just because?

its almost like an addiction. I dont know or understand why i am having the overwhelming urge to SI. Things arent totally bad or good either way. Some bad thoughts, some good, some indifferent. Just an overwhelming urge to relieve some wierd kind of pressure. Its odd things like that that are bringing up feelings to si. Its kind of wierd. a slight bit of pressure regarding the possibility of having a new job. Maybe the pressure of wanting it. and needing the money i dont know;...;..just know that its really getting strong and i feel like I wont be able to sleep without at least one cut......

thanks for letting me babble.

colleen

You babble, we listen :-) Hope you figure out a coping strategy that work.

Do you know about S.A.F.E.? http://www.selfinjury.com/

Hey perna thanks for the site. I plan to check it out right now.

its some wierd addiction thing. not any type of real "trigger" but its there and i cant truly explain why.

thank you for responding. I will check it out now.

Hugs to you, my friend.
Colleen

checked out the site. i just talked to my T for a few minutes. i feel ok. but still having wierd urges. I dont have insurance right now. just need to relieve the pressure.

But thanks........im sure it will get better......

Dear Colleen,

Hi, I just wanted to add my support for you. I too, have had this urge or need to want relieve the pressure. For me, I struggle with the causes of this. I think that it sometimes is an urge to feel or not to feel something, the bad memories, struggles of what each day brings, guilt, mental exhaustion, or just tired of being here. It has gone on for such a long time and one day an important question hit me. I ask this question each and every time I feel this urge... Why do I find it necessary to punish myself when I have done nothing to deserve this? It is this question that re-directed my thinking from one that wanted to relieve pressure and the shear habit of hurting myself to one that caused me to realize that it is not my fault and that no matter how many times that I hurt myself, it will not make anything better. For me, abusing myself is like treating the symptom, rather than the cause. I still have the urges, but I ask that question and then find any way to keep my mind busy. This has helped me for many years now, and I hope that this will help you too. Please take care of yourself,

Sincerely,

David (NewDawnFades)

My dear friend.... we need to communicate more!

(((((((((((Colleen))))))))))))))

PM me whenever. I may not always be around, but I'll also respond as soon as I can.

Glad you were able to talk to your T for a few minutes. How are you doing at the moment?

I do know the addiction of SI pretty well - when it starts to lose it's grasp on you with having solid reasons to SI (like a trigger or extreme stress) its like your entire mind tries to convince you that you need to do it. You don't really, and that's the hardest thing to learn/accept.

I care about you, because without you I'd be a miserable wreck a few times. Be good to yourself, because you're important.

Have you thought about making a list of reasons why it's not worth it SIng? There's a post in the main forum but if you make your own list and keep it somewhere to look at ... it can help to remind yourself that you are worth it. You are important. And you don't deserve to hurt.

Love ya.

your not babbling... i think that just about any strong emotion can send me there... lyn

David, I admire your strength. I really do . i think its wonderful that youve gotten past this awful coping mechanism. I am still working on it .
I ended up talking to my mom about it and feeling rather better afterwards. then i went to sleeeeep.

Thanks so much for caring.

Colleen

Hey friend! Glad to see you back! My mom talked me through this last night. and im forever grateful that shes so understanding of why this is difficult. Puts my mind at ease.

Will be PMing you today.......

You rock!
Colleen

Hey lyn, You are such a good friend here. You know that right? I made it through another night. thanks to mom.

How are YOU feeling. I havent been around much but still hoping you are well.;
Colleen

(((((((Colleen)))))))) I'm so happy you made it thru the night without SI. Just shows how strong you really are, doesn't it?

If you don't mind, I have a question. You say your mom talked you thru it and you felt better ... enough better so you were able to sleep. Is that what it takes ... someone who understands and will talk/listen to you? I love my daughter very much and I'm trying to understand about SI. We talk a lot every day BUT I'm still worried that it isn't enough somehow.

I'm sure there's more I could DO. I'd appreciate any help you ... any of you ... could give me! I want so badly to be a

GoodMama

i am doing ok....i think.... things have been pretty hard this past couple weeks... the thing that triggers my anxiety and panic attacks the most is the thought that one of my kids aren't safe... and this one included my son and his babies... i don't know if things are ok yet... but i am hanging in there...and haven't si...lyn

Colleen, how are you holding up? When do you see T again?
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
kiya

Hey kiya, I see the T on thursday. holding up well. im at 43 days today WOO HOOO!!!!!

its wierd, everytime i say that i get an urge, but doing ok with it.

how are you my friend?

(((((((((Colleen)))))))))
I'm sorry I didn't see this until just now... How are you doing??? PM me if you'd like ... I'll be checking on and off all day.
Stay safe...

Hey bud!
Doing good today...so far. still urges but not as strong just yet. just waiting to hear about the job. ineed this job. im getting sick and tired of being way too broke. I hope to hear from them today.

Will pm you later when I hear. if I hear. Im worried. its 10 am in chicago and by now i was hoping just a phone call from the recruiter saying "hey we didnt hear but dont worry" but nothing. i almost feel as if i may not get it.

keep everything crossed.

Colleen

Have all my fingers and toes crossed for ya...

Heard anything yet?

still freakin waiting....sheesh. i thought i was good enough that there wouldnt be a hard decision. slowly feeling verrrry depressed.......

god i need a job.

will pm in just a bit.
colleen

It's ok, not all is lost. Did they tell you when you would know by? It's not been that long, there's still plenty of time!

Chin up friend, don't lose hope yet!