[sujunew]

Why is it that when I have major, recurrent thoughts about hurting myself I feel LET DOWN by myself if I don't follow thru with it??? Shouldn't I be feeling ecstatic knowing that I have fought off the urges for yet another day...Instead I feel so let down by myself I even consider doing it just so I feel better...

[moonfruit]

I have no idea why that is.I just know i feel the same.I often think,hey,why dont i feel so great! I think,for me,its kinda like a cycle,that has to go full circle for me to feel better.If i dont complete the cycle,ie not cut,then i guess i have to relearn other ways to feel good.Sigh

[Cthomas]

Ditto...me too.....nuff said

Keep on keepin on....Hope you feel better.

I do the SAME thing.........i think its common among us.

Hoping you feel better soon

colleen

[jacq10]

(((((((((sujuwnew))))))))

I really don't think its uncommon to feel that way. I know that I often times felt like that... almost like I failed at failing to have a bad coping mechanism if that makes sense? Like you can't even properly punish yourself... or something to that degree.

But you know what? The more I started to do that... the less I actually did SI, and over time, I stopped feeling bad for it. I think its just that initial "shock" value of not being able to follow through with something you want to do.

Hang in there,
Jacq

[bchlyn]

me too... guess it's all part of the cycle...lyn

[Kiya]

sujunew - interesting... i never even thought about it, but yeah, i do that sometimes. and sometimes i make myself cut - and then it hurts! and i can't really do it... and then i feel really stupid. or give up on that, and binge.

But now that we all know we do that - lets see if we can get ourselves to start thinking "hey! I got through! The peeps in SI are gonna think that's great!"

(if we can't be happy for ourselves, then lets be happy someone else is happy for us -maybe it will rub off!!!)

[sujunew]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kiya said:
sometimes i make myself cut - and then it hurts! and i can't really do it... and then i feel really stupid. or give up on that, and binge.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

EXACTLY!!!!! It never hurts when I dissociate but those times when I 'just feel like I have to'...and of course the binging. ummm, yeah...

thanks for the replies etc. Although it isn't nice to know that there are so many others that feel like this, on the other hand it is really nice to learn that there are others who feel just the same way. It is a very lonely place,being someone who SIs, as it is not something we open up about...so thanks again everyone, and yes, lets encourage each other to get through these tough times...It's working for colleen, right?!?!

[Rapunzel]

Yeah, that makes sense to me too. I used to feel like I could cut out of the blue just because, and it would be no problem. I guess I was always emotionally wound up. Now I wouldn't do that, and it would hurt if I tried to. I've made myself try at least once too. And when I do get worked up enough that I really feel like cutting, and then I don't do it, I feel like I've missed an opportunity. Maybe it's a sign of progress.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( sujunew )))))))))))))

[Kiya]

((((((((Sujunew)))))))))))
keep talking!! and breathing!

[sujunew]

Thanks rap. I did the same too a long time ago- I tried to burn myself without dissociating first. There was NO was I could ever have done it.
And thanks fuzzy and kiya.