[SylverFlames]

I've been so good. So good, hadn't cut in two weeks, had one set back, and then another two weeks. And what happens today? My friend saw the cuts on my leg and freaked out about them. He was yelling at me and all I could think was "thank god you can't see the rest of my body." And he knew that I was cutting. I've told him and we've talked about it multiple times, and he was always cool and supportive about it. So I don't know why he got all angry. But him getting angry just got me pissed, and I totally went and sliced myself just to get back at him. So now I'm feeling awful because I broke the good behavior and for a really stupid reason. And guilty, because I totally can't tell him about this, because I did it just to make him feel bad. But now that I've calmed down and thought about it it was really just stupid. So yeah, sorry for the rant, but I needed to get it off my chest. Gonna go try to distract myself now.

[SweetCrusader]

(((((((Sylver))))))))

I can understand why his reaction affected you the way it did. His reaction was totally inappropriate to the situation. Unfortunately most people just don't know how to respond to self-injury and it hurts feelings I think a lot of us know how that goes.

Well, my friend, slip-ups happen. For whatever reason, they just happen. It's a disappointment to you, I know, but it doesn't mean you can't do another two weeks now just fine!! You can!!

Maybe after things have cooled down a bit, you can sit your friend down and have a talk with him about how his responses- whether good or bad affect you, and help or hurt you. It's important for us to help our loved ones understand how to help us- because they are confused and scared, and don't know what to do. Sometimes we have to teach them how to understand before they will be able to help.

Good luck to you!!
Angela

[vulnerome]

Hey hey,

Your friend was totally out of order to get angry with you, but sometimes people panic when they see cuts, even when they already knew about it.
You were not being stupid reacting that way - I am sure most of us can relate to what happened.
Agree with Angela that it would be a good idea to talk to your friend.

And please please do not be hard on yourself for cutting after two weeks. Quitting is extraordinarily hard & you are doing great. Just think how much easier it will be next time. Try not to think of it in terms of "good behaviour" and "bad behaviour" - just as something you want to stop doing. Likewise "stupid" reasons (what after all, is a good reason?). You are not stupid, you were triggered by a very emotional and hurtful situation.

*massive hugs*

Sometimes when I'm analyzing my emotions or other people's emotions, I think in terms of primary emotions and secondary emotions. The secondary emotion is what you saw in your friend - his anger. But that was preceded by something else...his primary emotion. That may have been worry, fear for your safety or even fear for your life. He may think SI will lead to suicide. I'll bet if you sit him down and talk to him in these terms, he may be better able to express himself.

Emotions are SOOOOO complicated, and we sometimes don't have the vocabulary to even engage in conversations about it. That's why I like these terms - primary and secondary. I think everyone can related to them.

For instance, recently someone said something that really ticked me off! I replied in anger. Someone else pointed out how hurt I sounded in my reply. Huh...hurt? Oh yeah.....I WAS hurt! But I reacted in anger. Hurt was the first, and primary emotion. But the secondary emotion, the one I actively expressed, was anger! My bad!

I hope that all makes sense. emmy

[SweetCrusader]

Oh MAJOR good point, Emmy! Anger, IMHO, is a self-protective emotion that we develop in response to OTHER emotions, as a way of guarding ourselves from the first emotion.

I get scared, therefore I get mad to self-protect.
I feel helpless and I don't like that, I get mad.
I get worried, I get mad... etc.

At least that is true for me.

Angela

[SylverFlames]

So I talked to him about it, and yeah, he said it was anger out of concern. And he wasn't aware that what he said would have affect me that much. So it's a little better now. I mean, I'm still hurt beyond words, and feeling a little bit like a freak, but I guess these are emotions that will fade eventually. It just hurts a lot because now I feel like I can't trust him as much. He's got major potential to hurt me, which he proved tonight, and my reaction to his scrared me a lot. I hate feeling like someone's opinion of me can affect what I do that much. And I don't want to be in that position again, ever. So my initial reaction is complete withdrawal. I mean, I know I'll get over that in a day or two, but really, don't want to see him for a while.

Thanks for the support guys.
*hugs*
Sylver

[SweetCrusader]

(((((Sylver))))) It was really brave of you to talk to him.

I see no reason why you can't take a break for a bit while you deal with this! Do you think he might be able to handle it better in the future, though?

You are NOT a freak. But I know what you mean about feeling like one. I've been there, too.

Angela

[SylverFlames]

He might be able to handle it better. I think half of the pain from this episode was how surprised I was at his reaction, because he's always handled it better, and seen some of my more visible scars, so I just didn't get why he was so upset by these. He said it's cause he didn't think they were that bad. *shrugs* I think both of us having time will help. Or it will backfire and just escalate the problem. I guess I'll just have to find out.

And I wasn't that brave, it was more just me not thinking and being angry, and when he said he was pissy about something else I was like "You can't be pissy at me, I was pissy first!" lol, it was more a selfish spoiled reaction, and then once I told him I was pissy he wouldn't let me do anything else until I told him why. Cause he didn't get that his reaction hurt a lot. Which also scares me, cause yeah, he should have gotten the whole ouch factor. But he's kinda oblivious like that.

Ok done talking now... Think I've taken up enough space. *hugs* thanks for listening.

Sylver

[SweetCrusader]

Aw, Sylver! ((((hugs)))))

You can take up all the space and time you want to! That is NEVER a problem here.

Angela