I have a hard time expressing myself with ppl, and i realized that cutting is intimacy for me. Its my way of feeling all the deeper feelings that i bury all day long. I feel the emotion, and the pains of them on my skin. I feel so much more deep and .. nonrobotic. It hurts but its real deepth and intrique emotions.

[Rapunzel]

It works the same way for me. When nothing can sink in or feel real, it's something tangible.

Thanx.. Sorry if this post wuz disturbing for anyone.

[SweetCrusader]

Wasn't disturbing. I don't have time to respond right now, but I plan on doing so soon, k?

Angela

[Zenobia]

I know for me cutting is a private and intimate time with myself. A way to express buried emotions that couldn't be expressed any way else. Yeah I guess you are right cutting is intimacy.
Carrie

[ladymorgaine]

That's a really good way of putting it... I never really thought of it being intimate, but it truly is....

[ktp]

I agree about the intimacy thing. To me it is very private and I would never talk about it in 3d with anyone in my family. My husband knows, as he shares similar issues.

But when it does happen, I want it hidden so even he doesn't see because it is something so very personal, for my eyes only.

Hope this makes sense.

Hope everyone is staying safe
***hugs***
Kimberly.

Thanks.. I just want to make sure im sensitive to others who might take my post as encouraging that behavior. Its not. I just sorta wrote it trying to think about why I cut.

[Zenobia]

It is important to explore the feelings behind our behavior otherwise we won't get any where. That I think is what this forum is for. We just have to be careful not to give in to the desire to describe in detail the actual act of self injury. Sometimes I wish we could though. It would feel good to stop hiding it and tell everyone exactly what I did tonight. But Doc John is right to restrict that kind of talk here. Sigh.

Anyway, I thought this topic was an interesting one.
Carrie

[SweetCrusader]

For me, the intimacy part of cutting gets to be very problematic. Because it's not just being private- but it's about isolating myself. I like to cut and hide it from people. But lately I'm coming out of that. I feel the responsibility to tell my regular T about it. I feel like I owe it to the therapeutic relationship with her, because we are a team in getting me better so I need to do my part. I also feel like I owe her honestly. Although the new T that I'm seeing, if he didn't ask me directly I wouldn't tell him. I don't know how long I'm going to be in therapy.

Anyway, I think in ways that the intimacy thing is about setting up some kind of boundary and that's positive. But I also think it sometimes just makes our problems worse because it makes us more isolative.

Angela

[ktp]

((((((Carrie))))))

If you feel like getting a little more graphic, if you think it'll make you feel better, and you are comfortable enough,you can pm me if you want to go into more detail. No worries, I'm not squeamish or get joy out of other's pain, but I know how you feel. There are times when I'd really like to tell it all on here but you're right DocJohn is doing good in trying to protect everyone.

Hope that makes sense and I don't sound like a weirdo, but friends help friends and I would love to be able to help ease your mind a little.

Take Care of yourself,
Kimberly.

[Zenobia]

Thanks Kimberly,
I appreciate the offer. Unfortunately I couldn't offer the same to someone else so I don't feel right taking you up on yours. Kinda like the golden rule sort of thing. I will just have to save it for therapy, which is better anyway because that way I am kept safe and I know for certain my kind friends are kept safe as well.
Carrie

[vulnerome]

Same, but not necessarily entirely private. Keeps creeping into my sex life. Either way it sends me far far away.
Gah.

[Zenobia]

sigh, know what you mean.
Carrie