[AtreyuFreak]

I'm a straight female, but I used to drink a lot and take a lot of painkillers, so I've had probably more sexual experiences with girls than guys (out of convenience and "in the moment", not intentional desire). A lot of my female friends are bi, and several of them have hit on me.

Last year (when high out of my mind), I engaged in a threesome with the guy I was dating at the time and my best friend (who is female and openly bi). Nothing has happened between me and my best friend (sexually) since then, and we're content to keep it that way. Besides, I barely even remember that night, so it's not even awkward. We just have one of those relationships.

I have a bit of a problem trusting guys due to former trauma, so I seem to be able to relax around girls more, and that's when stuff "just happens".

I have a female friend from school that I developed a bit of a crush on. For a while, it was intense enough to make me wonder if I was actually bi. I've decided that I'm not, since (when I'm sober, at least) the only girl I'm attracted to is her. We're pretty close; we talk almost every day, and have confided in one another. I know she's had guy problems too, and I know that she's bi (even if she doesn't say so openly); after having so many bi friends, you can just tell.

My fear is that we'll be hanging out some time and I'll make a move on her...I'm don't think that I'd actually have s*x with her, since it would probably freak me out a bit (and I have issues with sex anyways), but I could see myself hardcore making out with her. However, I don't know if she shares these feelings or if she'd get really really freaked out by this. I'm scared that she'll think I'm a freak or something, even though I wouldn't be able even to force myself to make a move on any other girl besides her. I know she doesn't have any aversions to or problems with gays/lesbians/bisexuals etc., but I'm not sure she's had personal experiences with one (emphasis on PERSONAL).

Not really sure why I'm posting this, just wanna know what any of you would do in this situation, or that I'm not alone. I'm almost afraid to be alone with her because of this, and have kinda avoided chilling with her (alone) outside of school; fortunately, we're both fairly busy so it hasn't come up very often.

[Rhapsody]

Is it possible that you are becoming bi? - if yes, then dont worry and enjoy what you are comfortable with.

It does all get confusing, doesn't it! Only you will be able to sort this all out, but I would suggest you rely on the fact that when you are sober you are in complete control of your actions. So it is up to you what happens when you spend time with your friend.

It is for sure confusing and uncomfortable to identify as straight and yet find you have a crush on another girl. I for one have trouble sometimes distinguishing between what is emotional intimacy and what is sexuality, so I have often had to just refrain from expressing myself sexually in any way, in order to explore a friendship. Something I have learned to trust I can do. Perhaps it will help you to know that it is pretty normal for straight women to sometimes feel strongly about a female friend in this way, but not do anything about it.

I would advise caution with one thing you said:

I know that she's bi (even if she doesn't say so openly); after having so many bi friends, you can just tell.

Especially since you also say:

A lot of my female friends are bi, and several of them have hit on me.

Perhaps the girls who have hit on you are also thinking they can 'tell', but you don't agree with them, right?
Not sure if any of this will be helpful, but I have been there in my own way so I wanted to respond somehow...

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

Is it possible that you are becoming bi? - if yes, then dont worry and enjoy what you are comfortable with.

I don't think so because it's only her that I feel this way for. I don't have any interest, physical or emotional, to any other girl. And I can't even picture myself being physically "involved" with any girl, not even her.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by ripley

Perhaps the girls who have hit on you are also thinking they can 'tell', but you don't agree with them, right?

I get where you're coming from, but I'd have to say that those who hit on me were somewhat right; I'm apparently bi when I'm high/drunk, and I seem to be bi for this girl. In my case, the girls who hit on me just weren't the girl I was interested in, but that doesn't mean I've never had those feelings for a girl. I'm just wondering if maybe that would be the case with this girl; that she is sometimes attracted to girls, just not me.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by AtreyuFreak

I don't think so because it's only her that I feel this way for.

Then I wouldn't put to much thought into the feelings and just know that you are human and that what you are going through has happened to many of people in this world.

[sw628]

AtreyuFreak)))))))
I can somewhat identify with this as i posted the "confused" post a few weeks ago. I am in the same place with a girl that I recently met. She has openly said that she is attracted to girls and guys and i saw her hit on another girl. I'm confused because i am not attracted to females sexually and yet this girl triggers intense emotions in me... it's quite scary. I don't know if i am craving the emotional intimacy or what as it's hard for me to to open myself up to men due to past issues. Ugh.. she just kills me some times because i'm so into her. So, i completely understand what you are going through

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by sw628

I'm confused because i am not attracted to females sexually and yet this girl triggers intense emotions in me... it's quite scary. I don't know if i am craving the emotional intimacy or what as it's hard for me to to open myself up to men due to past issues.

This part of your reply I can really agree with. The fact that my "attachment" to her (attraction just doesn't fit) is not at all sexual in nature tells me that my feelings for her are more of an emotional attachment. She and I have talked in length about certain things; we both divulged the basics of our CSA, and one of my alters (I'm DID) came out to her and they cried together. Sounds strange or corny, but I really have an emotional connection with this girl.

What sucks is that with [my] BPD, when she has a bad day and is impatient, I'll hate her for the time being unless she does something to make me idealize her again. I'm starting to think she has some BPD traits as well, as (depending on the day) she's either really happy to see/talk to me, or she's really impatient with me and wants me to leave her alone. No gray areas, just like me. Not really sure what to do with that, to be honest ...anyway...