I watch gay porn everyweek if not even almost every other day. I prefer it over being with another male as myself. I enjoy masturbating watching very masculine men engaging in sexual activity with each other. I really would prefer to be in a relationship with a man but I have bipolar disorder and a personality disorder and feel that no man would put up with me. So the porn relieves me from feeling that my mental illness will interfere with me having a real good sexual experience. But then I feel lonely afterwards and empty. Am I in a trap?

[Rhapsody]

I am sorry you are having such a hard time with your inner feelings and lack of a relationship right now.... but let me tell you, as a woman with mental illness, they will love you no matter what issues you have if the LOVE is TRUE and YOU gove them a CHANCE... just ask my husband of 23 years - he has been to bottom of the barrel with me and to the top of the highest mountain, and our love has only grown over the years.

((( HUGS ))) -

I find it easier to find a man to have sex with me than a man who would be willing to be with me. The gay lifestyle is promiscuis.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by jersey_joe_in_fl

I find it easier to find a man to have sex with me than a man who would be willing to be with me. The gay lifestyle is promiscuis.

For that I am sorry..... ((( hugs )))

[trevorzero]

Are you in a trap? Of course you are! There's nothing wrong with porn in moderation but it's a dead-end the way that you are using it.

Don't assume that all men are alike. Some men would find you more interesting than the average joe because of the challenges that you are facing. You are a complicated guy, and that's a good thing.

Originally Posted by trevorzero

Are you in a trap? Of course you are! There's nothing wrong with porn in moderation but it's a dead-end the way that you are using it.

Don't assume that all men are alike. Some men would find you more interesting than the average joe because of the challenges that you are facing. You are a complicated guy, and that's a good thing.

Thanks for that Trevorzero. I never thought that my challenges in life would ever be considered interesting in a person from the eyes of another. I am complicated in many ways. I think too much. Last night I got so tired of thinking about this new guy Bill I met last Saturday, that I bought a bottle of brandy and went over my friend Raymonds house to drink. He is vodka drinker. So I drank the whole bottle of brandy last night. Afterwards we both went out for breakfast. What a night and morning we had!

[cfh1167]

Originally Posted by jersey_joe_in_fl

I watch gay porn everyweek if not even almost every other day. I prefer it over being with another male as myself. I enjoy masturbating watching very masculine men engaging in sexual activity with each other. I really would prefer to be in a relationship with a man but I have bipolar disorder and a personality disorder and feel that no man would put up with me. So the porn relieves me from feeling that my mental illness will interfere with me having a real good sexual experience. But then I feel lonely afterwards and empty. Am I in a trap?

There is nothing wrong with watching gay porn to take off the edge. I'm a girl and I watch it any time I can. But do please understand this, people like you for your strengths but love you for your faults. Cliche, yes, but it's true.

I am a manic depressive who is socially akward and a cutter. I'm loud and envious and I obsess about every little thing. I constantly have panic attacks and I'm alittle weird. But I have a boyfriend who positively worships me! Why? I'm not sure, maybe he's the 'crazy' one, but there's someone for everyone. Don't let anything slow you down, even a bi-polar disorder.

People are MADE to lean on each other and depend on each other. Don't expect the road to finding this person to be easy, but don't give up.

Originally Posted by cfh1167

There is nothing wrong with watching gay porn to take off the edge. I'm a girl and I watch it any time I can. But do please understand this, people like you for your strengths but love you for your faults. Cliche, yes, but it's true.

I am a manic depressive who is socially akward and a cutter. I'm loud and envious and I obsess about every little thing. I constantly have panic attacks and I'm alittle weird. But I have a boyfriend who positively worships me! Why? I'm not sure, maybe he's the 'crazy' one, but there's someone for everyone. Don't let anything slow you down, even a bi-polar disorder.

People are MADE to lean on each other and depend on each other. Don't expect the road to finding this person to be easy, but don't give up.

I have been praying to God to save me from my sins as the wages of sin is death. That's why our lives end in death on this sin cursed earth because we are all sinners. But I want to be with Christ on the New Earth and so my desire now to have a relationship with a man is gone; however, I am left with this internet gay porn addiction. God has already saved me from binge drinking. I have not had a drop since New Year's Day 2009. God had made a complete change in me in reference to my addiction to alcohol. Now I will wait patienly for HIM in reference to my addiction to gay porn. God has taken out of me the desire to be with a man sexually alive and in person so I will wait, pray to God and beg HIM for Mercy and Plead to take away my sinful lust for porn and the need to masturbate constantly.

[AtreyuFreak]

Originally Posted by jersey_joe_in_fl

But I want to be with Christ on the New Earth and so my desire now to have a relationship with a man is gone; however, I am left with this internet gay porn addiction. God has already saved me from binge drinking. I have not had a drop since New Year's Day 2009. God had made a complete change in me in reference to my addiction to alcohol. Now I will wait patienly for HIM in reference to my addiction to gay porn. God has taken out of me the desire to be with a man sexually alive and in person so I will wait, pray to God and beg HIM for Mercy and Plead to take away my sinful lust for porn and the need to masturbate constantly.

Just want to point out that on 3/6/09, the original Jersey Joe in FL stated that he drank a full bottle of brandy the night before. Now all of a sudden the "same" guy posted that he hasn't had a drop since New Year's Day 2009??

If this really is the same guy posting all this, you should probably take some time to consider what your true feelings are, because these posts are INCREDIBLY contradictory.

But since Jersey Joe is a guest, it's possible that someone else made this post. If that's true...I'd really like to give this guy a piece of my mind. Nobody here asked to be called a sinner, and for someone to pretend to be someone they're not and say things that could be considered insultive blasphemy...that's low. Really. This is a supportive environment; if the original poster wanted "God" to "save him" from this, it would have been posted in a religion forum.

Again, if this really was the same person, I'm sorry, and ignore that last paragraph. If not...how dare you?!

Sorry, off my soap box now...

[Grithnir]

I had the same addiction, complicated by joining a religious group aimed at chastity. It finally overcame me, I kept refusing to take an anti-depressant that would affect my sexual life and had occasional intercourse with my roommate. The intercourse made him go crazy so I finally put two and two together that sex is not safe emotionally for me or for the other person and that shallow hook-ups are never a good thing. I took the anti-depressant that causes sexual dysfuction and haven't been to a gay website in a month. I know with bi-polar disorder you may or may not be able to take an anti-depressant, but I felt blame on my part for causing my roommate to be so confused about his sexual orientation and sex life that I became severely depressed especially since he left me for two weeks. He came back to me and I know we have love between us but we are still a little snipity with each other, but I am glad he is back and I am seriously just pursing the holiness aspect of life being gay and schizophrenic. I want chastity. I have seen all aspects of the gay culture and have experienced love with a man on different occasions but the love I have for my roommate is with compassion for his misgivings and forgiveness as well. It's something that grows with time and I trust him much more than meeting any stranger to attempt a relationship with.