[NicoleB]

I don't know what happened. The morning started out okay and know I can't seem to stop crying. I want to si, good thing I got rid of all the razor blades. I want to drink too, good thing I got rid of all my alcohol. I am supposted to be watching the kids, but right now I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know what happened. I am fighting right now, I want to slam my head into the wall. I also found myself biting my hand and didn't even realize it. I don't know what is going on. I feel like I am going crazy. All I want to do is cry. I am so sad and alone and frustrated. I am having a hard time right now. One of the kids keeps asking me when is going to be time to go and I just snap at her and basically tell her to shut up (only a little nicer, I think). I hate when I am like this. I don't like snap at the kids. Anyway I do have to take them to the dentists.
Nicole

[SweetCrusader]

Nicole,

Can you think of anything that might have happened to trigger you and bring these sort of feelings?

Angela

[Rapunzel]

Being frustrated with the kids is one of the worst things for me too. The worst thing about it is being afraid that I won't control myself enough - then I bang my head or something, maybe without even knowing that I'm doing it, in order to keep myself in control. I have to try to keep myself out of the situations where I know I am going to get frustrated with them. For example, if they are supposed to clean their rooms, I can't sit there and watch them. They don't stay on-task, whether I'm there or not, and when they start goofing off, I lose it. So I do something else, and dad sometimes has to supervise room cleaning. Maybe I'm getting better at it now, or maybe they are getting a little better at getting the job done. How old are your kids?

[vulnerome]

*scoops up Nicole & puts her in a safe place*

Children are much more resilent than us adults would ever believe. They are probably fine.

Congratulations on throwing out the blades.

Hope you feel better soon.

XXXXX

[NicoleB]

((((((((((Angela)))))))))))
I did with the help of a friend figure out what happened. Funny, but usually if I can figure out what happened I am okay then.

((((((((((((Rapunzel))))))))))))))))))

The kids are so frustrating. I can't watch them clean their rooms either, because I just get really, really angry and that doesn't help at all. The kids are 5, 4, and 2. I know exactly what you are saying about the whole control thing. I do the same thing, if I am afraid that I wont control myself I si. It really does help me to then be able to be in control. I am working on finding new ways to remain in control though.

((((((((Vulnerome)))))))))))))))
You are right children are resilent, but they should have to put up with me throwing a fit. If you tell a child to shut up enough then they lose their ability to communicate effectively and I don't ever want that to happen.

Nicole

[vulnerome]

Appreciate your point Nicole, but so long as it is a rare thing & you make appropriate amends... how mcuh damage is done? We introduce children to the world gently, which is right & good, but never forget that sometimes we do need to be told to shut up. If you were to cotton wool your children, how well will they survive in the greater world.

XXXXXXX

[SweetCrusader]

I don't think children EVER need to be told to shutup. They deserve to be loved and respected and there are better ways of going about changing behaviors than being rude to the kids.

That said, if you do not generally tell the kids to shutup- if you are generally very kind and open and accepting, they will deal just fine with this one time. I really believe that.

I think you're heart is in the right place, and this is good!! I also think you're going to be ok, and so are the kids.

((((((Nicole)))))))

Angela

[NicoleB]

Thanks Angela. I agree with you that children should never be told to shut up. Kids are innocent and don't deserve to have adults being mean to them. I hate myself for not being perfect with them all the time. I know I can't be perfect, but that is what I always try for and then beat myself up when I fail. I expect perfection from me and have been told that I also expect perfection from the kids too. I am really working on lighting up on the kids. Anyway, thanks angela.
Nicole

[SweetCrusader]

That perfectionism is coming from somewhere. Might be something to think about

[NicoleB]

It probably comes from the fact that Mom was perfect and expected us kids to be perfect too. She drilled into our heads that if it isn't perfect, then we failed and therefore are failers. Her biggest thing was the dishes. I hate dishes to this day. Just the sight of them makes me want to throw up. Anyway I am rambling.
Nicole