Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 12:19 PM
SweetCrusader's Avatar
SweetCrusader SweetCrusader is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
Hey everyone,

So I am having major urges these days. So far, so good- I haven't done it in over a month. But I am really struggling not do to cut!!

I have this new therapist for the time being, while I'm working on arrangements to go back to my other one. This new T is through the college counseling center and because of that he cannot tolerate a lot of si. He said if I did it once or twice and it wasn't severe, then he would work with me on it but that if I do it too frequently or too severely, he would have to terminate therapy and refer me to someone else basically because the counseling center cannot put me in inpatient care. I guess he thinks that would be warranted. Well anyway, he didn't specificy how many cuts are too many or anything like that.

One of my "issues" I guess, with si, is that I love to do it and keep it secret. I was overcoming that (finally) with my other T because I felt obligated to tell her the truth and let her know every time I cut. This helped give me incentive NOT to cut. Now I find myself thinking, well I'm not in therapy with her right now, so I'm not obligated to tell her. And I can find reasons for NOT telling him- like not wanting therapy to be terminated. And I don't feel obligated to tell him. So now I'm fighting this HUGE urge to do a LOT of cutting. I'm not urging to do it too severely, but just a LOT of it. Frequently. Ya know?

And also I haven't cut on my arms for 2 years. I cut on my thighs instead because it's easier to hide. BUT I far prefer my arms because it's easier for me to do worse cutting on my arms because my thighs are so much softer. I hope that wasn't too much detail. Anyway, I stopped cutting on my arms because (1) it's harder to hide and (2) I will cut worse if I do it there. NOW I am really wanting to cut up my arms. And I could probably pull it off because I'm living in a much colder area now and it's coming up on winter, so wearing long sleeves is the norm. I really want some cuts on my arms.

I don't know why I told all that. I just wanted to tell.

Angela
__________________
**Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
~Alanis Morissette

advertisement
  #2  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 12:26 PM
HALLIEBETH87's Avatar
HALLIEBETH87 HALLIEBETH87 is offline
Legendary
 
Member Since: Oct 2004
Location: usa
Posts: 11,921
At least your therapist tolerates it at all. i started therapy for the first time about 2 months ago. my T said I can't do it at all, cause if I do she'll put me in a hospital. Yesterday she made me show her my arms- i got caught. Now I have to be careful b/c i'm terrified if i get caught again i'll be hospitalized. She doesn't understand you can't just up and quit. She has like zero tolerance- I hope I don't get hospitalized! Don't cut your arms.
__________________
schizoaffective bipolar type
PTSD
generalized anxiety d/o

haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin
  #3  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 01:19 PM
jetblackaura's Avatar
jetblackaura jetblackaura is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Jul 2004
Location: Scotland
Posts: 328
(((((((((((Angela)))))))))))

Don't stop your good spell!! You're doing so great. I know it's hard, but you're strong and you can get through this without cutting. I hope you don't cut.

You're in my thoughts.

Claire x
__________________
**Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"
  #4  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 04:02 PM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Perhaps you can make a committment to your future patients, hun? The strength you have now is being gathered up, so you can share it with them....so you can offer it to them - it's a blessing I think (another thread topic!).

Perhaps you can try to make a no-SI committmet to them and to yourself. You need to take care of Angela so she can be the best caretaker for the posters here, and for your patients yet to come. You've read about Social Learning Theory (remember Bandura?). People learn by watching others. Other folks with an SI problem may be able to learn skills and determination from you.

Wishing I could sooth your hurt.

Emmy
  #5  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 04:46 PM
SweetCrusader's Avatar
SweetCrusader SweetCrusader is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
Oh you have to play the future clients card, eh? **Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"

That makes me feel like I really shouldn't do this. But I want to soooo much. And the stupid thing is, I'm even sure I'm IN any pain. I wonder if I even have any pain at all. And I wonder if I have a right to have it, even if I did.

I am probably making no sense at all. **Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"
__________________
**Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
~Alanis Morissette
  #6  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 06:10 PM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Of course you have a right to your feelings. It sounds like you feel sorta mixed up right now. It's ok to have 20 feelings at the same time, sweetie. It's completely natural. Try writing them each down; just a list of words. See if you can sort them out. Even cut them out and literally sort them if it helps. Look at each word, like "anger" and see if you can figure out where it comes from today. Might be you stubbed your toe, might be an old bad memory. Just work on them individually. It's too much to do in a big pile. Tooooo confusing and overwhelming.

Take care of yourself tonight. Eat something healthy, OK? Nourishing yourself is like self-parenting.

emmy
  #7  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 08:34 PM
SweetCrusader's Avatar
SweetCrusader SweetCrusader is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
Alright, I decided not to do it today. **Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired" I actually almost went and bought some new blades for it, but I didn't. Phew. Another day. Isn't that what it feels like sometimes? Like just one more day with no si is a really cool thing? Every single day for the past few months I have been fighting and fighting urges....

Well, I should be doing homework instead anyway!

Thanks for taking such good care of me Emmy. **Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired" You are a gem! (And a great auntie!!)

((((((Hugs))))))

Angela
__________________
**Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
~Alanis Morissette
  #8  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 09:03 PM
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Oh sweetie pie! I'm glad you got through another day! I'm glad you reached out for help. That's such a sign of STRENGTH!! I'm very impressed with your hard work!

Auntie Emmy **Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"
  #9  
Old Oct 30, 2004, 10:58 PM
NicoleB's Avatar
NicoleB NicoleB is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2004
Posts: 94
((((((((Angela)))))))))))))))
I am sorry you are feeling so down right now. I am glad that you were able to make it through the day. I understand the urge to cut and you have helped me through it many times whether you knew it or not. Keep up the good work and do something nice for yourself.
TC
Nicole
__________________
You can choose to be all you can be or you can choose to be less. Why not stretch to the full measure of the challenge and see all that you can do? You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction. -Jim Rohn
  #10  
Old Nov 01, 2004, 11:28 PM
SweetCrusader's Avatar
SweetCrusader SweetCrusader is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Apr 2004
Location: Utah
Posts: 2,940
Thanks Halliebeth87 and jetblack, for replying and helping me out. *hugs*
__________________
**Trigger** New Therapist, and I'm feeling "inspired"

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name
~Alanis Morissette
  #11  
Old Nov 02, 2004, 04:51 PM
ktp's Avatar
ktp ktp is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Aug 2004
Location: neither here nor there
Posts: 933
((((((((((ANGELA)))))))))))

Big, warm, tight, squishy hugs you lovely dear.

I'm so glad to see that you made it another day!

Stay safe!
Kimberly.
Reply
Views: 932

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Coffee... inspired to post it by the Crackpots... (it's long, tho) goofygirl Other Mental Health Discussion 1 Mar 27, 2007 10:58 PM
Feeling weird about my therapist going on vacation Faith_walk Psychotherapy 9 Nov 18, 2006 09:29 PM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:13 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.