age

i am in relationship with a man is 49 and im 22. i no that is this a huge age difference 27 yearsbut what is every 1s opinion on age difference in relationships? does it matter? i do love him very much. but many say it not healthy and it will notwork out. if it doesnt work out it wont be bacause of age, other reasons more likely.

any opinions on this?

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I think age is a problem only if the couple let's it be a problem (as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult). There can be some issues with age differences, such as where two people are in their lives. I am currently in a relationship with a man that is 8 years older than me and it has no effect whatsoever on our relationship. I know a woman and her and her husband have 24 years between them and they are a very well adjusted couple and are going to be celebrating their 15th wedding anniversary this year. What matters most is that you are in a healthy, safe and loving relationship. I wish you the best

You have heard my rationale on this. A 70 and 49 year old....they have gone through a lot of things, have their life, for the most part, figured out and should have some of the same goals and aspirations. 22 and 49.....If a 49 YO "man" has the ability to be in a relationship with a 22 YO....there is something wrong with him. Not speaking to your maturity at all. But a 39 YO man shouldn't even want the same things as a 22 YO. And...if he does....that speaks to his IMmaturity and inability to grow up. My dad is one of those and he fits it to a T. His new wife is 16 yrs younger than him. Then again, my dad is immature and can't date a 60 YO woman bc he isn't in that mind set.

At 49 there should be a massive generation gap. If there isn't there are issues. Only my opinion of course. But even from the age of 20 to now (I'm 23) there is NO WAY I could date a 20 YO boy. Just couldn't do it. You're at an age where we changed every 10 mins. And that's not a bad thing - that's normal. You shouldn't be in the same mind set as a 49 YO either.

I realize you have heard this before but I like to be as annoying as possible

I think you won't know until this plays itself out. You'll likely come to a conclusion that your choice was good or it was poor.

I'm 5 years older than my spouse. My nephew is 14 years older than his spouse. Who knows? My relationship is 21 years and my nephew seems happy as is his wife.

I'm sure we can all think of relationships that turned ugly regardless of age. But I do think a generation difference is a lot. There's much to overcome. Kind of like him liking the Backstreet Boys and you liking Lady GaGa. Moons apart.

Good luck with this and be good to yourself.

Depends what you both expect from the relationship, and if your expectations are compatible.
If you just want a short-term lover and you are both happy, then fine. You say you love him very much, though, so that hints at ambitions for something permanent.
There are issues about age in long-term relationships which must be faced if you are considering this as a life-long commitment. A gap of nearly three decades means that he may face health issues which may impact on your life also and it is more likely that he will become dependent on you than vice versa.
He will very likely die a long time before you, so you could become widowed in middle age - have you considered how would you handle the rest of your life at that point?
Do you want to have kids with him? How do you see that being affected by the age gap?
The problem for me is not with the relationship as such, but if you commit to this for years you may pass up the chance to meet men closer to your own age. An economist would call this an 'opportunity cost' - chances you sacrifice in order to take up a particular course of action. If the relationship breaks down later, you may find it more difficult to find another partner - as you get older, there are fewer single people to choose from (and some of those are unattached for good reason )
I would also wonder what baggage he brings from previous relationships - you might find yourself with stepchildren older than you.
Some relationships can overcome the challenges of age difference, but it is important to think carefully about the difficulties in advance.

IMHO, anything more than 5 or 6 years is too big of a difference. I've been hit on by much older men and it's a big turnoff. But if both of you are happy, more power to you

Age is simply a number. It isn't really an indication of life experience, morals or values. You're no longer a minor, if you find someone that makes you happy and you make him/her happy go for it. As you learn and grow you will make the same mistakes whether your partner is 21 or 71. If you are in a healthy relationship who cares what anyone else thinks about the number of candles on a birthday cake?

Don't even think about age. You obviously can't help who you're attracted to, & you shouldn't let your negative thoughts make you reconsider things that you've been sure of at one point. Life is short, be with who makes you happy... & don't let little things like that get in the way of someone you're truly in love with.

I would tend to agree with salukigirl's perspective on this. I'm only 28, and as much as I would like to be in a serious relationship, I cannot see that being an option with a 20-22 year old. Even 23-24 might be pushing it. Just not in the same place.

What if: You met someone and hit it off. You have similiar life goals, communicate well and have chemistry. Would you refuse to continue seeing them if you suddenly discovered they were 22 years old?

It might work out, it might not... age is just one of the factors in relationship.

and as for people pointing out the far far future... I am not saying "do not think of the future"... but how many relationships last for life? Maybe you can have great couple years together... you never know what will happen anyways. If you otherwise seem to match, it might be worth trying.

Also, I think it's more important at what place in life you both are... if you want to study for several years and he is having a great career that may require moving around (an example), it may not work out. If you both see yourself on simmilar path couple years from now... it could work out.

If that happened? Of course not. But I think my chances of winning the lottery are better than that happening...and I don't even play the lottery.

thanks you all for opinions.
ya i was just curious about experiences you had.
martin - i want to say ya i do think about those things. but when i do i get irritated because i no it may not last. i want it to because i really do love him and he loves me so much. he lives a hr away atm and i make the drive to see him when i can (weekends)im in school also, and this makes it hard to love him when i want to. its hard to think long in the future, i do have full intent to move back to Germany and he has made it clear he doesnt want to leave his great job hes a computer engineer - so this gets me frustrated to because i have to be lame and fall in love with a man who is rigid like me so yes time will let me see if this wil work out. so many challenges with this.

but thanks again you all for replys.

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Hey 21,

Knowing you pretty well I think you're realistic enough to know the consequences of the age difference. If you honestly love him, then age is just another part of the man you love. Just be honest with yourself rationally and emotionally, and be fair, and sometimes things just take care of itself.

I know that there is some uncertainty pertaining you moving and him staying, and I'm sure things will be more clear in time.

To AAAAA - Unfortunately, it seems that, instead of hitting it off with someone younger than me, it seems like I meet people I feel can't be out of high school and it turns out they're older than me. Wish it weren't true.....but it seems to be. Just like if I meet someone who I feel is younger than me but obviously, because of looks, they are much older than me......that is a huge turn off as well. Just from my experience.....That's why we're called individuals. And it seems like, from reading everyone's responses, that there as many opinions as there are people. That's why you just play things by ear.

I'm the first girl my bf has dated that's younger than him. He has always dated women older than him. Just preferences.

I think there is a type of older man who dates younger women because they don't want commitment, a type of older man who dates younger women because women their own age aren't interested, and a very, very very small percentage of other older men who date a specific younger woman for other reasons. I am sensitive against becoming a type but I have dated older and would do it again, it depends on the person.

ja well it dont matter now, i broke it off with him.. it was for the best. and i feel a lot better now!

thanks guys for the replys

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