[SweetCrusader]

when you cut, do you tell your T? if so, how often? do you tell them every time? or maybe when you need to deal with something in therapy? do you feel obligated to tell them or do you think it's ok not to?

[dalila]

I usually tell cos the last time I didn't tell I felt guilty and cut some more. We deal with it in therapy but i am over a month now without cutting -- I want to but I am hanging tough. I hate having to admit I did it again. My therapist has always been cool about it. In fact she downplays it so much I don't feel like it is worth doing it for her attention.

[Zenobia]

I tell if it comes up as part of what I am working on. I don't feel comfortable talking about it. I hate the focus being on the self injury because I feel like it is a waste of time. I would rather be concentrating on the triggers that cause me too self injure...but since I just admitted on another thread that I sometimes seek out triggers to justify self injury maybe I am wrong.
Carrie<font color="blue">

[SweetCrusader]

I think a LOT of us seek out triggers to justify si.

Thanks for answering my post everyone!!! I really appreciate it. I'm thinking about this question a lot lately.

[Rapunzel]

I only tell if it seems relevant to something that I need to say, or I would tell if she asked. I figure that if she doesn't ask, she probably doesn't want to know about it each and every time. Why bombard her with stuff, when I'm giving her plenty to deal with as it is? And if it doesn't matter to me, then why should I think it would matter to her or anyone else either?

But for someone who feels guilty about keeping it a secret, I would say to tell, so that you don't have to carry that guilt around. Or also if you don't SI often, and it's significant when you do, then that would be important and you should tell.

So, I think you should tell if it helps you to tell, whether directly (because you feel better if you are not hiding something from your T, etc.), or if it's important and your T needs to be aware of it so that s/he can help you better.

BTW, I'm not keeping a secret by not telling her every time I cut, since I have given her an idea of what I do and the frequency - I just don't think that she needs a news update every time it happens in my case.

[SweetCrusader]

Wendy,

I told Angel yesterday and that's fine and I think I should have.

But I am thinking I might just fail to mention it to Tom tommorrow because I'm afraid he will make a big deal about it, and I don't want there to be a lot of fuss over it. If there is a lot of fuss over it, it will be harder not to cut again. Plus, I don't feel like sharing it with him either, ya know?

What do you think?

[Rapunzel]

Angela,

I'm actually getting the feeling that Tom is going to be left out of the loop more and more, until you are ready to cut him loose. It's good to have someone local, but I'm not sure you are going to let him in enough to give him much of a chance to help you. It's almost like if you did tell him, he might get experience out of it, but it isn't going to benefit you much, especially since you are getting help elsewhere, and there is the risk that his response could make it worse. So, I don't know if it's worth telling him or not. You'll have to play it by ear and do what seems best tomorrow.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Wendy

[armatage]

I used to tell my t every time I cut. I hesitate now because he might want to send me back in the hospital or an RTC. I don't cut anymore but I still SI: punch walls, bang my head, etc. I've thought about cuting. I have 4 blades in my room right now, but I resist. I'm not just doing it for myself. I'm doing it for my mom, dad, my little brother and my t. My only concern is fixing this broken relationship with a certain someone.

this has nothing to do with the topic, but ed, the relationship has no chance of being fixed b/c i refuse to try so you might as well give up too before you regret it.

[armatage]

You know I don't stop trying. I'm sorry things have to be this way. I just want things to go back the way they were.

[SweetCrusader]

Well I told the new T. Only because he asked me point blank if I cut this week.

He handled it very well- better than I thought he would.

But when he asked me about coping rather than cutting, and about calling someone (like him) when I'm feeling like that, I tried to tell him that I can't call someone to talk to at 3am. His response was to tell me to call campus police.

Is there a SINGLE soul out there who would actually call campus police rather than cut on yourself? lol! Yeah freakin' right!

Aside from 3am urges to cut, new T says to call him when I want to cut, but he also said that if I call him too much it will be a problem. So naturally I don't want to rely on him at all. I would hate to rely on him only to find that I goofed and did it too much, ya know?

Anyway, I survived. He set up another appointment for this week- on Thursday. Hope that one goes ok, too. As a general rule lately, I've felt worse coming out of therapy with him than I did going in, but that wasn't the case today so maybe Thursday will be ok, too.

Thanks for listening
Angela

[Lexicon78]

I tell my T when I cut and even when I have the urge to. I've tried lying but I always seem to break and tell them the truth. I suck at lying! Anyways getting a handle on my cutting is part of my treatment goals...

[NicoleB]

((((((((Angela)))))))))

Sounds like you new T, is kind of how should say it ignorant about cutting. Call campus security, yeah just what you need to get locked up in the hospital.
Angela, I would say if you feel worse coming out of his office again Thursday, look for another one. I don't know if that is even an option, but if it is I would find someone else.
Nicole

[Rapunzel]

He wants you to call campus police? Yeah, know what you mean about that. What would they do? There may be a crisis line or something. But you know, as long as you were fighting it this time, I'm not sure that talking to someone again would have helped anway. You did ask for help (if not from him, from people who had as much chance of helping you as anyone). That desire didn't go away, although you held out for a long time and I think you are to be congratulated for that.

I hope it goes well Thursday, and Friday, and that you have a good day today too.

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}
Wendy

[Zenobia]

*Zenobia shakes her head* Last week I thought about taking myself to the emergency room but the price would be too high to justify the benefit. Same with calling campus police. Yeah sure if you are about to commit suicide that would be a good thing but this isn't about suicide. It is about another scar. If you don't have the tendency to cut dangerously deep then what payoff would calling campus police get you? I mean, the general opinion out there about cutters is negative to say the least so the chance is you would not be treated in an emotionally healthy manner. You would save yourself a physical scar but the chance of gaining a deeper emotional scar is too great.
Carrie

[SweetCrusader]

Right! Thank you all for understanding!

I never cut dangerously deep. I just want to bleed and sometimes want a scar, and that's good enough for me.

His rationale was that campus police could help me stay safe and they could determine if my crisis constituted calling him. Yeah, right, like I'm really gonna wake him up at 3am when he's already expressed that leaning on him too much for support outside the session would be a problem!

I wouldn't even call my regular T at 3am, and I know she cares about me and would not hold it against me or stop caring if I did call her then. I just don't think cutting is a big enough emergency for that. If it comes down to cutting or waking someone up in the middle of the night, sorry, I choose cutting!

I would also be way too scared I'd get locked up. And getting locked up is not necessary. It's not like I'm cutting in ways that threaten my life.

Anyway, thanks for understanding, even if the new T doesn't. lol

Angela

[jetblackaura]

I agree, i'd would cut rather than wake someone up...but then again i wouldnt phone anybody before i had the urge to cut..i've done it once and i didnt like it at all. So even if i wanted to call someone i probably couldnt bring myself to do it!

I hope things go ok tomorrow.

Claire x

[ktp]

((((((Angela))))))

*smirking at your doc* For someone who paid such a high price for his education, he sure isn't the brightest bulb in the pack Calling campus police....might as well hop in a taxi and drive yourself to the hospital. It's not about suicide. It's about coping but alot of people especially in the medical field don't understand at all. They see someone with cuts on their wrists and automatically think suicide.

I agree that if you feel bad after coming out Thursday maybe you should think of changing T's. This is what I am so afraid of starting therapy. What if it's someone who doesn't understand SI? The feelings would probably be way worse coming out than going into it because of everything being compounded, well you know what I mean. I know you do.


****super tight squishies****

Good luck tomorrow, dear friend,
Kimberly.

[vulnerome]

What a doofus.

My psychiatrist used to ask me outright. Occasionally I would tell him the truth. More often he would ask to see my arms, legs whatever. If I refused he'd wheel over in his chair, take my arm &amp; roll up the sleeve. I never resisted, mainly because he had done it before I even noticde what was happening, but learnt to shrink away if I saw him coming.

Meh, I'd jump in a cab &amp; go for sutures before I'd tell a psychiatrist again - apart from anything else they do not judge you or get squeamish at the casualty department &amp; you don't get hassled afterwards.