struggling

im really struggling to fight the urge to si at the moment, i dont know why because nothing has really happened to trigger me, i just feel so much like i need to, this fighting it is wearing me out, any advice anyone?

Marko

Elmarko,
The best advice that I can give is leave your surroundings for awhile. Go for a walk...a drive...do anything that will take your mind off of the urge.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

Could be that it has just been too long since you last did it and so it feels like it is time to do it again. When I get to that point I usually start searching for triggers, setting myself up to get triggered, so I have an excuse.

I think everyone here knows that I like chocolate for those situations. Chocolate has a chemical in it that helps soothe the spots that are craving the opiate effects of SI. Besides it is just another good excuse for me to eat chocolate. Also if it is early in the craving I can take a soothing bath with lavender and chamomile, then get out and rub oil all over my body in a soothing and sensual way loving every part of it. Can't cut something you love right? (ok, that isn't always true but it is a good dream. sigh) It has to be early in the craving because the bath can be very dangerous for me it the craving has taken a deep hold. If it is a super strong craving I go for a run or work out hard in the garden or some other hard physical activity. Or I go kill things on Diablo II the video game. The repetitiveness of that game, as well as the screams and groans, and the satisfaction of killing all those demons soothes me. My daughter laughs because I will up and say "I am going to go kill things." She has made up a senerio where she is telling someone about her mother and how her mother "likes to kill things because she finds it soothing and relaxing." It is all rather funny.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

Marko,

How are you doing now? I feel rotten not being very available in chat, and having to run off on you so fast. I really would have liked to talk to you some more, and hope that you will give me another chance another day when my life is a little more under my control. Ok?

The others have given you some really good advice about the struggle not to hurt yourself. We need to take one of Carrie's posts about how to fight that urge and stick it permanently at the top of the board here, so we can all look back at it. If I had been able to take a little more time in chat, I would have suggested getting out of the situation you were in and doing something, particularly something active, and preferably out in the sunshine. That's probably what works best for me, besides chocolate. Getting around people who are safe and supportive helps too, and coming here is a way to do that if there isn't someone in 3-D who can be that for you. That is, if we don't get in a hurry and run out on you like I had to today. I am really sorry about that!

Wendy

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

((((((((((((((((((((Marko))))))))))))))))))))