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  #101  
Old Feb 18, 2021, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by whisperingskye View Post
Good job on giving it up for lent. 40 days is another big step
Thanks @whisperingskye!
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  #102  
Old Mar 03, 2021, 05:06 PM
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I haven't been having too many self harm urges but today I had some memories of the hospital and then after that I have wanted to self harm. It's not all encompassing wanting to. It's a moderate wanting to. I need to get distracted, probably once I am off of work, and then I will probably not notice the urges so much. Right now I am not distracted so I am noticing the urges.


In other news I am taking April 2nd off of work (good Friday) to celebrate the end of Lent. Which I know doesn't officially end until Easter. But I figure if I make it to Good Friday I will make it to Easter.
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  #103  
Old Apr 06, 2021, 01:01 PM
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I'm having bad urges today. I know that means that my level of distress is overwhelming my coping strategies. I know that is all that it means. I have to wonder if it is worth it to throw everything away for the sweet relief SH would bring.
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  #104  
Old Apr 06, 2021, 05:20 PM
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Now I am numbed out and no longer care. I got so distressed that my numbing coping mechanism took over. I don't care. I hope I stay numb.
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  #105  
Old Apr 06, 2021, 05:45 PM
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  #106  
Old Apr 08, 2021, 04:52 PM
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Still numb. At least it's better than tons of urges.
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  #107  
Old Apr 08, 2021, 08:53 PM
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((((((((SlumberKitty))))))))
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  #108  
Old May 05, 2021, 03:57 PM
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Seriously, there was just an Ad on here on My Support Forums that talked about getting your knives sharp. For goodness sakes people! I don't need that sort of messaging!
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  #109  
Old May 05, 2021, 04:33 PM
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Seriously, there was just an Ad on here on My Support Forums that talked about getting your knives sharp. For goodness sakes people! I don't need that sort of messaging!
That must have been really triggering. I hope you are coping okay.
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  #110  
Old May 05, 2021, 05:06 PM
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That must have been really triggering. I hope you are coping okay.
Thanks. It startled me first and then it triggered me. I'm coping with it okay. I was just like WTH? On a day when I'm having hallucinations and stuff I don't need this mess. Did some breathing exercises and stuff and I'm okay. Thanks for asking! Kit
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  #111  
Old May 05, 2021, 05:19 PM
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Thanks. It startled me first and then it triggered me. I'm coping with it okay. I was just like WTH? On a day when I'm having hallucinations and stuff I don't need this mess. Did some breathing exercises and stuff and I'm okay. Thanks for asking! Kit

I hope you are proud of yourself, because I am, you did deal with that perfectly.
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  #112  
Old May 10, 2021, 08:29 PM
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Do John mentioned to report any triggering ads, also someone mentioned that if you change the skin in settings the ads go away completely. It works!
Also also, I’ve read your posts, all the way from last year.
You are so strong, and I can see that your self care is growing to fill the void that self harm used to occupy.
Thank you for writing down your journey for us to see.
Wether you succeed in never self harming again or if you relapse, your story will continue to motivate us and hopefully it helps you in some way as well.
We are rooting for you slumber kitty!
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  #113  
Old May 11, 2021, 11:44 AM
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Thanks @ReptileInYourHead! It means a lot to me that you read all my posts in this series. It is good for me too to go back and see how far I've come. It is encouraging to me to know that I can make it through lots of urges and triggers. I did report the ad to BlueKoi and they said they forwarded it on to Doc John. I did have an ad blocker on my computer and then I got a new computer and haven't put one on. I just didn't expect to see that!


The past few days I've been having urges and wanting to's. I don't know where it is coming from. It's hard when it just seems to come out of no where. I was having some voices because I got mixed up on my medication for a few days. So I don't know if it is the fall out from that, or because I've been kind of depressed. Or just what exactly. But I'm doing self care and reaching out to others and getting through it one day at a time, Sometimes one moment at a time.


Thanks for your encouragement!!! It means a lot! HUGS Kit
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  #114  
Old May 14, 2021, 04:07 PM
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I had an appointment with my care coordinator today. She just did a questionnaire about anxiety and depression and asked me what was going on. It was a short call maybe 10 minutes. She said I scored severe on depression and moderate on anxiety. And she asked when I see pdoc next and when the last time I had been hospitalized was. She's calling me back in a week and a half. 475 days without self harm. Been having urges though. Sigh. Doing affirmations though to help.
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  #115  
Old May 14, 2021, 10:19 PM
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Hang in there SlumberKitty! You are doing great work!
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  #116  
Old May 28, 2021, 04:31 PM
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I always used to cover up my arms (which is where the majority of my self harm scars are) but lately I have been wearing short sleeves. Its been more than 16 months since I have self harmed and so I am not having to worry about anything fresh showing. I do have some scars that are pink still and a lot, lot, lot of white scars. I am a little afraid to wear short sleeves at work but I've begun to anyway. It's hot here in So. California. Although I do bring a sweatshirt so if I am starting to feel vulnerable about my scars showing I can put on the sweatshirt and not feel so self conscious. I think it's good overall that I am wearing short sleeves. It's not that I'm proud of my scars, I'm just not ashamed of them.
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  #117  
Old May 28, 2021, 04:37 PM
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Wonderful work SlumberKitty!



What has it been like for you to wear short sleeves at work?
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  #118  
Old May 28, 2021, 04:41 PM
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Wonderful work SlumberKitty!



What has it been like for you to wear short sleeves at work?
Thanks Bill3.


It's been weird wearing short sleeves at work. I've worked here since 2016 and I always always always wore long sleeves or once in a while three quarter sleeves. So it is very strange for me to wear short sleeves. If anyone has noticed the scars, they haven't said (and it's nobody's business so I hope they don't mention it). But if they do, I feel more confident that I can say that is something in my past and it's not a current issue. I feel like I am empowered because of this new reality. And there is nothing I can do to change the fact that I have scars so I might as well be comfortable in my own skin.
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  #119  
Old Jun 07, 2021, 02:08 PM
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I've been having some pretty serious self harm urges. It's so hard. I'm praying that God takes them away from me.


Tomorrow will be 500 days without self harm. I don't know if these urges are real (I do feel emotionally overwhelmed) or if it is some sort of self sabotage.


I don't trust myself to self harm safely. I know if I self harm it will require stitches and it will necessitate a trip to the ER and it could land me back in the psych hospital. I KNOW all of this. And yet the urges remain.


I'm following my crisis plan. I've alerted some friends. I am talking on here. I haven't set up a plan with my new therapist so I am just using my old plan. He did say to squeeze some ice which I might do a little later on. Stupid urges remain.

Just wanted to get them out of my head. Thanks for listening. HUGS Kit
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  #120  
Old Jun 07, 2021, 02:15 PM
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Hang in there Kit!

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  #121  
Old Jun 07, 2021, 05:23 PM
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I'm trying, it's just oh so hard. I haven't had urges like this in some time. I am out of practice!
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  #122  
Old Jun 07, 2021, 07:42 PM
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You are hanging in!
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  #123  
Old Jun 08, 2021, 02:15 PM
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I thought the urges might be because I was coming up on a big day, 500 days no self harm, but I am mistaken. I am still having urges even though I hit the 500 mark. I don't know. Maybe my depression is acting up. Maybe its something else. I can't tell. I usually never can. I'm just in a really hurting space and so I want to hurt myself to feel better. HUGS Kit
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  #124  
Old Jun 08, 2021, 04:03 PM
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I'm trying to "ride the wave" of the urges. It's so hard. I keep visualizing what it would be like to self harm. I can feel the bite of the blade. I can see red. I know it would feel amazing to give into it. And then it would feel like crap. I don't want to start all the way over after making it to 500 days. I don't want to have to go to my family and friends and tell them I relapsed. I don't want to possibly end up back at the hospital. I have to get strong. I have to stay strong. I have to fight this!
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  #125  
Old Jun 08, 2021, 10:44 PM
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Hang in there Kit!!!!

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