiny bit...........or even look forward to a time when you're going to be able to make it on here and share with us exactly how things are feeling for a little support........because we care

Alison