oooops

at least they're letting me work in the meantime - really quite nice of them... mind, they need ppl desperately.

Yeah - that part about my lip healing.... disregard that. it's back to where it was

but things are improving with my financial status!!! Praise all things holy. My food stamps have been increased since I'm not working neary as much, my car payment has been put on "skip payment for one month" and of course now i have work...yay! that has been sch a huge stressor for me.
I still have other bills i'm gonna have to figure out.... i wonder if my credit card will flip if i send them $5?

yeah... i can't let anyone be alone with children until fingerprints clear... i am not sure what the laws are for school aged children.

I agree - i was surprised, too but maybe it is because i was fingerprinted for the last 2 years to work in schools occasionally...

my guess is they will clear this week...or early next week... it's usually really quick... other then that how are you doing?...lyn

i'm good - oddly blank. most of what concerns me these days are the side effects and when they'll go away. -also keeping mom from noticing since i don't want her knowing i'm on meds - i'd never have a moment's peace. Not that it's any of her business, since I'm an adult, but she'd quickly make it her business.
I didn't get called to work today, so i'm going to yoga in a bit as t asked me to. She still has not emailed or called. Last night would have been our appnt... and I thought she was gonna call... but she didn't =( course, nothing's really wrong... i just want to hear from her - know she's still real.

How are you doing?

i understand needing to stay connected when t isn't around... i am really trying to keep my head above water... there is too much hitting me right now... stay safe kiya...lyn

oy - trying. had a real manic night. not common for me. finally got in the chat rooms, drank chamomile tea, and made cookies.... and binged on cookies *ralph!!* Oy was feeling really unsafe for a while.... doing a little better at the moment.
pm or email if you need...

how are you this morning? i have been waking up at 2 am everyday and falling asleep early... i am sorry i missed you last night... stay safe...lyn

gosh - i couldn't sleep at all last night - tossed and turned all night. I finally got to sleep this morning - only to have my 20 lb cat WALK on me to tell me he's hungry. This is new. Usually he's just annoying, in my face, jumping on and off the bed... but walking on my legs - repeatedly! Grrrrrrrrrrr. so mad at him. he kept if up for over 40 minutes until i finally got up and fed him. he's getting mighty pushy in his old age.
now i can't go back to sleep!!!!! And i didn't get called to work today =( - which may be a blessing in disguise since i look like i've been run over and am as grumpy as all get out. just had some food and some advil (in a LOT of pain from "restorative yoga - restful poses" yesterday) and may try again to get some sleep/ Course the sun is beautiful out there (a rare thing in oregon).
I did wake up this morning with som bad urges to cut (odd first thing in the morming for me) but i think it is the lack of sleep.... working on staying safe....
you too, ok?

sorry i didn't get on the computer yesterday... i had a really busy day and hadn't slept the night before... fell asleep really early for me but the good news is i slept pretty well.

i am really sorry to hear that you woke up with the urges... i hate that...but it happens to me a lot ... they follow my panic attacks and flashbacks... and it seems like lately they are connected with sleep for some reason... what are you doing to stay safe?... do you have a plan? lyn

my plan right now is avoidance.... and homework.
i can tell there is a trigger at the back of my mind (my breakfast - yuck!!) and not sure if it is going to develop or if i can get out of this one. mind - the thought is in there of covering it with chocolate

also - this is weird, but there is a mug in our cupboard that i really REALLY want to smash to bits. I hate it. Mom says it is her's but I know it was his. It has ducks on it - everything he owned had ducks on it. I refuse to use it, even if it is the only mug in there. I had such an urge to grab it and throw it into the sink while mom was away. Maybe the next time she's gone, i can put it in a thick bag and drop it off the balcony. Everytime i see it, the destructives want to do damage.

get rid of it then kiya... if your mom doesn't like it ...oh well! ... have you told her how you feel when you see it?... maybe she can just put it in her room or something... but get rid of it... lyn

i finally did that with the little kid guitar i got when i was 2. he played guitar. i've been wanting to smash it. mom wouldn't let me get rid of it. i kept giving it to her and it kept ending up back in my presence. i finally took it to the music store for them to sell - but they didn't want it... told me to sell it on ebay. I nearly had a panic attack right then in the store. told them to keep it and do what they want... i knew if i took it back i would really smash it to bits.
mom never figured out it was missing - that was a year ago.

i am glad you took care of you... your worth it...lyn

lyn :hugs