Help me!

This is gonna seem so off the wall. I'm 26 and struggle with being in the company of men, except for my father. Last night me and my dad were wrestling and he was pinning me down and all of a sudden I got really scared. It didn't feel right at all. I felt like he was gonna try something on me that was sexual. I know in my heart that my dad would never do that but something inside of me felt almost victimized. I'm scared to say anything about this to anyone.

I want to cut so badly over this, even if my dad wasn't trying anything on me. I can't tell anyone about this. Please help me.

Hi Lexi,

I don't envy you that experience at all. Sometimes being in some situation, although it is not with the same person, can remind your mind and/or body of being in a situation in the past that had some similar features and was traumatic for you. You are not the only one that this has happened to. Whether or not you can even remember what it is reminding you of, the feelings can be overpowering.

I don't know if discussing what you felt with your dad would be a possibility for you or not. If you could, then he could reassure you that it was part of playing and he would never attack you, would know to avoid getting you into another situation like that again, and talking about it might help you to feel better. But I understand if that is too hard.

If you are still in therapy, this is an important thing to bring up, as there are powerful feelings that have been stirred up, and working through those feelings and resolving them would be beneficial to you. Even if you aren't in therapy currently, it might be worth it to make an appointment so that you can get some help with this.

There is an explanation for those feelings that is perfectly understandable. You didn't do anything wrong. We just feel - there isn't any way to change that - but you can work on understanding where that feeling is coming from and recognizing that you are not in danger now, and even though you couldn't control what may have happened to you in the past, you can control the future, and you can be safe.

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}} if you want them,
Rapunzel

<font color=orange>"If a light beckons to you, follow it. If it leads you into the quagmire, you'll probably find your way out of it again; but if you don't follow it, you'll be plagued for the rest of your life by the thought that perhaps it was your star." Friedrich Hebbet</font color=orange>

I'm freaking. I don't know what is real anymore. Was this experience really what it felt like or am I going crazy?

Most likely, just something about it triggered you, or felt similar enough to something in your past experience that it brought up some of those same feelings. I would imagine that this would cause you a lot of distress, and I wish that I could make it better, but I don't think that anything I say will be enough. It sounds like this is bothering you enough that I think it warrants a call to your T to say that you are in a crisis and need to talk about it as soon as possible. If there isn't a T you can call, maybe you need to find someone you can trust and talk it out with them. You are welcome to PM me, or you can keep posting here.

Love and Support for You,
Rapunzel

Rapunzel gave wonderful advice so all I am going to do is give you a hug. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lexi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Take care dear one and stay safe.
Carrie

i'm realizing that my reaction to my dad wrestling with me was a flashback to a time when I was being held down before. It was very scary and I hated it. The guy held me down, threatened me, choked me, and I couldn't handle it. He terrorized me and lied to me. I don't deal well with that kind of thing. I'm glad I'm figuring these things out now.

(((hugs))) <-- only if you want them

I'm so glad you're making that connection, and understanding things better. I know that will help you deal with this. I'm sorry you went through that, and I'm sorry you got triggered. I really hope things work out ok for you

Angela

I'm so sorry you had to relive all those feelings from the past. It must've been very scary for you. It seems like you are feeling a little better about the situation with your dad and understanding things a little more.

Take Care.