[RomeoNBambie]

I do not self harm so i feel like i dont really belong in this chat room, but my partner does, i just need someone to talk to about it because i am struggling with it all on my own, i feel like im walking on egg shells around him, i'm scared i mite say something or do something, or i mite not say the right thing or do the wrong thing and it will trigger him 2 cut, he has scars all over his arm's, he goes into the bathroom and locks the door, when he comes out he tries to hide what he has done but i know, im just scared incase i do something an he cuts to deep, is it me that is causing this, i dont know anymore, please help

[x_BabyG_x]

The only thing you can do is to be there for him and try to understand what he is going through.

My boyfriend has said the same thing about me - he's scared of saying anything that might trigger me off and when I do end up doing it, he thinks that its all his fault... So I understand why you think that you may be causing all this, but if he's been doing it for a while then his reasons will be deeper than that, so don't be so hard on yourself! Do you know what started it in the first place? Does he know how you feel?

If you want to help him, you need to make sure that he knows that your there for him, maybe get him to open up a bit more about it. He needs to know that your always there for him to talk to, and that you will listen in return.

Don't feel like you don't belong in this chatroom - SI affects the people who do it aswell as everyone around them. So if you ever have any problems or questions about it, just give us a post and we will do the best we can to give you answers and support you - its what were here for

There are also some good self injury websites that have help pages for friends and family

much love, babyg xxx

[RomeoNBambie]

Thank you babyg, i tell him all the time that i am here for him because he always bottle's things up which when it gets to a certain point he cuts to release it all, but i have begged him to turn to me, he can tell me anything, but when he talks about his problems he sometimes has the urge to cut again, he has been cutting for years since he was young, i love him with all my heart and im scared of doing something that will make him cut to deep, he has told me a few times that it is stuff that i have done that has caused him to do it and it rips me apart, i have even thought to myself maybe it would be better if i was not here, then i would not cause him to cut, but then i think if i do leave he will cut even more, and he has already told me if i leave him he will kill himself

[Christina86]

(((((((RomeoNBarbie))))))))))))

What he does if you leave him because you're taking care of yourself is NOT your fault. What it sounds like is emotional manipulation on his part... which is very sad and hard to deal with.

Best advice is... does he have a counsellor/therapist to talk to? Someone with professional training to help? You cant do this all yourself, and it isnt fair to you either...

If you want to help, there are a few books (under Ratings above ^) that might help you better understand this addiction. Otherwise, try to listen if he wants to talk, but don't try to stop him from hurting himself (even if that bothers you) ... SIng is a form of control, and if you try to stop it instead of him choosing to stop it... it could potentially make things worse.

My opinion anyways.

[TaintedGoth1]

Yes, he's definitely pulled the manipulation card on you.

Was he abused as a child or witness to some sort of damaging event? In a lot of cases this is the case, but not in every case. Is he in treatment? He really should be. Basically he's having trouble coping with his own issues, most likely issues of his past.

Like with me, all my triggers are regarding some sort of relationship or people in general. I rarely cut otherwise. this means I have poor coping skills with people and I need to learn how to cope with others. I'm also a survivor of sexual abuse and other types of abuse that started in early childhood. To cope with any kind of conflict I often want to cut...but I do resist it.

You can't make him stop, but you can be there to support him whenever you need. It may not always prevent him from hurting himself, but at least it's letting him know that he has you to lean on. That's the best thing you can do for him. It's up to him to do the rest.

[RomeoNBambie]

Thank you people for replying to my message, yes, he did at one point have a counsillor but he has moved from that area recently and has been to his G.P to organise another one locally, recently since my fist post all we have done is argue because the slightest thing i do or say makes him angry, one night we had an arguement and i got a friend of mine to call me because i didn't know what to do, he walked out of the hosue slamming the door behind him, when he came back i asked him where he had bveen , he said OUT, then he locked himself in the bathroom, i was telling my friend on the phone that i knew he was in the bathroom and he was going to cut, i went to the bathroom door and was begging him to open it but he told me to go away and speak to my "new boyfriend", i went back in and told my friend on the phone what he had said and i heard him come out of the bathroom, he ran in and i thought he was going to punch me in the face put he wiped his arm all over me and started screaming "have you seen what you've made me do", i looked down and i was covred in blood, i looked at his arm and he had loads of slashes on his fore arm, i have counted since an there was 83 of them, and there was blood all over the floor, the person on the phone was a neuteral friend so he spoke to him, at this time i was having a panic attack on the couch crying my eyes out thinking that he was going to die and did not know what to do and that it was all my fault, and he said the only reason i was crying is not because i care about him but because i knew he had done it because of me and that i was feeling guilty, we have argued since and he has started saying that it is me that has the temper and causes all the arguements, and today he told me pack all my stuff because he was kicking me out and it was over, then said he was going to kill himself, i started crying my eyes out and packed, he then told me i didnt care because i was doing what he told me to, this morning we were laying in bed and i said to him, u can smile babe, he said what is there to smile about, so i said ok, then he said to me that he didnt want anyone or anything near him so i took me and the dog into the living room, he then started saying i didnt say u have to leave the room, just lay next to me and not touch me, what is going on>?????