[Zenobia]

It is all stacking up in my brain again. I have hurt myself once already I don't want too again. Please help me see the options, please give me some ideas how to cope with these things.

1. My dog is getting old, losing strength in his hind end. I am afraid I am going to have to put him down. How do I know when the right time is? I asked my husband to take him to the vet but he didn't now I have to on friday.

2. My mom is on the phone right now leaving a message asking about who is coming to visit her. I have told her a million times what is happening I can't deal with her right now.

3. I failed my son yet again. He wanted to join pee wee football. I asked my husband to take care of it but he didn't do anything about it so I tried but I froze and couldn't get it done. Now I don't know how to tell him he isn't going to be in the league. He wanted it so badly.

4. My store is moving to a new location. I was supposed to go to a meeting yesterday but forgot about it. I feel guilty as hell. I am not the only one to forget but I feel so bad anyway. I know it is stupid.

5. My husband hates his job. He comes home almost everyday and talks about how cruddy it is and how he is going to quit but how he can't because he is stuck in it and can't afford to quit but he is going to quit if he doesn't get next weekend off. I suggest to him that he start looking for a new job but he blows me off. He has up and quit a job before. I can't stand listening to it anymore but can't seem to say "shut up already!"

6. Past financial mistakes are swallowing up our future. I have no access to the money it would take for me to get the help I need. It makes me so mad because I begged him to stop spending so much money, to stop using the credit cards. I hate not being able to take care of myself because he decided to go bar hopping 10 years ago.

7. I want to crawl into a hole and die yet I struggle everyday to get out of bed and keep on keeping on. I am just tired of trying. I want to curl up into a ball and whimper but it is not allowed. I want to just not be here right now.

Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[Zenobia]

Guess what I really need is a hug and someone to say that it is going to be just fine.
CK

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[shakes]

(((((((Carrie)))))))))
I can so understand how overwhelming money can be and how it can leech into other parts of life.
Have you ever thought of going to through one of those debt consolidation companies? They are really suppose to help with lowering monthly credit card payments. Maybe it would help free your mind to other things you have to do and put you in more control.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{Carrie}}}}}}}}}}

You're not alone. The only think I can offer is to take each issue as it comes up, try not to look ahead or you'll get submerged in "what ifs".

I also just want to curl up and not move. Am starting to sleep again alot to escape.

You can do it, hun. If there is anyone that has a knack of looking at things from a good perspective, it's you. Right now, "you" are in hiding but will venture out soon.

You're a very special lady, Carrie.

xxoxoxo

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

Zenobia,

The last two animals that I personally had to make decisions about their end of life due to age and illness I was fortunate to have vets that came to my houses to put my animals down. Many years apart and totally different vets. Both had hearts of gold and really knew the stress of bringing in an animal to say goodbye and that's why they were so willing to come to my houses to take care of things.

The vets usually will take the animal for disposal if you and family cannot deal with that aspect.

For me I kept my kitty to bury. And the dog I took her myself to another vet office here in town that also cremates animals. She was put into a beautiful box and my ex returned her to the state she belonged to. I've since had the joy to visit her in her natural surroundings where she is fully at peace.

I'm very sorry you dog is not well and that the time is near. The hardest part is realizing that the dog is ready probably before you are. So listen to his heart and eyes and he will absolutely let you know when he is ready.

(((Zenobia))) my animal prayers are with you during this hard time.

<font color=purple> --zh </font color=purple>

[(JD)]

(((((Zenobia)))))) things will be okay.

feel better?

now, let me explain.

these things you listed are called : LIFE! surprise!

mother's are like that. oh well.

dogs are like that. it's tough, it really, really is.

NOT being in pee wee football is a good thing oh the problems children have from forcing their bodies into sports too early.... and children need to learn about disappointments and about not getting everything they want immediately (something it sounds like your spouse NEVER learned?)

I rarely come into this forum, so forgive my intrusion, but please don't take it out on yourself. I do understand guilt, but as my T just reminded me TODAY ::: guilt is a choice.

gads I didn't want to hear that. I don't SI, but sure beat myself up other ways.

ok. so I'm pessimistic... what's the worst that can happen (and, in my mind, maybe some good things too?) you could take the kid and leave, you could actually divorce, you could go bankrupt, ...

gee you'd think I could think of worse things in my state of mind...

yeah ok your life ain't so hot right now...but you're an adult. Tell yourself that pretty soon you will make some adult decisions to make your and your son's life better.....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

<div class="foot">(Edited by SkyBdark on 07/20/04 07:27 PM.)</div>

[ghost]

because i'm chronically ****, and i wanted to reply, i'll just list my responses...

1. my puppy had similar problems. but for years, my mom would just help carry her hind end up and down the stairs. she was such a good dog, but in the end, it was obvious she was starting to suffer, and couldn't get up at all any more. she'd still wag her tail when they'd go near her (i was away at college), but they just knew it was time. i'm thinking good, peaceful thoughts for your puppy, too. i hope you still have some time left with her.

2. good for you for letting the answering machine get it-- if you can't deal with your mom right now, then don't worry about dealing with her right now. gods know i've ignored my phone a few times, too.

3. any chance you call call up the pee wee football folks and register him late by phone? (i'm famous for the "i coudln't make it to the scheduled time-- family emergency!" excuse.)

4. don't worry about missing the meeting-- sure, it sucks, you might get a talkin'-to, but the reality is that it happens. (and see excuse in #3 above.)

5. i think you should tell your husband to put up or shut up, but that's just me. hand him some classifieds. or walk away. but i have little patience.

6. i highly recommend Money Management International for debt consolidation. They've been fabulous to work with for me. It doesn't cost or hurt to call and just see what they could do for you.

7. good for you for plowing on. there's still some obvious strength and fight left in you. it gives me hope for me, too.

i know what it's like to be overwhelmed. try to take it one step at a time. you've already broken it down into a nice list. now it's just time to tackle it. keep your chin up.

((((((zenobia))))))

ghost

---------
....Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

[Zenobia]

I want to thank everyone for responding each in her own way. I did poorly for the hour after I posted. I ended up crouched on the floor of the shower zoned out at which time I cut myself. Sigh. Then I got dressed, went to work, left a message with my T, and then was able to have a ***** session with a co-worker and my boss. Didn't come up with much but the 3 of us got a lot off our chests.

Jessica--We did debt counsoling once. It worked well for a short while, we even got our debt down halfway. Now we are over twice what we had before we went in. Problem was lessons were not learned. Sigh. My husband needs to deal with the consequences or he won't learn, unfortunately in order for him to deal with the consequences I too have to deal with them. I don't have the answer. What makes me feel so powerless is that I have asked, begged, demanded, pleaded that he change his habits and nothing changed. The fact is that I have no control over this aspect of my life and therefore do not feel safe. He is making a big effort right now to change his behavior but I have to wait and see. I am trying to be positive and supportive but all the while I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eventually I want to refinance through my bank who carries our mortgage but we need to get our payments in on time for awhile to be even considered.

Mary Alice--thanks for your empathy. Can we curl up together for a little while? That was the hardest part of yesterday, fighting the desire just to crawl into bed and going to sleep. I knew I couldn't do it because if I did I would be up all night and the cycle would begin.

Susan--thanks for the hug. I so needed it.

Zenhussy--It is such a difficult decision. With my kitty I took him into the vet because he was sick and he was locked in a little cage for the last 2 days of his life scared and alone. I won't let that happen to another of my pets. So I have avoided vets for the last 4 years. Now I need a vet's help because I can't just sit here and watch my dog and other cat deteriate and not do anything about it. I took my other cat in a couple of weeks ago. It was about all I could do. I needed my husband to take the dog in but he didn't. He couldn't get the dog in the car. I know I shouldn't resent him for it, but I do because now I have to go to the vets with my dog. I don't want to go, I really really don't want to go. But I have too. I don't know anyone who can come here. Sigh.

Sky--Yeah, it is life but so is getting hit by a train or getting cancer. It is all just life. And sometimes life can drown someone and destroy them. Life is what each of us goes through from birth to grave. I understand all that I listed is just life but so was the lump in my friend and coworker's breast. Just life. It is also part of life to turn to other's and ask for their support. To whine and cry so that your friends can give you a hug and kind words. Sometime Life just plows people under to see what comes up from the furrow six weeks later. It is just life. I appreciate you trying to put it into perspective, I am just a wee bit to bitter for that kind of perspective. Sorry.

Ghost--Thank you for your "****" reply. A couple of my responses are up above to other people but here are the plans that I have started to formulate:
1. Take the dog to the vet already and stop whining about it. If he has to be put down at least I gave him what love I could.
2. I am going to call mom and tell her I can't come over this weekend. I can't deal with her and her problems right now and I shouldn't feel like it is my responsibility to get the kids over there to see her. I have more pressing things on my plate right now. Self Care.
3. I talked to my T about the whole football thing. She said I have to truely give the problem to my husband. I asked him for help, he said he would do it, then what do I do? I swoop in for the save and then take all the guilt when things don't get done. That is not the way it should be. I have to tell my husband that it is up to him to take care of like he said he would, then I have to step away from it.
4. I bought an I'm Sorry card and gave it to my co-worker to apologize for missing the meeting.
5. You are totally right here. I just have to get the courage up and voice it. My husband needs to make the choice about his job for himself and there truely isn't anything I can do about it. I can always sell the house if I need too.
6. See message above to Jessica.
7. Have I any choice but plowing on? I may poke myself with pins and cut myself with razors but I DO NOT want to fail this lesson in life and end up having to live it all over again. I will not quit no matter how much I want too. I am one who believes we live a life over and over until the lesson is learned and then we move on. I won't do this again.

Thanks again everyone. You helped me tremendously.
Love you,
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[PlanningtoLive]

Just because you deserve it..............you're the best, Carrie.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
Dorothy Bernard

[Zenobia]

Thanks Mary Alice. Good, wonderful chocolate, mmmmm.

I want to thank everyone again. Your help was enormous. Being able to come here and list my problems and having everyone give ideas and help me put them in perspective and remind me of what I am already trying to do means a lot to me. I am feeling so much better. Thank you.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

[shakes]

Carrie,
I am so glad that you are feeling a little better. That brightens my day.


Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[(JD)]

NP you have the right to be bitter by my post. I always try to post something a bit different than what others do (unless it's just a welcome or such) so I expect a different response.

And I don't expect you to accept "life" as it is. I sure don't. In fact, I personally am going kicking and screaming through it. Some perspective I have.

Perhaps some of what you listed I identified with too much?

Anyway, maybe things are going better for you now.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>