past memories--may trigger

This is my first time to write a post. I have responded to a few posts but never wrote one myself. Please bear with me.

I got an email from my sister today that was a real trigger for past memories of child sexual abuse. I only began having these memories the last 15 years. Up till then I couldn't remember anything of my childhood from birth to age 10. Not all the memories I have recovered are bad memories but a few of them are. This past few months I've been having 2 memory flashbacks all the time. I asked my sister for accuracy since she remembers those years. She confirmed that indeed the perpetrator was at those places at that time. She asked me to "sit" with these memories and see what more I can learn from them. She wants me to contact my inner child that was abused and help her heal. I am worried that if I "sit" with these flashback/memories I will become overwhelmed and resort to SI in order to cope. I don't have a therapist right now to help me work through these feelings. My family doesn't know about my SI (except they see the scars and wonder what happened; most of my injuries are where you can't see them) I began SIing in college and have continued for the past 25 years. I don't want to choose SI as a coping mechanism for these flashback/memories. The flashback/memories just produce intense feelings and I become overwhelmed. Help me choose a better coping mechanism. How can I handle the intensity of those feelings?

deep breathing

relaxation techniques

call a friend, your therapist or a crisis line

try not be be alone (visit a friend, go shopping, etc.)

take a hot bath

listen to music

go for a walk

write in a journal

some people find it helpful to draw red lines on themselves with washable markers instead of cutting themselves

hold ice cubes in your hands - the cold causes pain in your hands, but it is not dangerous or harmful (some people find it relieves the urge to harm themselves for that moment)

punching a bed or a pillow (when nothing but a physical outlet for your anger and frustration will work).

scratch draw a picture on a thick piece of wood or use a screw driver and stab at the piece of wood. (can be another physical way to release your emotions without harming yourself.)

avoid temptation (i.e. avoiding the area in CVS where the razor blades are kept, etc.)

try to find your own creative ways as outlets for emotions.

learn to confront others/making your own feelings known instead of keeping them inside

go outside and scream and yell

take up a sport (a form of exercise can help you release tension, etc.)

work with paint, clay, play-doo, etc. (the person who suggested this mentioned that they would make a big sculpture and do whatever they wanted to it. They said it was helpful to calm the urge to self-injure, plus it gave them some idea of what might be underlying the pain.

draw a picture of what or who is making you angry
instead of harming yourself, try massaging the area you want to harm with massage oils or creams, reminding yourself that you are special and you deserve to treat yourself and your body with love and respect

go to church or your place of worship
wear a pipe cleaner or something that will fit on the places that you injure.

break the object that you use to self-injure as a way to show that you have control over it.

write a letter to the person(s) that have hurt you and express how they made you feel. Theses letters do not have to be in perfect form and you do not have to please anyone but yourself. You do not have to give these letters to the people, but it is a great way to release the feelings that you are carrying within. After you write the letters, you can decide then what to do with them. Some people find destroying the letters help (i.e. tear them up, throw them in a lake, etc.)

do some household chores (i.e. cleaning)

do some cooking

try some sewing, crossstitch, etc.

recite a poem, prayer or anything else familiar the comforts you multiple times

write down all your positive points and why you do not deserve to be hurt

write in your journal why you want to hurt yourself and if you have hurt yourself, write down what caused it to happen so in the future you can prevent it from happenings - or find out what your triggers were

Play some kind of musical instrument. Even if you don't really know how to play, picking out tunes is a way to concentrate and help get rid of the urge to harm yourself.

yoga

allow yourself to cry. Getting the tears out can make you feel better. It allows the inside to release, as opposed to self abuse. Picture your "ickies" pouring out as you cry.

Take a shower

write down a word best associated with what you are feeling (i.e. horrible, sad, lonely, angry) and continue to write it down, over and over. Sometimes when you do that, the words looks silly etc., and it puts humor or a smile in your life.

sing a song on what you are feeling. It's another way to get it outside. Shout if you are made, etc. Let the words just come to you.

Scribble on paper. Clutch the pen in your fist. It's a way to diffuse it on to paper. (Get a few sheets so they don't tear.)

Take item you are self injurying with and use it against something else. For example, if you are using a razor blade, rip it across a towel. Sometimes seeing what "can" be done to an object can make a person think twice about using it on themselves. Can also give the feeling of "doing it"...the tangible aspect.

Make a list of reasons why you are going to stop cutting. Every time you get the urge, read the list to remind yourself why you shouldn't. Also remember to put on that list that you do not deserve to hurt yourself. You are important and special and you do not deserve to be hurt.

Concentrate on your breathing - take slow, deep breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth

Take a bubble bath

Take a shower

Massage your body, put body glitter / fake tattoos / jewellery / henna on your skin. Remind yourself your body is special.

Go for a walk

Listen / dance / sing to positive music

Pay attention to your body - think about how you are moving

Watch some mindless tv / read a book

Do something creative - eg draw, write poetry, play with playdough, practise a musical instrument, sing, do some gardening, write in a diary

Make something (craft, needlework, etc.)

Make a compliation tape. Start with music that expresses your emotion *now*, and work gradually through neutral to positive and upbeat music.

Do something FUN!!!

Make yourself as comfortable as possible - curl up in a chair with soft toys

Touch something familiar/safe

Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful comforting things/people

Create and use mental safe places (beach, cabin in the woods, peaceful mountain)

Repetitive reality checking (It's March 2003, and I'm going to be ok)

Ask yourself how you feel, think about why you feel like that, and write it down

Notice and avoid black and white thinking

Allow yourself to cry

Allow yourself to ask for help and express your feelings.

Use washable red markers to "cut" on your skin

Place your hands in freezing cold water, or hold / suck ice cubes

Wear an elastic band around wrist and snap it when you have the urge to harm yourself

Tear up paper (old phonebooks, newspapers, etc.)

Alternative between cuddling and punching something soft, the bed or a pillow

Plan regular activities for your most difficult time of day

Clean the house

Leave the room

Talk to someone safe - via email, phone, in person - try not to isolate yourself.

Help someone around you (reach out on a bulletin board, newsgroup, phone list etc.)

Go to church or your place of worship; pray or meditate
sources

Thank-you HALLIEBETH87. I'll be sure to print your post and refer to it often during this difficult time. Thanks again for responding.

no problemo my friend!!!!!!