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#1
Feb 03, 2005, 04:16 PM
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i should be happy for you... i should feel good because you have found help. but it only brings me to tears... because i am unable to drag myself to get the help i so desperately need.
its jealousy... im so envious... i want so bad to follow your lead. ive allowed myself to suffer, so long. it has engulfed me completely. i want to have strength as you have shown, but my strength has been consumed by trying to fight this for so long. trying to wear this mask and to pretend has taken every ounce of strength and courage. i am left alone, unable, and weak. and i am so very very happy for you... because nobody should ever allow themselves to fall so deep as i have... i can see you from down here, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. it makes me smile and cry all at the same time, at least someone is able to pull together enough courage to reach for help. i am too far gone. |
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#2
Feb 03, 2005, 04:57 PM
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Cottoncandylocks-
We live in a world where the blind and mute learn how to talk. Little miracles happen everday, but they are little flecks of hope floating in the air we breath. You never know when it will float to you. See..shame says we are the worst, the most bad off. Nothing can help us. Hope says all things are possible. I will keep believing. Its so hard to believe when many things have gone wrong. Thats why we have each other. We can encourage each other, love each other so that we know.... Candylocks, there is hope and a future for you! *hugs* ev |
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#3
Feb 03, 2005, 09:09 PM
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You are never too far gone. It takes a LOT of time and a LOT of heartache, and many many MANY failed attempts before you can walk away from a blade (or whatever it is that a person struggles with).
It takes working on the CAUSES underneath, not just targetting the behavior. Because self-injury doesn't stop when you target the self-injuring behavior rather than what's leading to the desire to hurt yourself. You can do this one small step at a time. There will be backtracking and there will be times when you just tread water. But you will make progress. The journey is long and hard and worth it. And we are here for you every step, because YOU are worth it. ~Angela
__________________
 Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#4
Feb 03, 2005, 09:34 PM
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thanks guys...
sweetcrusader, you got it so right when you said sometimes you will just tread water. thats exactly what im doing... just trying to keep from drowning. |
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#5
Feb 04, 2005, 02:59 AM
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Rapunzel throws CCL a life preserver. Hang on until you're ready to start swimming.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#6
Feb 04, 2005, 02:52 PM
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*hanging onto the life prserver*
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#7
Feb 04, 2005, 09:56 PM
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 Just hang on for as long as you need to.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg
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#8
Feb 10, 2005, 12:03 PM
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cottoncandy, many huggs (if wanted) goes out to you. In your original post, I seen so much pain and devistation. Please know we are here for you, my friend. I just got out of the psych. unit this morning (was there 4 days today) for my cutting getting extremely out of control. I, too, felt I was too far gone and couldn't be helped anymore. But because I seen the pain people were in from seeing MY open wounds and scars, I took that one last leap of HOPE, and I'm hoping that maybe this time I can go that extra mile. I will walk that mile with you too if you need it. (((huggz)))
__________________
... What's this life for? |
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#9
Feb 10, 2005, 02:32 PM
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thank you so much, thats so nice ....
i needed to read that , cuz i have an appointment with a pychologist today... ty bama
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#10
Feb 10, 2005, 08:00 PM
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How did it go CCL? I hope things were good. Please let us know!
__________________
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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#11
Feb 10, 2005, 09:50 PM
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*hugs*
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#12
Feb 10, 2005, 11:41 PM
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i let go of the life preserver... i was anticipating this day
my dr visit.... i love the psychologist i got. he's great and has a PHD so i trust him. he gave me an Axis 1 dx of bipolar 1 rapid cycling. the MD who i guess you'd call a pdoc was an %#@&#!. he laughed at me when i told him i have severe manic episodes. he asked intrusive questions and said i would have to be hospitalized involuntarily if i didnt take a prescription and agree to stay medicated... cuz of the homocidal and suicidal behaviors and thoughts. i hate that guy and im not going back to him. i regret this .. all of it. and now im cutting sorry i dissapoint you guys . i am hopeless, so just stop trying ok? |
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#13
Feb 10, 2005, 11:53 PM
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Sorry, we are not going to stop caring about you.
*safe hugs* if wanted
__________________
Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name ~Alanis Morissette |
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#14
Feb 10, 2005, 11:57 PM
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Sounds like you need to try another doctor. Keep going to the therapist since you get along so well.
Someone here once said you need to interview your docs. I agree. Hubby and I had an AWFUL doc (I call her Dr. Quack), but we switched. We see him next month. Have faith CCL...you'll find a doctor you like. Keep trying! We'll be here to help. You can do this. You can fight this disease. Remember, you HAVE bipolar disorder. You are NOT bipolar.
__________________
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou Karma is a boomerang. Trying to read 52 books in 52 weeks. See how I'm doing |
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#15
Feb 19, 2005, 07:01 PM
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I agree, you will always bump into people you don't like, and the same goes for doctors... Some are in it only for the money and aren't really concerned for your well being. The best thing to do with that situation is find another doctor who actually cares. Go through 100 if you have to to find that one doctor who helps. Just please don't give up hope.
__________________
... What's this life for? |
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#16
Feb 20, 2005, 08:59 AM
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Nope we won't give up on ya
Angie
__________________
 A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck. |
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