Just needed to vent

Well, I havent been on in a while. Probably a month or so. It seems like I know so few people on here now, when I used to know everyone. I guess i just needed to visit. Read from people who understand me. Who know what I'm going through. I feel so lost and hopeless and alone right now. I haven't cut for 2 and a half years. It seems like a lot but so little at the same time. I don't want to discourage anyone. It is a good thing to quit. I hurt a lot less people this way. Commitment is easier. I'm even getting married in May. (He knew and loved me even when I was cutting). That doesn't mean he understands though. What it's like to want it night after night. To dream of it. To feel it. To be reminded of it constantly. To go through periods of shame because you don't want others to know how badly you miss and want it. To think day and night of where you could possibly do it and what with. To then realize that there is no where you can hide it forever , especially from a spouse, and how fast you run out of skin. To know that if you start again you may never stop. To know if you relapse that you may die from it someday. To think of every way you could hurt yourself and still keep your "clean streak".

I just miss it so badly right now.

*goes off to sob in bed* have to be ready to put on that smile in church tomorrow

Glad to see you back

((((((((((((((ickydog)))))))))))))))

2.5 years?? Wow... I do understand how it can be easier some days and not so easy some other days...

What's wrong? Anything causing the urges and thoughts to be more present than usual? If you want to talk, please PM me okay?

*huge hug* Be safe. Breathe. You can do this. You're worth it.

((((((((((((((((((((ickydog)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you are struggling so hard right now. I understand where you are coming from as at times I still feel the cravings. I am happy you see the positives from not cutting as they really do outwiegh the alternatives. Know I am here if I can help.

Congratulations on getting married.

BB

(((((((((((hugs!!!)))))))))))))

(((ickydog2006)))

I'm sorry your having such a rough time with the cravings. I know how you feel I'm only on day 13 but it seems like forever and it is always on my mind floating somewhere. If you ever need to talk you can pm me and rember we are all here for you!!

Lots of hugs!!

(((((((((((( ickydog ))))))))))))

I know exactly how you feel. I've been struggling for self injury for a year. It started with pinching, scratching, etc. and escalated to cutting and burning. I cut for about two months before my best friend saw and made me promise him I'd stop; he understood that it would be hard and why I did it because he used to cut. Usually it's only people who have cut that understand others who cut. It seems like I didn't self-harm for very long, but to me it seems like forever. I've been able to stay away from SI for only two weeks, and sometimes it seems like it's only been a minute and sometimes it's more like two years. When the hard times hit, I sometimes resort to burying myself under my covers or something to keep from hurting myself. I have to call him often so he can talk me through my urges and I do the same for him.
I'm keeping my promise no matter what.
Even if your husband doesn't know what it's like to have quit cutting, he can still help you by being there to vent to whenever you feel the urge. If you two are getting married, he must love you. Unconditionally! xD It's nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. The scars never completely fade, but you can keep from making new ones. I wish you the best of luck!

(((ickydog2006)))

wow 2 n half years is a long time... I hope you learn how to banish these feelings of relapsing again.. just to help you here - it looks horrible, it feels horrible, and there are so many people who would want to be in your position of lasting that long and being so strong! So dont do it!!

Oh, and congratulations!

take care, babyg xxx

Thanks for the encouragement guys. I don't know what caused the cravings to hit so hard all of a sudden. I think it's just all the stress right now. They've eased up a little since my post, but it's still always in the back of my mind it seems. Oh well, back to one minute at a time. It's nice when you can go days at a time between cravings but at least one minute at a time is better than no minutes.