Repression

My aunt and uncle used to stay with us when he was unemployed. They had 4 children and we all shared rooms. I have very vague memories that have been becoming more clear over the years of my cousin being inappropriate. It was in our old house which we moved out of when I was 5 so I was at least 5 or younger. After we moved the entire family basically disappeared and I didn't see any of them since. My uncle came into town for my grandmother's funeral in 2006 and that's the only time I have seen him in 18 years.

Well the other day my aunt (not his wife, a different aunt) friended me on facebook. When I accepted and went to her profile it popped up my uncle's name as a friend suggestion. When I clicked on him and saw his son (my cousin) on there my heart dropped into my feet. I felt flush all over but can't really remember anything to make me feel that way. Even now thinking about him I feel like my heart is racing.

I feel like something had to have happened and it was obviously something for my family to hide and never talk about. I want to ask my mom if something happened with him when I was younger but don't know how to go about it. I just have this strong feeling like he did something he shouldn't have and wish I could remember but feel like my mind is repressing it for a reason.

The only thing I remember is very vaguely my mom and dad asking me if we had showed our 'privates' to each other. But that's it. And I didn't remember that until recently. Should I let this go or try to find out what happened? On one hand I feel like if I don't find out it will eat away at me. On the other hand, I don't want anyone else to have to relive it if it was something terrible. And I feel embarrassed about even asking. What if I'm totally wrong and go accusing and asking about something that never happened? I know there have been cases of people 'inventing' memories. I'm so confused.

I wish I had some sort of easy answer or suggestion for you, but it took a zero-consequences situation for me to be able to recognize my own abuse and accept it. I think the only person that can answer the question of whether you should pursue this is you.

I'm new here and have not experienced nearly as much professional therapy and counseling as many on the site, so I have to admit that I don't know the best course of action. However, you are not alone in your confusion and feelings. The best advice I can give from personal experience is to not force the issue and try to come to terms with it over time. Time grants an amount of perspective that almost nothing else can.

My situation is kind of similar ... our family moved on very short notice when i was very young, and I was never taken back to that area or associated with our relatives again. For all these years i thought something must have happened with one of my sisters, but one day not too long ago, I was telling a friend of this story and he asked if sisters ever went back there. Oh yes, they went a couple times a year, but there was always some reason that I couldn't go, like when I was older and at college, my folks would just let me know that they had been back there for a visit or a funeral and that I didn't need to know or go.

That made me realize that the "involvement" was probably with me, and having that thought did make me remember some incidents that would not be considered appropriate (pvt me if you want details) ... anyway I think some episodes have been blanked out of my mind, and there's no one that I can ask about it.

good luck to you in dealing with this, jsut wanted to let you know that you're not alone