Impulsiveness

***TRIGGERING***
Thanks to you, You have helped me just by reading,your questions, advice, ideas, opinions in your posts. So much I have been SI free for ~ 5 months! Well, Wed. night came, & I received sister's attitude, maybe ingested is a better word she can be & was arrogrant & I got caught up in the Drama- Big Mistake!I was cursed out, made fun of, it was rotten. What happened to all those DBT Skills I've been studying for 2 1/2 yrs. now? The ones "no judgment, show no reaction, detach?? IDK. I was blinded I was so angry. I don't treat ppl. poorly, my neighbor - I cleaned out her gutters (I'm a female - so I'm not used to this kind of job) I asked her "What do you want me to do with all the dirt & leaves?" Yep you can guess her response. And it wasn't "Hey Thanks!" After 3 hrs.on a roof! What is the proper response to these people???? Please tell me??? IDK. I don't have a problem with the content, but the WAY they talk to me,I feel worthless. Soooo I came in and let's just say I ended my 5 month record, & won't be wearing this year's in style crop pants & definitely no shorts this summmer, lol. Last night I thought I'm supposed to show No emotions, no feelings, ahh I get it. Something funny my Mom started me in Therapy bc I never cried (when my father beat the H*ll out of me)so he would beat me harder & longer)but nothing, still no crying, no emotion - nothing. T called (1 hr ago) I acted with detachment, no feelings, he was happy - so I think I get it.Maybe I'll start signing off as Spock, lol. Sure would appreciate your advice,opinions & any ideas you may have. Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry to hear your sister was able to find you with your defenses down. I doubt she planned it, sounds like that is the way she is, perhaps also from the family dynamics?

Ok, so you pick yourself up and move along.

Recently someone caught me with my shield down also, and though I mildly enjoyed the tit for tat exchange, it was beneath me. This person, well, it's normal for the person who instigated it and because of that I guess they are good at it? Much better than I since I don't engage in that behavior generally. Anyway, it wasn't a good thing for me, and tends to have a domino effect for me. I had to be conscious of it and stop.

Think through this now, if you can. Or, when you are fully able. Think through it, start to finish. Try to find a better way to handle such a situation. Over the course of many such "failures" you will find that you are doing better, and that eventually you won't have hardly any trouble at all with family guilt and behavior.

I think, while you're thinking... decide the reason WHY you cleaned out her gutters. That might lead to an AH HA moment that you can learn to prevent in the future.