The Urge

Ugh, I'm totally having an urge to SI.

I haven't done it in many, many, many years. But as my other "coping" mechanisms fall away, the urge is coming back.

I used to do it years and years ago. Then I discovered my eating d/o and used that instead. And then I discovered alcohol/drugs and used those instead.

I gave up drinking a few years ago, and the eating d/o came back. Now I'm giving up the eating d/o and the SI urge is back. It's like I'm working my way backwards through my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I'm under a lot of stress right now - very, very stressful event coming up in my life tomorrow. Almost feels like it will be more than I can deal with, but it's happening and there's no getting around it.

I took 1/2 of a xanax, and e-mailed my T, who has no idea that I used SI in the past.

I guess I'm just going to try to make it through today.

Ugh. Just wanted to vent to people who would understand

(((((((((((((((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you have something coming up tomorrow that you are dreading so much. I can understand the sequence of coping mechanisms that are not the most healthy to utilize. I too have run that route.

Can you call your t if things become too overwhelming? Did you tell your t that you used to SI in your email? Will it help to journal about what you are feeling?

I know how hard it can be to remember healthy coping mechanisms when things are so difficult. Can you continue to try as they may serve you even in this time of distress?

Know I am here and I care. Please take care and try and stay safe.

BB

I cycle through destructive coping strategies too. And I know that the better answer is to learn how to cope in a more productive and positive way, but sometimes that really is hard. Until you have some success with better coping strategies, the old standbys are pretty tempting.

(((((((((((((((( earthmama ))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((( bi-polar bear ))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((rapunzel ))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((( fuzzy ))))))))))))))))

I did cut, just a little.

I did tell T I was having the urge, in an e-mail. He's out of town - he goes out of town every weekend.

It was a momentary relief, but now I feel bad in a while different way.

yeah... i hear you... it's good that you emailed your t... take gentle care...lyn

Hi Mama, how about learning how to deal with your feelings? If you fix the initial issues then you don't have to "cope" with anything.

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Sannah said:
Hi Mama, how about learning how to deal with your feelings?

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RIght. That's why I'm in therapy. Wish it was an instant fix!

(((((earthmama)))))
Know just how you feel.

earthmama how are you doing? R u OK? It sucks when you therapist is gone. Im lucky to have two and usually have one or the other when one is gone. Hang in there. I care.