The agitation and emotional pressure is too much. Intellectually I understand that what I am doing has gone too far and is out of control. My emotions can't catch up with that, and unfortunately, in the moment, intellect doesn't play a part. If it did my arms and legs wouldn't look like they do. Tonight I have tried things. I took my meds (they make me sleepy), I wrote, I talked to people, I even tried to use sex as a release (with my husband, don't worry). Now I'm sitting here with the huge pressure bubble and all I'm going to do is go upstairs, cut it out, and then go to bed. T said I can call tonight to leave a message, as always. He is not even sure what his role is in all of this anymore. I think we are both at somewhat of a loss. I feel like running until I collapse, crawling up the walls, jumping out of my skin...

[Rapunzel]

I don't know what to tell you, but wish I had something useful to say. I know it gets hard sometimes. Feelings are intense, and it seems like you can't stand it, and have to escape. But we have to help our clients to learn to tolerate their feelings so they can heal. We can't ask them to do something that we aren't willing to do. And if you don't sit with your feelings and get through them, you won't really heal. Escaping from feelings keeps us the way we are.

[Abby]

I don't know what to say either, you seem to be trying really hard. Sending you hugs and prayers....i wish they were enough to release the tension.

[splitimage]

I'm really sorry that you're in such a bad place right now. It's hard when distraction doesn't work. Can you think about what is causing the intense emotions behind wanting to cut. Sometimes when I can clearly name the emotion that's making me want to cut, I find it easier to find alternatives.

But rapunzel's right - ultimately we have to learn to tolerate our feelings if we're ever going to learn healthier ways of dealing with them. it's not easy by any stretch of the immagination, but it's an important step on the road to recovery.

Hang in there.

-splitimage

[Kiya]

Pink - I get that - the "jumping out of my skin" thing and feeling like I *need* to cut to get it to stop. I wish I knew why that happens. I'm not usually aware if there's an emotion behind it. THough, I do often get out the crayons, charcoal and paint during those times and see what my body can tell me (using non-dominant hand techniques) about the situation.

Call t ... see if you can get through this night.

(((((( pink )))))))
Kiya

[Christina86]

((((((((((pinksoil))))))))))))))

[BalishBun]

((((((((((((pinksoil)))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( pink ))))))))))))))