[lily99]

Hi everyone, I'm a little shy about posting here..
I'm 18 and haven't quite worked out my sexual orientation yet, but I know I'm definitely not straight. I have a friend who I've known for quite a few years now and have been attracted on and off, but never expected her to be interested.

Recently we've been flirting a lot, and although we haven't openly acknowledged it, we are both clearly physically and sexually attracted to each other. She's spending the night at my house in a few days (we'll be sharing a bed), and I know we both want something to happen... even if it is just embracing, in the heat of the moment it could become more. I've been very excited all week and can't think of anything else.

But I'm also really concerned. Firstly while there is real chemistry between us, I know a relationship would never work. I know we'd clash and fight a lot, and also - I'm not even out yet. I can't help but wonder if it is moral for me to have sex out of a relationship. I don't judge others for it, but I'm scared I'll feel guilty afterwards and forever associate my first time with regret.

I want to talk openly with her before ANYTHING happens. If we both don't want a relationship...but just to experiment with each other this one time.... is that a huge mistake??

I really need advice. I'm worried my hormones will ultimately dictate my actions, and I don't want to cause either of us hurt afterwards. But I also want to enjoy my sexuality and be intimate with her - I know I'm physically ready for this

Thank you for reading

[Michah]

Originally Posted by lily99

Hi everyone, I'm a little shy about posting here..
I'm 18 and haven't quite worked out my sexual orientation yet, but I know I'm definitely not straight. I have a friend who I've known for quite a few years now and have been attracted on and off, but never expected her to be interested.

Recently we've been flirting a lot, and although we haven't openly acknowledged it, we are both clearly physically and sexually attracted to each other. She's spending the night at my house in a few days (we'll be sharing a bed), and I know we both want something to happen... even if it is just embracing, in the heat of the moment it could become more. I've been very excited all week and can't think of anything else.

But I'm also really concerned. Firstly while there is real chemistry between us, I know a relationship would never work. I know we'd clash and fight a lot, and also - I'm not even out yet. I can't help but wonder if it is moral for me to have sex out of a relationship. I don't judge others for it, but I'm scared I'll feel guilty afterwards and forever associate my first time with regret.

I want to talk openly with her before ANYTHING happens. If we both don't want a relationship...but just to experiment with each other this one time.... is that a huge mistake??

I really need advice. I'm worried my hormones will ultimately dictate my actions, and I don't want to cause either of us hurt afterwards. But I also want to enjoy my sexuality and be intimate with her - I know I'm physically ready for this

Thank you for reading

Well Lily, you sound incredibly mature to me.......I think you will make the right decision.

Only you know if you feel comfortable exploring your sexuality outside of a relationship.

You show great honour, integrity and insight, dear one. Talk about it maybe with this person you are attracted to. See where thay want this to go.

Take good care.......love and honour thyself, and all else shall follow. and no guilt if it gets a little "carried away". Your ethics speak volumes.

In stillness,

Michah

[Rhapsody]

If you are comfortable with what you are doing them do not let guilt get in the way of a good relationship....

[lily99]

Thank you both

[splitz]

How very strange, a friend and I were discussing this on the way home from work. It started off as a conversation about gay people being attracted to their same sex friends and ended as a discussion about anyone of any sexuality and there really isn't any difference.
The conclusion we (and we are both older and have more years 'experience' than you) came to? If you have a great friendship don't ruin it for a sexual encounter, it's a great way to destroy a friendship even if you are atracted to each other.
You do sound very mature and the fact that you are questioning things before anything happens is impressive.
I hope whatever you choose makes you happy. Good Luck

[lily99]

This is all too much for me. We didn't go through with her staying over. The day she was meant to stay, she sent me a very abrupt text saying she wasn't coming. Knowing she can sometimes be a bit moody and mercurial, I just assumed she'd changed her mind.. and that she wasn't interested.

At the time, I was a little upset and disappointed. But I was also a little relieved...like I knew I was risking a lot by going through with this. So I decided to move on and treat my feelings for her as affirmation that I'm becoming more aware of my sexuality.

Well... the next time I saw her I just acted friendly, but put physical distance between us. She noticed and thought I was upset with her, so hugged and touched me a lot more that night (as much as you can in front of friends). I was so confused, because my feelings have changed.

She said we should have lunch later this week, which I think will be a good opportunity to just get everything out in the open, so I agreed. But today I spoke to her online, and she said she's taking me to lunch to a surprise place, and we have to meet at a specific place at 12.... this just seems like a date to me.

and now I'm freaking out. I odn't know how to handle this. I feel like a terrible person because my feeling towards her were very physical and sexual (and they've died down immensely.... probably because the excitement of it all has been replaced with REAL consieration). Yet it seems like her feelings are now romantic.. and i dunno. I feel like I've caused this... or that I should take responsibility for whatever hurt I will caused her.

Please help me. I'm seriously new to this

[lily99]

i know it's a horrible thing to say but I feel dirty

[1flagwriter]

Why would you feel "dirty"? You haven't done anything to feel dirty for...

[venusss]

I want to talk openly with her before ANYTHING happens. If we both don't want a relationship...but just to experiment with each other this one time.... is that a huge mistake??

If you both feel this way and are okay with it... go ahead. As long as you are not hurting anybody, you nothing (almost) is out off limits. Enjoy what you are doing...

[lily99]

Thanks for replying 1flagwriter and Venus.
At the time of this last post, I was overthinking and stressing myself out a lot. Things are a little different now

take care

[sugahorse1]

You do sound very mature.
You are also dealing with the issue of losing your virginity here - not an easy one.
But you must understand that taking a friendship to a sexual level puts a lot of stress on things. If you have a fall out, or one of you decides it is no longer for you, the chemistry between the two of you may prevent any sort of friendship to exist. I've been there - I was 23, and my GF was 39 - the first time I'd been with a woman. Started out as an amazing friendship, drinking wine together in the evenings. Then one night we went to a club, which was mainly for gays, and got dared to kiss. That's where it started. And it was an amazing intense relationship - I loved her with all my heart. But it wasn't to be. It took nearly a whole year of not seeing each other, hardly e-mailing or smsing... for the chemistry to die down and only now can we be friends without getting turned at the first sight of the other party. Make sure you are prepared to risk the friendship - it's a fair risk, as the rewards can be awesome!

Sex between woman tends to be (in my opinion) very emotional

[casualobserHer]

What happened? I am really curious as to how it all turned out. I have a friend in the same position.

[MTAYY16]

if you feel you want a relationship with this woman its always good to experiment you never know it could turn into some thing more

[Kennygirl]

Be free, you have only this life to live in at this moment...