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#1
Jan 02, 2009, 02:34 AM
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It feels like I am going to explode..
it all hurts can't take it anymore.. I am so ****ing sick of losing time, forgetting things, so tired of the dreams, of the memories, I am tired of this hell hole that is supposed to be a home.. Home is supposed to be safe, home is supposed to be a loving place, but I have no home, I sit here on my room, my only refugee, and even then it is only a refugee at 3am, when everyone is asleep, and all is quiet, and there are no hateful words, no attack Sparrow sessions, I am so close to just ****ing packing my bags, and leaving, just running away, I am sick, tired, worn, I am so close to just snapping, I am full of rage, full of hurt..**** it all, this world is a puzzle and I don't know how to put it together anymore... this sucks...I quit...or at least I want to I am tired that everything I do is under the microscope, that everything I do is open for scrutiny and full critzim, everything from what I eat, to how I breathe, and no I am not overexagerating, it is the honest to god truth, I get critizied for how I BREATHE!!!! My friends can tell I am close to losing it, I am falling into full self destruct mode, I am getting more and more withdrawn, I don't want to leave my room, all I do is sleep, my anxiety feels like it is going to make my heart EXPLODE I just want to carve into myself, I want a new scar, I just want some comfort...some peace, I know it is wrong, but..it helps..it does, bad yes I know, but...just..so...I need this..I want it..I don't know what to do |
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#2
Jan 02, 2009, 02:53 AM
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you are not bad Sparrow... or wrong... you hurt... let it out... please be gentle, k? dont want you to hurt either and you are trying so hard.... you can make it, you can (((Sparrow))))) its going to be ok in time....
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#3
Jan 02, 2009, 03:34 AM
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hey... i hope you have been able to stay safe... i understand needing to be safe... i don't think your exagerating... lyn
__________________
lyn one could do worse then be a swinger of birches. ~robert frost~
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#4
Jan 02, 2009, 05:30 PM
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I managed to not cut last night, how I don't know but I didn't.
I am trying to be good, so hard, trying to fly below the radar at the moment, to stay out of their view, and keep out of the house, be a good little girl  just, worn, wearing out, needing rest, I am trying not to sleep all the time, but, it is an escape for now..wrong yes, because I am not gettign anything done, but..it is safe... |
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#5
Jan 03, 2009, 07:42 AM
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(((((((((((((((((( Silversparrow ))))))))))))))))))
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#6
Jan 03, 2009, 09:31 AM
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(((((sparrow)))))
One day at a time....you are worth every minute of every day. We need to know that somebody loves us. and we LOVE YOU! Take gentle care......sending healing vibes your way Colleen
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Tomorrow always has the potential to be better than today. lets pretend its tomorrow...ok? |
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#7
Jan 03, 2009, 01:18 PM
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Silver I am so sorry that you can't find peace in your own home. Hopefully you and your T on Tuesday can talk about this?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#8
Jan 03, 2009, 03:29 PM
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I am calmer now, sort of stumbling along, picking up the pieces, of my slight sucidal breakdown, late nights are never good for me, if I don't keep myself busy. Yes, home, define that for me, because I don't understand it. Doesn't help matters that everytime I look at my calender the impending therapist appointment for tuesday stares me right in the face, I think I am going to take it down for now..
*sighs* just..feels like something is missing, like I am missing something, I know I am missing alot of things, sanity, a childhood, innocence, stability, the usual list, but it is something diffrent, then those, a new feeling I can't describe, but, it is this lost, missing feeling.. and it hurts, but in a numbing way.. Just feels like I am walking around in circles in my mind, passing the same catcus in the desert, the same old tree in the forest, over and over and over... |
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#9
Jan 03, 2009, 03:47 PM
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*hugs*
__________________
 Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. |
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#10
Jan 03, 2009, 04:44 PM
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__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#11
Jan 03, 2009, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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