[QUEEN OF WANDS]

5 years ago i went through a breakup with my ex husband..we were together for 18 years(since age 15)...within 6 weeks i slept with 13 men,,looking to be loved.. number 13 was the man i ended up in a relationship for 4 1/2 years..(very abusive relationship and now suffer from ptsd)...anyway,i left and have been single for almost 6 months..i have had sex with 7 men,mostly within the past 2 months..even slept with 2 different men 3 days apart..sometimes i will sleep with someone i have never met b4 and have a one night stand,,those are the easiest and the most enjoyable..i have also slept with a couple of friends,,which turned out to ruin the friendship because they want a relationship and i dont...i am not looking for a boyfriend..i need to heal from my last relationship...i definately have a big wall around my heart and cannot let it down right now...so this time im not looking for love...my question is..is there something wrong with me? is it ok to have casual sex? sex definately complicates things but i continue to want it..another thing is that i am EXTREMELY embarrassed and disgusted with my body,so how can i still end up having sex with people? idk..i confuse myself..i havent had sex in 3 weeks and its really bothering me..am i just "horny" (for lack of a better word)..

[hanners]

I don't see anything wrong with casual sex, so long as it's not getting in the way of your life, or causing you to be very risky (like not using protection). Have fun, but educate and take care of yourself.

[salukigirl]

I think it's all in your perception. Are you using protection? Are you very clear with them that this is a one-night stand and that you don't want a relationship?

Besides the obvious worry of STDs with multiple partners......I don't really see the harm.

That said - are you doing this as a coping mechanism? It's hard to find a line when you start using sex to fill a gap in your life. If you just genuinely like it and aren't using it for that....then go right ahead. But, if you think of this as affirmation from partners or filling some kind of void from your previous relationship....then I would think twice. It doesn't take long before a situation like what I just described turns into a kind of sex addiction.

[eskielover]

Personal opinion.....as long as you are having the casual sex....you are not focusing on healing yourself...you are just covering up your hurt. Many people cover up their hurt with alcohol & drugs...others cover it up with excessive sex which can turn into an addiction of it's own.

I don't believe that one can truly heal when they do not focus on the hurt & healing rather than trying to cover it up.

I was married for 33 years.....had NOTHING to do with my husband for the last 10 years of the marriage......after I left (we are still only separated because of financial issues), I still had absolutely NO relationships with anyone else. I have wonderful friends now that I can communicate with......have NO desire to have sex with anyone.....as I needed to figure out who I am not based on anyone other than ME.

Have never been happier in my life than being ALONE now....I would never be in a relationship with anyone ever in the future.

[salukigirl]

I'm not trying to sound harsh, eskie.....I understand that women above 50 still have a desire for sex, but you are talking about a couple decades of a difference. Queen is right at the age when a woman finally sexually "matures" as in wanting the most amount of sex.

[eskielover]

wanting it & allowing it to cover up hurt that you aren't willing to deal with is doesn't make it the right thing to do no matter what your age

[salukigirl]

I never said it did. My original post was agreeing with you, in fact. I was just pointing out a simple biological process that some people forget about.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

ty all for your replies...im not sure if im trying to cover up the feelings...i have thought many times that maybe im addicted,,but i dont have the other signs like looking at porn and stuff,,i just love being physical with someone...i have to admit that no, i have not been very safe with the protection part,but am going to buy my own condoms to keep with me,,guys never seem to have any and in my experience they dont like wearing them either...i have been very clear about it not going into a relationship,but the couple of guys that became attached seemed to think they could change my mind afterwards...it actually took quite alot of work to finally get them to back off..i have told them staight up that it will never go anywhere else and that i didnt want to lead them on,,they assured me it was ok..but i have learned from that,,dont mix friends with sex...i also got attached to a guy without wanting to..he did everything right and made me feel very good,,but turns out he didnt want anything more,,i am thankful now that he turned out to be playing me till he got what he wanted,,now that i see the real him,,i dont want him...he was not honest like i was with the others...i am going to talk to my doc or councellor about the sex and see what they say..iv been embarrased to admit it,but maybe i should...again ty..

Hey Queen,

I wanted to chime in and let you know that I have the same sort of pattern except I also watch porn and masturbate. I will go on craigslist (or used to) and put an ad up and in ten minutes was arranging for somebody to come over often stacking up the guys to sleep with several in a day.

My main concern for you is that you are being safe regardless of if it's an addiction. You need to be using condoms to protect against std's and you also need to not meet at your house or his house but in a public place first.

Let me just tell you i have had people pass my number on to their friends and have gotten calls saying hey heard you're a good time want have sex?

I now go to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. They have a website that you can use to take a test to see how many characteristics of an addiction you have. there are 40 questions and you'll answer so many yes then you judge for yourself if you have an addiction.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

tyvm Tara...i know i have to be safe,,i havent been ,,stupid ,i know,,i am going to take the test,ty for the info...

[notz]

Queen of Wands,

I hope you play safe from here on out. Buy the condoms, keep them with you and remember they do have expiration dates. If the guy refuses to wear one...well you can refuse too! Protect yourself...you deserve to keep yourself safe.

There are anonymous groups out there that deal with sexual issues. I hear they can be very helpful. Talk with your therapist if you can. Maybe some guided exploration can help you understand more about yourself

Remember, the forums are always here for you.

[SolutionIsProcess]

You sound like you may be a love addict.