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oops i should have read all your posts..., i am glad you called... now...make her hear how important it is for you to see her after...lyn

((((((((((Lyn))))))))))))))
yeah i do vaguely remember that, now that you mention it. I have the PP appointment Tuesday morning and my T appointment Wed night - that can't be changed. But I put in a call for just a 5 minute check in after the PP one.... still not sure that will help. But maybe this can be a new segment... first time for safety?
I can't take a med for this either - i have about a 20 min drive out there and I am also concerned that I'd have worse flashbacks on the med.
One thing I'd sort of thought about is going over to the clinic afterward if need be because I'd be coming home to mom and not having anywhere safe to be. If t calls me back i can ask her about having a check in (if at all even) in person at the clinic where i can maybe curl up in the family room and stay until I feel safe.
I have *such* a headache. Why did I pick NOW to go off chocolate cold turkey? *crosses eyes*. I honestly think this is a withdrawal headache!

(((((((((Pseudo)))))))) cute pic!!

if your mom is going to be a trigger the clinic may be a good thing... or a walk in a safe place... lyn

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Kiya said:
the hardr part was having to then report that there were more cuts *after* i talked to her.
the neat thing is that i know she'll say "you are where you and do what you can to get through".

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So T wasn't much help?

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Kiya said:
today provided more clues to the switching that led up to it.

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Did you figure out something here about what leads you to SI?

well... DID switching .... so triggers lead to switching, leads to forgetting meds, leads to major mood shifs, leads to cutting.

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bchlyn said:
if your mom is going to be a trigger the clinic may be a good thing... or a walk in a safe place... lyn

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Yeah... haven't heard back from T yet... but I ...hmm.. i should probably write a note and put it in my car to remind me I can go there.

Can i cancel??? PLEASE???? I *don't* want to do this!

Of course you can cancel, but I hope you don't. You gotta take care of the body if you wanna take care of the mind. Bring Bene, and remember that I'll be nearby in spirit if you need to talk.

Try to do this for yourself, Kiya.
*****************hug********************

=(

*shaking all over like going to the gallows*

ok ok... first things first... no thinking about tomorrow until tomorrow. first i gotta get through this SSI interview... in just over an hour. ...course, if i DO think about tomorrow during my interview, they'll see just how spacy/triggery i can be and ... it would be like "how many alters can we meet in one day"? I'm forgetting what forum this is.... and the reason i started this.... to not injure this week. Starting with today. But, so far so good - i got all the meds/suppliments in... ate.... hey - wanna remind me at dinner to take them again? Start things off well? OMG now i am REALLY shaking..... it really is tomorrow...

I will remind you at dinner to take them again, dear.
Hang in there *********hug***********

Oh good! Whew!!! I'd already lost myself at some store after my interview. System did try to find something shapr during the interview - but the only available thing ended up being rubber and not metallic. Small favors =)
I am safe right now.

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earthmama said:
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Kiya said:

if i were smart, i'd arrange a check in with t after my scary appnt on tued... even tho i see her wed night.
@_@

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Well, since you ARE smart, why don't you go ahead and do this?

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As it turns out, T had to change my wed time... so now (ironically) it is tomorrow at 1. I had asked for the check in at noon. Which is really good, i think that will de-esclate any inner chaos .... I will try to get myself in the clinic family room (rather than the waiting room) for the time in between so i will be away from sharp objects.
I will aslo have Bene - I really hope T doesn't make me give up Bene tomorrow. =( I might have to petition him. I need him wed too. I had him with me today and even my case worker pet him and talked about him. I didn't know if i should be embarrassed or amused.... in front of the SSI worker. That may be when the system started looking for sharp objects... but CW had her eye on our every move and was duitfully inspecting the object that had our interest. I think she would not have let us injure.
Wow i am rambling. I am so very tired.
(((((((((((((((thank you everyone in here supporting me!!!!!!!!!!!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))

T will take Bene over my cold dead body.
Don't forget to print out the wanted poster and Milk Jug. =)
*********Hugs*********

oh yeah!!! i forgot!!!!! see if i can remember in the morning
(not likely, but maybe it will take my mind of *other* things).

how are you tonight kiya.... thinking about you...lyn

well, last night i was ok. i am worried about today... scary exam and all... you understand all too well.
already crying and dissociating....
have t after the appointment.... feel like i'm going to throw up. parts keep reminding me there's a TOOL in the car.

(((((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))))))))))

I have been thinking about you ALL DAY.

Are you okay????

Update when you can.

Much love!

Same here; you've been on my mind as well. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Fox))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

how did your appointment go kiya... ((((((kiya))))))

Whooopse!!! Sorry all.....
((((((((((((((((((((((Earthmama, Pseudo, Lyn)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i am alright. did have tears and switching.... and more exam than i wanted since they talked me into the full annual.... but i lived. i had a lot of help from you all.... and also by chance a former co-worker was already there too, so we talked each other through it.
thanks everyone.
2 more drs tomorrow....*colapses in to chair*

(((((((((((((((((((((((Kiya))))))))))))))))))))))) I am glad you had a friend that could go with you. You are so brave. I am thinking about you. And with you throughout this tough time.

BB

(((((((((((((((BBear))))))))))))))
I, too, am glad she just happened to be there. we were both totally shocked. She knows that it would take an extreme act to even get me in there, so she thought i was a mirage for a while. I was in "the zone" she said - survival mode... I almost didn't see her across the room from me. But it was an easy relation to slip in to since we both share the same history and both want to run for our lives. Her being there and the easy chat kept me more out of my head for the 40+ min wait. She could see that I was still a nervous wreck but a different alter kicks in in that circumstance.
***and*** hanging with her afterward ensured that I couldn't switch into the destructive alter who cuts.
Today, MD did ask if I cut, but thankfully hasn't looked at them the past two times. And they weren't seen for the blood pressure *today*. Yesterday they were (growl) but thankfully no one said anything about them.

I really didn't feel anything remote to brave - the osteopath said the same thing to me today - i was totally scared beyond my mind yesterday and actually thought I'd black out. I know we would have cut had my co-worker not miracoulsy been there. We had lunch after my apnt. And we were soooooooooooo close to cutting the trunk of the body last night (instead of arms) because we'd felt the body betrayed us. But somehow we got through.
Thank you for the support!!!

(((((((((((((((((( kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))) how are you?...lyn

thinking about you... please stay safe...lyn