oooops

you know kiya i didn't want to go back on meds... but i have to say... they are helping me with the panic... and i guess i needed to get to that place... i am glad your med doc is back and supporting you... lyn

What a great doc to adapt to the situation and supporting you the best she can. I am glad she is so open minded. I hope they work great for you.

BB

(((((lyn - you've been so quiet!)))))))))

(((((bbear))))))) yeah - MD told me, when i kept looking at her funny, "Open your heart to this"

kiya... i am sorry ... i have been trying to stay present... but i haven't been doing too good of a job with it... i am in a pretty dark place right now...lyn

=( (((((((((((((Lyn)))))))))))
anything i can do to help?

(((((((((((((((((((((lyn)))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am here if you need someone to talk to.

BB

you already have... ty... just knowing i can come here when it gets too dark helps me stay safe...lyn

(((((((((hugs to you)))))))))))

Hmmmmmmmm.... well i have managed to bite a fairly good hole in the inside of my lip.... =( worse than my usual cheek chewing. this actually was more like a puncture wound. I've been working up to this all week... and wearing down the sides of my cheecks systematically. but tonight's was a deliberate biting of an area that isn't often under attack.

((((((((((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry that things just got too hard for you. Could it be harder for you right now because your t is away?

BB

((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))

thinking about you kiya... stay safe...lyn

oh i am.... i haven't done any cutting. I don't know why the cheeck chewing has increased so much. kind of odd.

(((((((((((BBear, Christina, Lyn))))))))))))))))))))

(((((Kiya)))))))) another way to cope maybe.. I find I grind my teeth when I'm stressed.

aye - everything feels too much right now - and yet in my mind and feelings i am numbed out to it due to the meds i guess. normally i would be a basket case right now and probably really injure. but i can't feel anything. i know i should be panicked.... i don't know how i'm gonna make my car payment on the first with no work. ... or if they can waive it for me for a month. but instead of calling and finding out... i'd rather just sleep. I'm not even doing that. i'm sitting here on the net, freezing cuz we're not allowed to turn the heat on, and watching it "snow" ice out side. not hail... but little ice bits. hmmmm now it turned to snow.

kiya i slept a lot when i started lexapro... it was over christmas break... but by the time i went back the only issue i had was the stomach... and it got better soon after...lyn

oh i do hope so! I'm growing quite tired of constant queasiness, stomachaches, and so forth. I did finally take a nap today - was so cold i couldn't get warm - well not even in bed with the heating pad on, so i guess "nap" isn't quite the right word lol, but rested at any rate
I am starting to feel better about it - especially now that my md's been in touch... that always helps. lol kind of like kid not going to the swingset until sure that mummie's right there in eyesight. if i lose her, i panic... but if i know she's in my corner, i'm ready to trust myself. funny - i never did this with my own mom.

i am glad she is there for you kiya... i understand how scary it is for you... was for me too... i had a friend online that was there for me when i started lexapro... was the first time i had used an ad... i hate taking meds... and it was really hard to start them... that is part of why my having to go back on them now was so hard... and i don't want to call my med doc cuz i know he will want to up the dose...lyn

You shared a lot of the same sentiments I do. exactly.

Alas - my bad check chewing - the one where i really bit like a puncture wound into my lip - it is all infected; all whitish/yellow and filled with puss =( i am having to rinse with anti-bacterial stuff - grrrrrrrrrrrr.

well, I woked today - I got a job as a substitute teacher's instructual aid so i spent the day in one on one, and small group study with kids who are having hard times learning. i enjoyed it =) I won't get paid for a month, tho. =( i need to figure out how to pay my bills on the first. but i am thankful to be in a job i like. FINALLY. I did have a few moments today where i sort of panicked, but the meds have got me covered.

actually i think i took one too many 5HTP which increases the lexapro...yiipes! i can't even remember if i took it. but I think so - and i think it effected my concentration in choir tonight... tomorrow i may be stubling quite a bit.... we'll see.

((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))

yeah i get paid once a month too... what are the chances that they will hire you permanently so you get benefits.... they are really make the job worth while... my instructional assistant probably makes more money then i do... by the time you add in her paid vacation and holidays...lyn

Lyn, heh - i'm just a sub for the district - like temping... there's no benies. =(

(((((((((((ty fuzzy)))))))))

i know but that's how i got several of my teachers...started as a sub then hired perm

huh! well, i will have to keep an eye out for that! one lovely teacher took me under her wing and told me everything i needed to know - which was really super helpful, since no one had told me *anything* .

today i got my fingerprints done - glad they don't use ink any more! much nicer.

my lip is slowly healing - no longer looking like it belongs to some other galatical creature. good new for the home team.

yeah the life scans are much easier... unless your like me and have several sets in the old system...lol been in the field too long... usually you get the results back in a couple days... my last ones took a week... it was a holiday weekend so that didn't help... lyn