I have a problem!

I have vaginismus. It is were your vagina muscles tighten subconsciously due to trama in the past. It causes so much pain during intercourse that I have to stop. Me and my fiance have not had sex in like 4 months. He is very supportive about it but I know he wants to have sex so bad as do I. It is just really hard. I have gotten a book and kit to help we to over come it. I would really like to know if anyone else suffers from this? I have not found anyone yet.

While I do not suffer from this disorder it is my understanding that most of these cases are due to psychological issues or psychological mixed with medical issue, but never medical issues alone.

With that being said may I ask you about your past sexual experience?
Any sexual abuse in your childhood or upbringing where you were told (and now believed) that sex is bad?

If the main reason behind your pain and discomfort is emotional then I suggest some counseling to help you heal from the past. If the main reason behind you not having sex if the physical pain then might I suggest using some pain pills and a good vaginal lubrication with minimal penetration of the penis.

I have gone through spells where it was to painful for me to have sex due to my Fibro and RA and I usually helped my husband out manually when I could not be with him physically... have you tried this?

I was raised roman catholic so sex and maturbation was not good. I also was taken advantage of while I was drunk. I dont think we had sex though. About a year ago I was raped.

I understand that is why it happens, that is why I got the book (I am not being mean). It is ten steps to overcoming it. There is also a workbook and dialators to up grade in size.

I have tired everything and it never worked, so I am hoping that it will work!

We have done other stuff but I need to get over the feeling that anything sexual is dirty. It is one of the steps in the book.

This why I suggested counseling - to help you over come the deep rooted feeling that sex is dirty... and with what you have been through I totally understand why you feel as you do.

Keep this fiance of yours, he is defiantly a keeper.

Have your looked in the self help section? - there is a thread in there, by me, called "The Script" - I think it may be of some help to your and your wounded thoughts.

I do see someone. I am trying to get over everything but it is hard.

Yes it is hard and believe me I do understand.... hence why I spent eight years in therapy to over come my own hurtful past and emotionally controlling wounds... I am a happier person today for having done the work.

You could try practicing relaxing your muscles by inserting your own finger into your vagina, and trusting yourself first, then trusting your partner, this is a technique to help virgins relax also, worked for me after having trouble with my first time...hugs

I was raised roman catholic so sex and maturbation was not good. I also was taken advantage of while I was drunk.

There have been some very good responses so far. Have you discussed this with your doctor? That's good that you got a book and a kit to help yourself. In relation to the comment above and BTW I was also raised Roman Catholic too. Did you know that fetus's touch their private parts in the womb. Masturbation and self discovery is a natural healthy part of sexual developement for all people - including children. This is your body and you have a right to feel pleasure, whether by yourself or with your partner.

Have you had fulfilling sex without this problem before? I'm trying to rule out physical reasons. There was a similar question in the Q&A section. Make sure you use adequate lubrication and do deep breathing exercises. Start getting comfortable with your own body and comfortable with the idea that you having the right to pleasurable sexual experience. I agree with Rhapsody, that you should see a therapist if you can't handle this on your own. I also heard that botox is a treatment for this. Best of luck and try not to feel anxious about this since it will make things worse.

While I don't suffer from this I used to have flashbacks during sex that would make me bawl in the middle and ruin it for weeks. I could not do certain positions because it would cause flashbacks and I had to see a T to talk about it.

I do think you are on the right track though. Realizing that there is a problem and that there is something you can do about it is half the battle. I think it's awesome that you can talk about it openly and come here to ask for advice - a lot of people don't even get THAT far.

These things just take time. Having someone who can be supportive and understanding makes it a lot easier. Mine came through in dreams and, even though the abusive relationship only lasted about 6 months, it took about 4 years to get over it. I had horrible nightmares that would change slowly over time and eventually, in my dream, I took that man out! That was the last dream I ever had about him and virtually all my symptoms went away.

Each person deals with mental and emotional trauma differently. I'm sure you will find the most effective way to combat this and you will get better. Just remember that it's not you - it's never you. Keep away that guilt I know we all feel from time to time and it will get easier. I promise. ::::::HUGS::::::

I want to thank you all for your posts. It makes me feel very good that you guys are here for me.

hello everyone
i have vaginismus too. it's so hard and i feel so alone just cause all of my friends don;t have to deal with it. i am looking into buying a kit. does anyone else feel like some doctors are oblivious? also, let me know if you have a good kit, thanks so much!

Welocome to PC. I have the kit but I really need to start working with it.

hey guys i have it too. does anyone else feel so self-conscious and inadequate? i feel like crap because of this. ugh it's really effecting me emotionally

I do all the time. I have a fiance and even when I try it doesn't work. I feel bad becuase he wants to have sex as do I. He is very supportive of it but he knows it is a huge problem. He said he doesn't want to have a sexless marriage. It hurst but it is hard for me to even try to read the book. I just feel so dirty.

Please keep posting so we know how you are doing! I learned a lot by reading this post and the follow-on threads. Thanks, guys.

So far so good, the book is hard for the emotions it brings up. I haven't gotten to anything sexual yet though.