..just blabbing

this thought has been in my mind for about forever. just came to my mind again last night. that for me, maybe just an itty bitty part of SI is a need to take care of myself...in some strange messed up way. i dunno. it's just like i'll get into a self destructive mode for a few weeks at a time and be really bad at taking care of myself, and after the worst SI kinda wake up and clean out cuts, and wrap it up and all that.

i dunno. my silly view on the world, thought i'd share.

~Kayleigh

*hugs* Yeah.. I've read that too online.

It makes sense to me. Then you have the chance to nurture yourself and take care of your hurt. I understand needing to have a tangible way to do that, but maybe you can reach the point where you can acknowlege the emotional wounds and nurture and heal them, and not need to create new wounds.

Couldn't have said it better myself Wendy. I've been reading about some self therapy stuff that seems to help me. It focuses more on thinking/analyzing what happened to with an open mind as opposed to dwelling on it. I've learned that when I dwell on things I find myself creating the new wounds as Wendy mentioned. When I try to analyze it, to understand how it's affecting me today, with the understanding that I will not let it get me down, I find that my urges to cut are all but gone. I have also found that if I'm not careful, I can get wrapped up in these memories and loose sight of what I'm doing... and wind up dwelling. Granted, I've only been looking into this for a couple days, but it seems to help. Not sure if any of this will help you with what you're going through Star, and if it doesn't then just forget I said anything. Anyway, please be safe.

ryan

"If it makes you happy, then I’m fine. If it makes you sleep at night, I am not suicidal. If it helps you stay ignorant, the scars that lace my body are not remnants or proof of how much self-hatred boils inside of me. If it keeps you from abandoning me, then I am not crazy… "

I understand this perfectly. It is ironic how the ones who say they care about us the most are the ones we protect because in all honestly they just don't get what goes on inside our minds.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts tonight!

thanks guys!! felt kinda talkative, since my dad cut my phone line. grrr..*choice words*.

but, gah..now i just feel like cutting just because. no reason behind it. just because the blades are there. never felt like quitting, never found a reason to except the fact that it hurts other people more than it hurts me. i dunno..more later, time for class. ugh.

~Kayleigh