i am really struggling tonight

((((((((bchlyn))))))))

((((((((((((((((((((((bchlyn))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am here. Take my hand.

BB

((((((((((((bchlyn)))))))))))))

i am trying

Keep going. We're here for you.

ty

little late tonight - but i'm right here.... what do you need? what can we do?

just listening is a big help thank you... i took a sleeping pill and still woke up in panic several times... i am headed to have my bloodwork then have my appointment with my t tonight... i am so sick of all this... sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just stopped fighting it all and stopped trying to get things under control... could it be any worse then it is?

HUUUUUUUUUGS to you.

Many of us have been where you are. Some of us recently. Try to do some breathing if you can. This will pass. Trust that you will make it.

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bchlyn said:
sometimes i wonder what would happen if i just stopped fighting it all and stopped trying to get things under control... could it be any worse then it is?

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=( Hon, i know... i wonder the same thing... but i think now we're in a process that can't be reversed. there's no going back to blissful ignorance.
Am glad you have t tonight!!! You made it through =)
Hugs to you!!!! lots!!!!!!!!

I had t last night - the aftermath is always the worst for me... always want to quit right after - cry and say i'm never going back. It's not that i don't like her or anything - she just upsets the whole system and i feel like i'm going to fall apart and there's no putting back the pieces. on the upside (if i can call it that), i'm too depressed to cut. I even picked up the box with the exacto and moved it like it was just a box - not something that often lures me to it... lures me into dnager just by catching my eye.

Lyn --- check in???

sorry he kept me after school tonight(so to speak)... he pushed me kind of hard... about the flashbacks... and wants me to journal them...he said that he wasn't going to make me talk about them next week if i didn't want too... he didn't say much about my cutting...but pushed the food issues... sooo all in all i am in a better place then last night.

i understand about not being able to go back to the way it was before... but the desire is still there... lyn

i'm glad your in a better place now

thank you

yep - the desire to go back to before i started all this is there still for me too.... *sigh*.
I'm glad you wrote -i was getting worried.
Sorry you're having sooo many flashbacks right now - do you have ways to bring yourself present? I used to use chocolate (heh, go figure) or lavender oil (Strong and sharp scent yet calming).... or a pressure point.
kiya

well i just took a hot shower... and i still am not doing to well ... i started loosing it again on the way home from work... not such a good thing when i am driving... maybe it's time to take the xanax... the problem is the present has it's own issues that trigger panic attacks so i feel like i am bouncing back and forth... not liking it too much... when i call and talk to my grandbabies it helps... nothing is better then to hear my oldest (24 months) say "nana i love you!" but the fear of hearing things aren't ok with my son and daughter in law... is holding me back...lyn

ok...made it through another night of false messages that i am replacing with the truth this morning...
lyn