i just want to "go away"

pretty much the same... i am really tired most of the time... i don't know if it's the increase in meds or my blood sugar.

how are you doing?

lyn

still same. holding. .... will be 2 months on june 9th. starting to see the pictures again tho - the things the destructives show us when the system is weak. am starting to panic -my MD is moving to my T's clinic and the wee ones are PANICKED about any new medical staff they may have to interact with. I just sent off a letter to t requestng info around this. The wee ones are ready to flee from the office next week on our appnt.

i am glad that you took care of yourself and sent the email... has she responded?... change is hard even if the results are positive... 2 months is great kiya... every time you see the pictures... remind yourself of the truth... and refocus... take gentle care...lyn

yes - t responded and put my mind at ease. =)

how are things for you this day??

kiya,... i am so glad she called you back... i know how hard it is to trust change... i was pretty good yesterday... but today is kind of a struggle... i am trying to replace the false messages that seem to be so powerful sometimes....

it's my fault~ the truth is i have made mistakes... but not everything is my fault
just cut you have a good excuse right now~ the truth is i want to cut, but if i do it will send me backwards and will only give more power to the things i want to take my power back from
you heal well ~ the weather is cool~ this might be your last chance... the truth is i do heal well, but i know the scars are there, i can see them and feel the regret when i look at them
you are a failure~ i have failed at times, but i am not a failure.
healing happens for others, but you are to "stupid" to figure it out ~ the truth is i am not stupid... healing is different for everyone.
life is never going to get better... your in constant pain... no one has the right to force you to live like this~ the truth is life is hard... but if i give in to these thoughts i would shut the door to any chance of things improving...lyn

Wow - that's a lot of work right there. good work. I'm thinking those things (the new thinking) for you too!!
((((((((((((lyn)))))))))))))

how are you tonight?

dunno....anxious....figity....

sorry... i was off line for a couple days... are you feeling any better now?...lyn

Yeah i was concerned about you! I'm doing well.
What about you? How are things??

you know si
is very life changing and ego altering truth is the answer to the problem is right there in front of us really we just have to look close enough

sometimes looking close is really hard... and sometimes it just kind of pops out at you... you know an epiphany of sorts.

last week i was in a peruvian store and they had arrowheads in a little basket for sale... when i was a kid... the first time i cut... i used one my brother found ... i don't know why i had it in my hand ... i just remember being in his closet and my mom's boyfriend was hurting me... i squeezed it into my hand... i was able to go away and not feel what he was doing to me... when he saw the blood he told me i was crazy... and was angry that i got blood on him... it must have been a deep cut...because when i cut on my hand now... i don't bleed very much... i bought 2 arrowheads... i dont know why... that's not true ... i do know why... and i guess anyone reading this knows what my intentions were... i haven't followed through... Lyn

likewise, i am glad you haven't followed through.
(((((((((lyn))))))))) the first time it was an automatic reaction of being abused. You probably didn't have the intention then to cut - it just happened and the result was that you didn't have to "stay" there.

Hon, would it really do you good to remind yourself of that by using those again? It seems like that would somehow be more abusive than usual cutting because of the association =(

please stay safe. tc kiya