[Sanguis]

I want to harm myself very badly. I feel afraid though, because I've never wanted it this badly and I've never wanted to do as much damage as I want to right now. Distractions aren't working right now and all my thoughts are racing through my head.
I feel horrible knowing that I told someone that I would stop when instead of stopping it's just getting worse.
Thanks for reading this.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( sanguis )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

It's awful of being caught in thoughts of SI.

Can you change something around you? Sometimes if I FORCE myself to change my environment (go for a walk, go to a store, step outside and feel the sun) or to connect with another person (call a friend, go hang out with my kids) it can snap me out of the obsessive SI thinking. The fact that you are reaching out on this board is a good thing. Can you think of things to do that can get you from one moment to the next to the next? And then maybe as time passes, the urge will lessen....

I'm sorry you're struggling.

[Sanguis]

Thanks for replying : ]
I've been trying to keep busy. No one is really around at the moment so there's no one to talk to but hopefully soon someone will come around.
I'll probably go for a walk or try to do something that will make me tired.
Thanks again, that really helped.

[Sannah]

Hi Sanguis, are you in therapy?

[Sanguis]

Hi Sannah.
Nope I'm not in any therapy.

[Sannah]

Are you considering it at all?

[Sanguis]

Well since I'm in high school my parents still have all the say in what I do and they don't think that I need it. I've talked to a counselor at school but he didn't really help much.

[Sannah]

Do they know that you SI?

[Sanguis]

Yes they do. They found out a couple years ago. They just don't think it's an addiction. They think I can stop whenever I want.

[Sanguis]

Thanks for the reply Ladybug95.
When you say that you haven't really tried SI before, don't try it. It's a horrible thing to get into. It becomes something that you won't be able to get out of your head. Try to beat the urge. SI is really not worth it. I'm here if you need to talk.

[gothham]

Hi Sanguis, Sorry to hear you too are struggling tonite. I hope you are able to stay safe and refrain from injury. I know how you are struggling with it. Do your parents realize that if you have an SI addiction it is just as hard to try to break as if you were addited to .alcohol ar drugs. I'll bet if it were one of the others you would already have been wisked off to therapy or rehab. Yiu can't do it yourself. I know this for a fact because as you already know I have and am still battling with it despite the numerous supports I have. Can another counselor or possibly a teacher you know speak to your parents on your behalf? I'm not saying that you will get cured over night, but you are so young and maybe that will give you the opportunity to get a grip on things and start recovery now so you don't end up like myself and so many others who are struggling after so many years. Like any other addiction, my belief is that the longer you wait the harder the proess will be for you. I wish you well and support is here if I can help in any way. Take care

[Sanguis]

They don't seem to understand it at all really. They don't understand that I can't walk around without something covering my arms and legs even though they know there are scars there. I've tried to tell them that I need some type of help but they don't ever do anything. The counselor actually did try to tell my parents about this place that helps teenagers with problems but we never actually went there.
Thanks for the reply Gothham.

[Sannah]

Hi Sanguis, I am in total shock...... Do your parents have an attitude about mental health and therapy? Do they have any issues in this area?

[gothham]

Hello again - just a thought, but maybe you ould get a book that has a section on it for family and friends that emphasizes the support, understanding, and help that they so desperately need to provide for tou in order for recovery to begin. There are many good books that might benefit you both. I am actually reading and working from a book called "The Scarred Soul". It has exerises throughout that correlate with what they are focusing on getting across to you so that you can reflect on how it relates to you. This helps you to try and recognize triggers and such. It is not a bunch of mumbo jumbo! My therapist is working with me utilizing it and it helps her to see things that I write about myself that are not easy to talk about. When I use it at home I write without any hesitation and there is no pressure to get it done in an appointment time frame. If I start to get upset or triggered I can put it down and walk away until I feel I can handle things. Give it a try. Please try to stay safe and don't hesitate to email me to talk if you want. I wish you well and restraint. Take care.

[Sanguis]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sannah said:
Hi Sanguis, I am in total shock...... Do your parents have an attitude about mental health and therapy? Do they have any issues in this area?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
They just don't like the idea of anything being wrong with someone in the family i guess. I really have no idea what it is.
Thanks for the reply.

[Sanguis]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
gothham said:
Hello again - just a thought, but maybe you ould get a book that has a section on it for family and friends that emphasizes the support, understanding, and help that they so desperately need to provide for tou in order for recovery to begin. There are many good books that might benefit you both. I am actually reading and working from a book called "The Scarred Soul". It has exerises throughout that correlate with what they are focusing on getting across to you so that you can reflect on how it relates to you. This helps you to try and recognize triggers and such. It is not a bunch of mumbo jumbo! My therapist is working with me utilizing it and it helps her to see things that I write about myself that are not easy to talk about. When I use it at home I write without any hesitation and there is no pressure to get it done in an appointment time frame. If I start to get upset or triggered I can put it down and walk away until I feel I can handle things. Give it a try. Please try to stay safe and don't hesitate to email me to talk if you want. I wish you well and restraint. Take care.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thanks. That sounds like a really good idea, it sounds like that book will definitely help you.
I will try to get that and see how it goes. Thanks : ]