What does real coping mean, anyway?

maybe we can start a "still trying" thread. slipping, but still holding on by a claw.

I hope this reply is not out of order, i do not mean to speak out of turn but i don't like the word 'coping' at all. I don't know why...maybe it is my interpretation of the word....to me it means that someone is just about getting by. I know everyone has a 'coping' time for one reason or another at some point, maybe it just shows the very strict rules i have for myself but I do not accept myself 'to just get by', that isn't enough. And i don't like knowing that many people are 'coping'. I don't know why it is a negative word for me......i just think coping should be for as little time as possible, i think that coping skills should be there to allow you to live. Not be coping.

Ahhhh i'm confusing even myself here!! And i fear i may have said many antagonising things, please know that my understanding is limited and this is simply my interpretation....i am open to anyone who wants to further my understanding

ps - good for you getting your hair cut rapunzel!! I'm sure it looks pretty! Do you like to keep it long?

(((((((((((((((((rap))))))))))))))))))

((((( hugs ))))))

I wonder, Abby, if for you coping is associated with just barely coping, just barely getting by, or holding on by a claw. Often that is what it means. I'm coping is at least better than not coping, but it doesn't sound like exactly excelling or necessarily winning the battle either. It's survival level. So basically you want better than just surviving? I think that makes sense. It's just that when things get hard, excelling might be too high of a goal right then, and coping is what we need to do. And even if we associate coping with getting by, there can still be coping well, or coping poorly. Even coping poorly is better than not coping at all.

I feel bad that I haven't replied to everyone individually in this thread, but I still hope you all know that I appreciate every hug, comment, and every bit of support offered. Thank you all.

Love,
Rap

have someone be nice to you?

((((Rap))))))))
For what ever reason when someone is nice to me I look at the floor.......
You have been very kind to me.....You deserve to have ppl be kind to you
But yes I know what you mean...........
For me I think its cause I tryed so hard to have ppl be nice to me. when i was little ..when it did not happen,,,,well i was trained to think I did not deserve it now when it hapens here or irl I am amazed
Take care of your self

YEah, I think that's it. It doesn't seem real if anyone is nice to me, and in my mind the arguments that I don't deserve it just overshadow it completely. So I often go around thinking everyone is probably mad at me IRL.

For a long time, T would not be nice to me or give me praise because so many times I did something destructive with in e week or two when she did. She decided that I couldn't handle positive feedback. Once I realized that I missed it, and why I couldn't have it, we were able to work on that.

(((((((((((((((((((rapunzel)))))))))))))))))))
Always good to read your insights. They are so clear and thoughful.
Kiya