I quit!!

I quit!! I honestly can't hold out any longer..I have to...I just have to.
I've been gone for two days and of course just like every other overnight school trip I go on I'm welcomed home by a screaming match and my grouchy parents. I hate this town..I hate my house..I would leave but I don't have a car (mine died). I'm tired, I'm upset, and frustrated. I wish I had somewhere to go..I'm sorry, I'll try again I will I just can't hold out right now..I Hate This all so much..They made me do it..and they don't even realize it. They cause so many problems for me. Now I get to play the backstabber game as I call it. It's where my dad bad mouths my mom to me and then my mom badmouths my dad to me. Then by the end of it I'm drug into the middle of a screaming match..trying to avoid the flying objects and trying to keep my little sister calm as my mom goes into a rampage and starts hitting my dad. I'm really dizzy I think it's all the rollercoasters I rode today..or I'm having some kind of spell because I'm getting stressed..I don't know..I just don't know.

Honey, why don't you just march in there to them and yell "I"M DONE! ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELVES AND CAN"T SEE WHAT PAIN YOU"RE CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE!"
and then calmly go back in your room and listen to headphones - lock your door, ignore them the rest of the night.

I don't know why..I just can't. I don't think I'm strong enough. But I like your idea!! It hasn't gotten bad yet but I know it is the calm before the storm. I haven't self injured yet..but I don't know if I'm going to make it through the night or not. It probaly doesn't help I've had little sleep (senior trip doesn't allow for a large amount of sleep), I've had the worst urges all week..I dreamt about it the past few days, And me and my best friend aren't getting along right now. When it rains it pours.

Maybe I'll get lucky and they'll just stay quiet like this all night..silence is golden. I will go put on my headphones and crash if they do start.

I feel guilty when I talk about my parents in a negative matter..is that normal?

((((((((((((( Silversparrow )))))))))))))

(((((((SilverSparrow)))))))

Hang in there, Sweetie ... you ARE stronger than you think! You have to write that down someplace and read it every day. Eventually it will sink in ... and you'll realize you DESERVE to be happy, you DESERVE to ignore the bad things around you without feeling guilty, you DESERVE ... lots and lots of gentle hugs!

Have you read the ideas other people have posted about WHY you shouldn't cut? And what you can DO when the urges get overwhelming? There are some great tips there! I know, because when I first came here to help my "adopted" daughter, I printed out pages and pages of things I thought would help her.

One that helped Colleen the most? "When she hurt herself, she was letting that bastard win!" No, we're not "out of the woods" yet (though it's been 143 days today!) ... and yes, there will always be urges. Time helps, and love does, too.

I hope you feel the love from everyone here, SilverSparrow? We'll help you carry you burden ... you're strong, but let us help anyway. Coming here was a great idea!

Take care and God bless you, Little One.

GoodMama

Silversparrow...you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! According to my time it's almost midnight and your counter still is ticking...saying you haven't cut!

Just hang in there a little longer!

lol - of course it's normal to talk about your parents in a negative way. You're a teen! Man i fought my dad from 16 on, and fought my mom from 17-22. Most teens talk about their parents negatively at least some time. And you have several more reasons to do so.

Don't beat yourself up for it... if you can try to let some of it go so it doesn' keep eating at you.

Nooooooooooooo!!! Dont give in please...

xxx

I'm trying..I thought I was in the clear when I woke up this morning. But they started again and perseisted to start yelling at anyone. My mom decided to give me a lecture on how me and my sister are ridiculos for getting upset at them because they fight. That we are overlysensitive and they are people too and they deal with an enourmous amount of stress and that I'm a hypocrite because I fight with my sister all the time. I then responded but your the parent. She then blew her top and said she was a person too and she was allowed to get mad and yell and have a fit if she wanted to.

Then she yells at me because I'm trying to separte myself from my family and how I hate all of them and starts attacking me because of my religous beliefs and that I don't really believe in Judaism I just want to hurt her by distancing my self from my family.

Then my dad is a jerk and makes me feel like an idiot nothing I do is ever right to either one of them.

They just don't get it..they don't understand the effects it has on me and my sister. I'm shaking I'm so upset, angry, and I'm about to start crying. I'm trying to hold out..I'm not doing a great job though I'm eating emotionaly and I'm starting to use alchol as a replacement..I only drink it when I'm upset.

They left to go grocery shopping so I have about three hours of peace..I have to get out of here tonight..I can't handle it anymore..maybe I can go stay at friends house.

I feel so ridden with guilt..I'm a horrible person..I truly am.

You are not a horrible person. (((((((((((Silversparrow)))))))))) Sounds like it isn't a good environment to be in... families fight sometimes, but if it becomes too much then it ceases to be useful (because venting is helpful) and becomes toxic.

If you plan on spending time at a friends house, how would your family react? Have you done it before? If you're serious about going - please leave them a note telling them where you went and how to reach you because they will worry.

I'm a bit calmer now..I didn't self injure (yippee). As for me leaving I decided against it..it would just add fuel to the fire. I am going to go grocery shopping with a friend of mine tonight so that will be a few hours out of the house. It just seems like they fight all the time..like they are never happy and that makes me sad..they have so much to be thankful for but they can't see it..or how much they fight and how much it hurts me and my sister.

Thank you everyone. I honestly thought I was going to break my clean streak last night and if it wasn't for all of you I would have!!

(((Kiya))
((FuzzyBear))
((GoodMama))
((TaintedGoth1))
((x_BabyG_x))
((Christina86))

((((((((((((Silversparrow)))))))))))))))

yipee!

Glad you're getting out of the house for a bit... sometimes families (esp. parents) can be so annoying in that they dont realize what they do to us.

Silver Sparrow,

I grew up in a household, in which my parents fought. It was painful and awful.

Now I'm married to man, who has temper tantrums, and gets angry at the drop of a hat, over nothing. I'm working at home at this point in my career, and it sure makes getting my work done difficult.

All this to say I feel for you!!!

(((((((Silver Sparrow)))))))

EJ

((EJ711))

(((hugs to all))) think about everyone ... stay safe... silver you are so much stronger then you know... keep standing strong...lyn

Well done for not giving in silversparrow... you can keep this up!

Good luck xxx